Pew Pew Report – 1^st Edition

Welcome to the first, somewhat belated edition of the Pew Pew Report.  This editor has found the tedium of a seemingly dwindling population to be a reason to turn to looking at racing venues.  More on that later.

Times…they have a changed since the survey was put to you, the common mobster.  The marmite of the streets has gone…for how long who knows, but the least said about that the better.  It is in the light of a brand new day that we stride forward, maybe looking back on the weeks and months gone by as the glorious days of street interaction.  All this editor knows is if the undead, vampireish and alien takeover happens then we for one will be upping sticks and moving somewhere less ridiculous…like Vermont.

Anyway, all things considered, here is the breakdown of the ground breaking, award winning compendium of salacious gossip and innuendo.

Pew Pew Report Editor

Tyranny Index – 6.5

Forecast – Spells of calm and growth in the short term however the long term forecast is that a front of purging and fear are building.  Pew Pew Report don’t make long term forecasts other than all good and bad things come to an end and the only inevitable things are death and taxes.

Question 1 – Five Man Crews..

• Grin’s Only Source of Income – 46%
• Perfect For Spotting Kuku – 15%
• A Woefully Underutilised Opportunity – 15%
• The Best Way To Get New Blood In Bold – 12%
• As Diverse As A Trump Family Photo – 12%

So, the people have spoken.  Those in the know have spilled the beans.  Grin-08 relies on his five man crew concept to keep Chicago ticking over.  This income stream has taken a little bit of a kicking in recent days which is why Grin’s street appearances have been limited.  Nobody needs to see the lack of sartorial elegance of a leading mobster as he wears the same bolognese stained shirt for the third day in a row.  Given that’s what he’s happy for the public to see, imagine what we have to put up with behind closed doors.  Rumours of him now only owning one pair of underpants are news to us, we didn’t think it was that many.

The management of Pew Pew Report do agree that it can be an underutilised opportunity however a combination of increased tyranny doesn’t necessarily mix with an increase in opportunities for new blood.  The kids of today might view it as dropping a well known brand of sweet into a world leading soft drink – just going to explode everywhere in a mess. 

Pew Pew Report – keeping up to date with the references of the day.

Question 2 – Which City Goes Next?

• Las Vegas – 30%
• Detroit – 23%
• Chicago – 15%
• Seattle – 12%
• Philly – 12%
• New York – 8%

Las Vegas beware.  Public opinion is that you’re next and everyone knows, the public are never wrong.  Do Las Vegas bring anything to the table?  The members of the Pew Pew Report team find Las Vegas to be boring in general, nothing against the current leadership.  If it wasn’t for the casinos what is there?  Sand.  Lots of sand and tourists. 

To be fair, it was probably mostly Las Vegasers who voted for Las Vegas to be next so they wouldn’t have to deal with drunk people trying to marry them at the nearest novelty chapel.  We did hear rumours of a drunken TheStripCL trying to persuade Cassi that what happened in Vegas stayed in Vegas and if she married him it would be less permanent than the STDs he was riddled with.  An attractive prospect if ever there was one.

We at PPR have a soft spot for all things Seattley and Philly-y so it’s good to see them looking less likely to be removed.  But what do we know?  This is your data not ours!

Question 3 – Who Is Doing The Hitlisting?

This was a trick question because it’s obviously Anonymous who is doing it.  Except for that bozo who hitlisted Nipples.  Anyway, your confessions and guesses, whether educated, wishful thinking or shit stirring are:

Sticks   Anton/Kuku   Prem   Toby   My mum   Jesus   North Korea   Grin   Malicious   Spike

Izzy   The Saviours   Purgee    Jerry    Who cares    Hush

The overwhelming opinion is that it’s a combination of Sticks, Prem and Spike who are behind it which is fine.  We at PPR appreciate their repeated answering of the survey just so they could confess. 

In the absence of the dearly departed Anton, we at MG-PPR have already postulated that Anton was behind it and we will stick by our poorly researched and baseless allegations.  Even if we are now regretting not taking Anton’s $40 million offer to shut up.

Question 4 – Best Cl Starting With C

• Cromwell – 35%
• Curtis – 27%
• Clarkson – 23%
• Cohle – 15%

At the time of publishing, Cohle was almost missed off the list because he had been overlooked and now he’s no longer even a crewleader so we at Pew Pew Report appreciate his multiple votes, a valiant effort in relevancy.  We wish him all the best in his new endeavours.

So, Cromwell is the best?  The man pays back his pickpocketing takings like an honourable man so he gets our vote, if we were to vote. 

Despite the family legacy, Curtis does have a loyal band of followers to his baldy head.  Fear?  Maybe.  If people remember Nipper, we did speculate that Nipper forced his members to vote for him where required.  We reckon, with no basis in fact, that Curtis has done the same. 

What’s the point of being in charge if you can’t skew the results in your favour?

Test Drivers Wanted

There were a few interesting questions for a future survey however the staff at MG-PPR have been busy at work in the background preparing a motor racing event so a new survey is on the back burner. 

In the meantime, since…you know, there’s no more Anton baiting/sycophancy required, if anyone feels like being the (Mob)Star In A Beaten Up Car, an MG-PPR organised event will appear in Chicago in the coming days.  This is a prelude to a street racing event, not remotely similar to golf or basketball events in any way. 

Head to Chicago and get your race suit on.

Vroom vroom!!

Bravo, fabulous edition!

I look forward to more

I'm a fucking awful driver but will look forward to the race.

Great reading as always.

Also looks forward to more good stuff to read and smile about which made us all happier those harsh days.

I dont drive so I stay out for this time, have many better things that driving a car to do right now anyway.

Great work, an entertaining read. I hope to see more publications in future. 

Sync is casually struggling through the fine streets of the windy city. He notices a newspaper stand with several folks  standing around it. He noticed that they were all reading the same paper. He thinks to himself for a second and wanders over to see what the big deal. He pays the seller and starts to reading to see what the big deal is and why folks are crowding around. He smiles  after reading.

This paper was highly entertaining. I truly hope to see more papers in the near future. 

He tucks the paper underneath his arm and whistling a tune as he continues to stroll through the windy city.