"He he he, that's the 34th rule of Acquisition. Its particularly true if you are supplying both sides my dear."

Zek sat at a table in his own bar, an unidentified female sitting with her back to the casual observer sat opposite him. Maihar'du, his Hupyrian servant stood slightly behind his master, holding a tin of Hupyrian Beetle Snuff. Zek paused in his discourse to enjoy some of the meal laid out in front of him. Slug Steaks, jellied-gree worms, flaked blood fleas with a side order of chilled tube grubs all washed down with copious quantities of snail juice with extra shells. He had thought of ordering Crab, but it reminded him too much of his useless son Krax, who thankfully was half a quadrant and 400 years away.

"Of course you can tell that the Ferengi are not the only one's who practice the 34th rule, all you have to do is take a look in the obituaries and you will see that we are all at it. Its one of the reasons I came here. But then, that's why you agreed to dinner, you wanted to know what brought me to earth. Quark came here first, oh that was an accident, but he told me all about your people. Baseball, root beer, darts... atom bombs... oh wait, you haven't invented those yet, never mind. It intrigued me, a planet where you bought and consumed poison by lighting and inhaling it had to be ripe with opportunity. I had stepped down as Nagus and named Rom as my successor, I was old, the fires had dimmed, I just wasn't as greedy any more. Ishka and I had retired to Risa, but I was bored. It was then that i remembered what Quark had said about Earth. Here was a chance for me to relight the fire and reconnect with my greed. So I stole away in the night, booked passage on Shuttle and recreated the accident that had brought Quark to 1953, but I overshot and here I am."

Zek waved to Maihar'du who brought over the beetle snuff. Zek Clicked a button on the box and it clicked open.

"Can i interest you in some Hupyrian Bettle Snuff? No? Well suit yourself, more for meeee."

Zek bends over the box and takes a large pinch, before snorting it up both nostrils one after the other. Quickly closing the box he starts to sternutate, it slowly building as Zek huffs, wheezes and whimpers as the mild narcotic stimulates his nasal mucosa, ending in a violent sneeze that he stifles with his right hand. Maihar'du leans over and offers a plumb coloured handkerchief which Zek snatches angrily.

"A little late aren't we?"

He wipes his nose and blows loudly, before smiling broadly.

"So my dear, here we are. Of course I had to decide what I would invest my limited funds in. I must say my decision surprised even me. Gambling is always good, as are weapons. Alcohol is always a social lubricant as are other Narcotics, but there was one thing that you people seem to demand more of than anything else. I mean, you'd think it was toilet roll during a global pandemic. So I bought shares in the major players, I bought up all the stock I could find, and that's why Zek's Tissues are the only Tissue's you can buy now. A snip at 3 strips of Latinum erm I mean $20 a packet. You Hew-mons love your tissue. 2-ply, 3-ply, Female Size, Pocket Size, Man Size, and now thanks to the 34th rule of Acquisition we have butt hurt loser size now, 4-ply for extra absorbency. Its made me a fortune so far, he he he. I tried to get Sammy into tissues, but the man is obsessed with shoes. Shoes this, shoes that. There's only so many pairs of shoes a man can own, but crying in the streets lasts for ever. I might make that the 286th rule of acquisition. Some of you people would have to be using 20 kilos of heroin a week to have to make me as much profit on drugs as you do on tissue, and as they are disposable, its a win, win win situation for me!"