Sweeney walks across a street to a magnificent fountain in the middle of a park. Sweeney’s blonde bangs come out towards his face from his hat. Holding a Mtn. Dew with his right hand. He gets on the fountain bench and stands up almost falling on the fountain.

Hello ladies and Gentleman. My name is Chris Sweeney the….7^th?, 8^th? I don’t know. My father died before I was born. Oh well. You may actually know one of the Sweeney’s that walked into this thing of ours. If you did, then maybe you knew of his paper. Mob News. Yes, Mob News. You can even call it Mom News from his mistake on his typewriter onto the title 

Takes a drink of his Mtn. Dew.

Better then Dr. Pepper. Anyways, back to Mob/Mom News. I would like to say that Mob News will be back for its last time. No, not one paper and that’s it. I mean if something happens to me in this life. No more of my children or children’s children will make a Mob News. This will be the last!

 The paper will introduce it’s self on a Saturday. So everything from Saturday to Saturday is on my paper. Now, I will need a crew for this. Well, technically not a crew. I need one person. I need an interviewer. I don’t have much money. But, if you want to work for my paper; just send me a message.

The paper will also include advertisements. Which are free to anyone. Just mail me the business or whatever. There will be competitions. And, they are cash prices.

That will be all. Have any questions; please ask. Just wanted to make this short and sweet. 

HAVE A NICE DAY!!!!

Hello agian people. I would just like to shout that Aldo will be our interviewer! YAY! Now, return what you were doing.

HAVE A NICE DAY!!!!

I'll be sure to hype your shit up next time I get on the microphone. Saluti! 

When can we be ezpecting your next show, Enzyte?

Sorry, expecting I meant to say. 

I recall past editions and incarnations of the Sweeney bloodlines' Mob News generated millions of dollars in funding from several high-profile Mafioso of the past. Quite an accomplishment for any journalist to achieve and a steal for the contributors to be honest, considering the publications were worth billions. I believe they can be found archived in the Mafia Museum of Art enclosed in a glass protective case, preserved much like the Declaration of Independence. I look forward to new re-release of the Sweeney Mob News my good man