The Late Great Tony_TwoTimes

There was a man who came among us recently to chronicle his journey from family to family, desperate to avoid the assassin’s bullet that might come for him any minute.  Hoping that the security of a family, any family would allow him to fulfil his ambitions of not so much.  That man was Tony_TwoTimes.  There are people who pass through this life whose presence can be like a ship in the night or those who appear like a lighthouse...guiding in the gloom.  Tony was to those of us at MG-PPR, like the Little Red Lighthouse.  Famous in it's own inimitable way.  With a dedicated band of devotees who take joy in the simple things of life.

We, the long serving writing staff formerly of MobGov, first came across the critical expertise of Tony and his ability to summarise succinctly the goings on when he marched into the presentation for the third MobGov survey, spat on the ground thinking the presenter was a drunk and proclaimed “What the fuck am I even reading.”  The ability to frame a question as a statement threw us in the office.  Had we presumed to much?  Had we assumed there was a level of engagement with the surveys that it was patently obvious to all what was presented?

From that point onwards, Tony_TwoTimes lent his name to the Tony_TwoTimes summary, where the broad points of the story were broken down into toddler sized overviews where those limited in their ability to retain concentration merely had to flick from summary to summary to get the salient points required.

Unfortunately, within the first Pew Pew Report we had forgotten that Tony was still even alive so did not repeat this service.

At the time of his appearing on our radar, one of the questions that did appear for our surveys was “Is Tony_TwoTimes long for this world?” and in all fairness he was.  He managed to last longer than many in this day and age.  Longer than most kid killers probably deserve.  During one visit to a church, Tony admitted

just as he goes to make his way out of the church a small boy of 13 comes running in. Tony aims the 38. towards the kids head firing one bullet into his forehead

Tony and his trusted .38 revolver were a deadly duo, like Nathan Leopold and Richard Loeb.  Living a .38 life in a 50 caliber world.

We never took the opportunity to delve into what Tony had done twice.  Played roulette?  Made it to second base?  Tried Tammy’s lumpy custard?  Feel free to speculate amongst yourselves. 

Whatever it was, he had survived it and it became part of him.  We won’t criticise the man for coming into the streets and getting involved…heaven knows the streets could use more people like Tony willing to live their lives in a more open manner.  There are people that resonate in this life whether it is to the collective or to an individual.  Tony made his mark on this world in the only way he knew how and we here at MG-PPR salute his efforts

Suffice to say that squirreled away dark recesses of the MG-PPR office, alongside the framed Tammy apron and the highly sought after Duggee Be Careful badge we have created the Tony_TwoTimes Wisdom Corner where our writers sit, bereft of inspiration and ask “What would Tony do?”

Ladies and gentlemen, while many of you may have no opinion on the lunchtime legend that we know and mildly mock, we know him as

Tony_Jonah_TwoTimes

Once_Twice_TwoTimesACrewleaderKilled

Tony_Tourist

But he will always by

Tony Two Times

A flash!

Tammy's eyes narrowed before she put her hands in front of her face. Was this the kind of thing her ancestors had experienced, when they had only recently arrived to this world, too..?

When she peeked between her fingers, a reporter jumped right onto the tile she just wanted to step on. Tammy was not amused by the lack of respect for her tilestepping disorder as the reporter suddenly started firing at her.

Questions, that was.. He was firing questions right at her..

Who is Tony? Tammy replied, stumbling.. But her reply was like ketchup.. The first bit came out hesitantly, the rest came out without any form of resistance. The reporter's questions backfired.

And who are you? What is the MobGov? MG-PPR sounds like a weird name to me, were your parents as retarded as mine? And why does that MobGov feel I am worth that combusting that much magnesiumpowder?

Custard?

Tammy felt the MobGov reporter was shooting blanks, but she thought quickly, making use of the attention to advertise a bit..

Custard..? There has been an extremely interesting custard recipe in my family. It is sensational, it contains highly concentrated capsules of a special, mouthwatering substance that makes all flavours explode in your mouth.. Perhaps I can make my Daily Special in the Best Superlative for Coffee in Las Vegas Business District to include custard one of these days.. As long as you leave your magnesium and blocknotes at home, you are most welcome there.

Tammy took MG-PPR's blocnote and pencil from him and wrote herself a reminder to include custard in tomorrow's special.. Or the next one. As she was about to hand back the blocknote, she stopped and asked What apron?

An exceptionally touching tribute, MG-PPR, to a man whose opinion brought an editorial change into reality. I can see him in heaven now, standing over the shoulder of Richard Harding Davis, asking him what the fuck he is going on about. We should all have someone around to hold us accountable for their lack of understanding. The world would be a simpler place.