As Chicago is mine now, it is within my jurisdiction to proclaim that those who visit my fine city and do not proclaim their fandom for the Chicago Boston Celtics will be violently murdered. Please bend the knee for the best basketball team / part-time mafia gang in the country here or pay the price. 

Thank you. 

Nipples listens on, nodding his head...

"I can't say I like his taste in basketball team mafia gangs, but he shows ambition and initiative. You've got to give him that."

The Speedy Savages do not adhere to this fandom but are more than glad to work alongside Cromwell and his group of...athletes... to ensure the future success of Chicago. 

Steve tilts his head slightly, puzzled before he speaks.

Why not the Chicago Bulls?  Not a fan of the home team?

The Chicago who? Never heard of em

Bend the knee, McQueen

My mistake, I was thinking of a team named after the beer league I was in back in my college years.  At least it may as well have been. 

We have to ask Mr Cromwell, does this mean you are no longer seeking a trade in free agency?

Mr Cromwell

The only real sports are fishing and hunting.

That is all.

Thank you for your question, MG-PPR. I am pleased to announce that I have pulled out of all negotiations and have decided to accept an extension with Chicago for the foreseeable future, until such a time at which I am inevitably murdered by some try-hard little no life like JustinBieber. 

I am, however, alarmed at the lack of fandom being publicly declared. I can already see how strongly the LA Lakers have poisoned the minds of this community. It fills me with a murderous rage.

Mr. Swanson, with all due respect, those are hobbies, not sports and as the leader of Chicago, the mafia, and the streets, I could not be speaking from a position of more authority than I hold now. 

I appreciate your candour Mr Cromwell

I am prepared to accept your baskethoop team as the one I wave my ridiculous foam finger at.

I am pleased to hear that, Ron. I am eager to see Chicago quickly transform into the basketball-based dictatorship I envision in my mind, in which Lakers fans are brutally gunned down on the streets and greasy small-bodies like BenShapiro are quickly purged to make way for taller, more athletically-capable gangsters who don't need a footstool to pull in an offensive rebound or a therapist to get over a lifetime of incubating their Napoleonic complex. 

They do not belong in Chicago.

This is a city for tall, Celtics-loving basketball players / part-time gangsters.

I seem to be in something of a quandry

Nipples informed me I was to support the Bucks, which is something i would hunt so I'm inclined to.

Have we reached an impasse?

I will not bend the knee to some digusting fatty! Lose some weight first piglet

Disgusting fatty? That's coach Cromwell you're speaking to. If he's a disgusting fatty, you should see the rest of us.

The mean is in peak performance and honestly a freak of nature. The man can play all roles AND be a captain all while being a coach. He's graced us so much that he can't even play anymore, because he finds it unfair to the Lakers losers. I appreciate coach Cromwell.

He breeds greatness. In the time I've played on his team as mainly a bench warmer, i've gone from 435 pounds to 415 and still can guard a laker rat like you DrLove

Thank you Cashman. Too true. I fear DrLove is another one of these jealous fanboys who masks his admiration and obsession with our winning basketball team by feigning hatred and disdain. He reminds of the young moss-grazer Prescott, who died after attempting to shoot me last night. I believe he was still upset at his barring from our team's charity pot-luck and meet & greet event (for the community), after showing up with only a rock full of his chipped teeth to offer. 

smirks as he sees Cromwell run out of breath from speaking

Seems like Cromwell's Chicago is thriving. How many leaders is that who've died now under your care, Cromwell? 

Over the last 48 hours, I have been called a fat piglet and a suckass while being shot at constantly. I feel as if I've just experienced DaddyCream's entire childhood in two days. Life can be so cruel to the lesser fortunate.

The truth is, I fear Chicago is cursed. Zoom and Rowley were good men. A rogue deprived us of our chance to work together to rebuild this city. But we will have to move forward as we always have: by playing fucking smoking hot basketball. 

I would also like to take a moment to publicly mourn the loss of my oldest crew member, LEGEND. He is in heaven now, slamming nut-tap dunks on that ignominious lamebrain BenShapiro. You were a proper 1.12. RIP brother. 

Sorry for your losses Cromwell. I know that The Chicago Boston Celtics organization will do well with the re-building of Chicago. Let's go Celtics.