Have you ever felt like this?

"Well I am not sure what this basketball is and I do know that Chicago does not have a team called the Celtics.

Maybe in the future this may happen however." - FreddyFastFingers

This world can move at such breakneck speeds. What's all this fuss about technology? Electric toasters? Forget about it! 

Thankfully for you, there are people out there who want to get you caught up! That's why The Chicago Boston Celtics are proud to announce the opening of our new community center:

The FFFCFPWDKWBI: The FreddyFastFingers Center For People Who Don't Know What Basketball Is. 

At the FFFCFPWDKWBI, you'll have a chance to spend time with our top athletes figuring out the in's and out's of this thing we call basketball. 

Be prepared to learn things such as:

1. What basketball is

2. That Chicago has a team called the Chicago Boston Celtics

3. That the future is now

Featured workshops, such as Rubberlips' Using Your Giant Head's Gravitational Pull To Your Defensive Advantage will also bridge the gap between casual and expert basketballers, all levels of whom are welcome here. 

Ever wondered how star guard Cashman eats 4,000 calories a day? Come on down to the canteen!

Want to see JackieChan dunk himself? Check out our practice courts!

Curious how Druglord whips up the team's game-winning blend of HGH and protein? Our laboratory is now open!

As a minimally part-time mafia gang, The Chicago Boston Celtics have spared no expense putting this center together. That's why all membership is free. If you don't know what basketball is and also have a difficult time coming to terms with things happening right in front of you, wonder no more. The FFFCFPWDKWBI is here to help.