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| Swine Prowacking Services | Started by: FlyingPig on Mar 10, '08 23:42 |
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FlyingPig sits behind his desk tapping his pencil, waiting for the phone to ring. He lets out an exasperated sigh. The phone has not rung in over a week. Why would it ring now? Suddenly the lights begin to flicker, and after a minute, they shut off completely. "Fuck! Swine Euthanasia Services has no money left in the bank. I can't even pay the electric bill. What with all these Bosses being uptight about me helping out their chronically depressed members, I can't even get a dime into the till. I might have to close it down." With a sigh, FlyingPig gets up from his seat and walks over to the front window. He reaches for the sign on the window that displays "Swine Euthanasia Services" and flips it over. On the other side reads "Swine Prowacking Services". He rubs his hands together in anticipation of a prosperous start to his new business, and steps out into the streets to make an announcement. "Attention fellow mafiosi! It seems that the order of the day has assisted suicides being frowned upon, and my previous business venture has become obsolete. Crewleaders, I apologize if my euthanasia services stepped on a few toes. From this point forward, I will strive to protect my fellow man. With this in mind, I have decided to close down and begin a new service. I will no longer be helping the chronically depressed slip off into a gentle sleep. No, from now on I will be attempting to protect those who are willing to take a risk in order to enhance their reflexes. FlyingPig strings a ribbon across his business front, then pulls out a pair of scissors to cut the ribbon. I am announcing the grand opening of Swine Prowacking Services. Feeling paranoid? Do you think that a murderer is lurking around the corner waiting to get you? Well fear not! I will make sure that he NEVER gets the chance to kill you! This business venture is inspired by my true love of humanity and my passion to help my fellow mobster. I will be doing all that I can to make sure that those evil-doers never get the chance to kill you. Of course, I cannot guarantee that my services will produce the intended result, but I will promise a complete refund of all fees if things go wrong. So then, if you are willing to take a small risk, my door is open. The first 100 customers will receive this service free of charge. All that is required of customers is that they carry one of my business cards, which reads "I accepted a prowack from FlyingPig". This small requirement should be of no concern to you. It is simply a formality and should not be interpreted as a warning that things might go wrong. Nodding to the crowd, FlyingPig returns to his desk and cleans out his pistol, again waiting for the phone to ring. |
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Quickly dials all the numbers on the phone and waits... Ahh yes sir!! I heard you "protect people" when they cannot protect their own self - because of many reasons.. Well I have this "friend"... Smiles as he sets the picture of his friend on fire On the street he goes by the name "Cavilini" but you didnt hear it from me! I believe he might need your services soon and I believe he will be in contact in the next few days.. Hangs up the phone and sighs.. only a few more days until that punk 'gets it' |
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| Reply by: Alfonzo at Mar 11, '08 01:04 | |
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| A real bargain guys. Lap it up. | |
| Reply by: PrinceofCheese at Mar 11, '08 06:24 | |
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| A friend of mine also is in need of protecting. Goes by the name of WebSpider, I've been hearing dastardly things about HelpDesk being after him... | |
| Reply by: Dagenham_Phantom at Mar 12, '08 12:14 | |
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