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Never mind the Where, When the fuck am I? Started by: Jen on Jan 23, '21 22:08

“Yeah, yeah,” she said sarcastically to her mother before shutting the door a bit too hard. She paused for a second listening to see if her dad was willing to peel himself out of his recliner to yell at her about respect. Holding her breath she counted to ten before stumbling over to her bed. She let out a burp that echoed in the windowless room, painted like a fucked up Easter egg. “Well, Teddy, let me tell you about my night and Rich's very nice butt in his uniform.” she slurred to the stuffed animal on her bed as she removed her bra and dropped it on the floor next to a pile of dirty clothes, textbooks, and her absurdly large purse. She left the rest of her clothes on and took a step towards the bed to finally call it a night at 9:30 am. As she stepped forward, she managed to step on an old empty diet coke can, among the sea of empty cans, causing her to lose her balance and slam forward, head hitting the ledge above the bed and everything went dark. 

Her head hurt, wincing and squeezing her eyes tighter closed she laid where she was, cold and uncomfortable. She groaned and mumbled something about leaving her bedroom lights on, as she reached out blindly to find her blanket to cover her face with. “I’m going to murder Rich…” she thought, still feeling for the blanket. Realizing her hands were touching grass she popped her eyes open to look at the brilliant blue skies of Chicago above her. “What the fuck?” she quickly sat up, looking around. 

She had been to the city plenty of times in her life, between the parent's visitation and school field trips she knew the building in front of her and wondered how the fuck she got to the Museum campus off Lake Shore Drive. “Did… did we do drugs?” she wondered as she got to her feet, stretching a bit knowing that with youth comes a liver that will sort itself out shortly. Walking towards the steps that led up to the Shedd she patted down her pockets, wondering if she could call her Dad in Evanston to pick her up, or her Sister to meet her at the train station. She realized she had nothing on her, which was going to make a taxi fare and train ticket a bit difficult. 

But that was a future Jen problem, and right now she needed a bathroom and a cigarette. “Excuse me..” she called out to the man wearing a nice suit and hat,  near the steps of the aquarium, “What time is it?” she asked him as she got closer. She watched from a few steps away as the man looked her up and down, sneered, and then turned away. “I mean damn, I know I slept outside last night but I don’t think I look THAT bad.” she muttered before jogging across the pavement to see if she could find a cab to take her to Ogilvie station. 

She had started to wake up a bit, and that's when she looked around, really looked, and realized the buildings looked newer, people were dressed a bit strange and no one was trying to sell her a tourist bus ticket. “What the fuck?” she asked herself, looking around and noticing the cars, the people, and the strange lack of noise that usually accompanies the city. Running up the stairs around the back of the aquarium along the path on Lake Michigan she turned towards Navy Pier, “no… no no no.” she said, shaking her head with each word. The large white wheel was not there. “No…” She took off in a run, towards the pier, cursing herself, her liver, and her brain. She ran into somebody, who cried out “Look where you’re going!” as she carried on, turning slightly to flip them the bird. Eventually, her lungs gave out and she had to stop and sit on a bench. Huffing she looked down at her oversized T-shirt and too long Jeans before watching the people and how they were dressed. She recognized it, but she didn’t at the same time.


Hunching over she tried to catch her breath and stop the panic attack that was coming. “Your name is Jennifer Boyd, you are nineteen years old. You have a cat named Cider, your parents call you Little Jenny, your Dad calls you mush Mouse. You are having a bad dream and need to wake up. Boyd, you need to wake up.” she started off by pinching herself on the arm, but when that didn’t work with a scream of actual panic she started clawing at the skin shouting, “Wake up!” to herself over and over, as the waves of Lake Michigan broke against the shore behind her. 
 

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'hey, you ok there, you seem......I dunno, like you've been dragged through a hedge backwards'

Foamy didn't usually interact with strangers but this one had something eerily intriguing, perhaps it was the way she scratched herself, he wasn't sure.

'so, is there anything I can help you with'?

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"Dude, I don't even know where to begin." she said wrapping her arms around her body and looking around, "I woke up by the aquarium and now..." she looked at him, and his clothes and shook her head, "Mister, you got a cigarette?" she asked him. 

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Foamy thought it intriguing that someones first reaction to him wasn't 'fuck me, a talking squirrel' so reached into his pouch and produced a packet of camels. 

Discarding the miniture animals, he found the cigarettes and promptly offered Jen one of them

'here you go, so, you need a place to stay?'

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She nodded her head taking the cigarette and lighter. She lit it, inhaling deeply and tilting her head back and blowing it out slowly feeling as if a single street light needed to shine on her while she did this. Pushing the thought out of her mind she spoke, "I do, and some money. I just need to get a train back to the suburbs, maybe call home.." she inhaled again, watching a tiny camel make its way through the grass, wondering if she had a stroke. "No, we definitely did drugs," she muttered, watching it. 

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Foamy offered her his.......coat, it was an old one that he'd shed a while back but it should keep the new arrival slightly warmer.

'you're a long way from Kansas Dorothy and Home, well, that's where the heart is, I can help you get back on your feel though, come with me, we havlle a place that's cozy enough, pay your way and you'll be gravy'

Foamy flagged down a cab and told the driver to get to Bricktown

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She gratefully thanked the small creature as she wrapped the fur around her. "Well today certainly can't get any weirder," she told him before getting into the cab and sitting back against the seat and closing her eyes. "This is one hell of a hangover," she said out loud, dropping her arm over her eyes. "I'm Jen by the way," she mumbled, "My suburban manners were lost for a hot second there, sorry." she told him, sitting up a bit and holding out a hand. 

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Foamy too Jens hand in his paw and shook it warmly

'I appreciate the trust you've put in me. Not everyone one would get into a cab with a talking squirrel they've met for the first time so I appreciate that.  Indifference is going to love you.  Well, he'll be indifferent which is like love to him.  He's Canadian so automatically polite, you'll be fine'

Foamy tells the cabby to turn left at the lights and drive to the end of the cul de sac

'Well, here we are, need a hand with your.........oh, you haven't any luggage, you hungry'?

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Letting out a bit of a manic laugh she said, "Trust me, a talking squirrel is the least weird thing to happen to me today." before listening to him go on and watching the city pass by her. As the cab came to a stop she was about to say no, but her stomach betrayed her, letting out a noise like a roar, "Jenzilla..." she said with a smile, patting her stomach. "Suppose I am. Thank you, by the way." she told him as she slammed the door closed on the car. "You didn't have to stop, and lord knows if I came across me..." she looked down at herself "Anyway thank you." she forced a smile. 

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Foamy invited her into Dilligaf HQ, took her into the meh room and sat her down at the sofa of melancholy

Strange he thought, the clothes she wore, the hairstyle, the public flatulence were all things distinctly not of this time but he couldn't put his paw on it.

'so tell me, where you from?  and that'w quite and interesting outfit you have on'

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Wrapping her arms around her she looked around the room, taking in the decor and smell of beer causing her nose to wrinkle. "Smells like a house party." She told him, before he asked about where she's from. "Grew up in a small town outside of Chicago," she told him, "Not sure how I ended up in the city."

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Foamy took in this information and looked slightly perplexed

'I have to admit, i've never heard of it, but i'm sure it's just dandy, and I've got to say, that is an interesting outfit you've got on there, I haven't seen anything quite like it'

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She looked at the squirrel and shook her head, "Yeah, I'm not from here." she told him, gesturing at her clothes. "Woke up by the Shed, about..." she started counting on her fingers, shaking her head and starting over again, "What year is it?" She asked him, curious. "Because I'm thinking I have half a century ahead of me." she kept trying to find a newspaper as they walked towards the HQ, or anything with a date on it. "This is absurd." 

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Foamy looked at his new acquaintance quizzically, if he understood correctly, and this was by no means probable this person was talking about being from another time.

'err so it's the year of our squirrel on thousand, ninehundred and twenty something.  and *foamy pauses for comedic effect* its been years since you were in your 20's amirite?'

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She shook her head, "I'm only nineteen." she told him, "I turn twenty in 4 months and 16 days." she paused for a second, "Or... do I turn negative 94..." she asked quietly, "Good lord what the hell is happening to me." she cried before whirling around and grabbing the squirrel by his fuzzy lapels, "Seriously, you're not fucking with me, we're in the god damn fucking twenties?" She asked looking around her eyes wide, suddenly the appearance of the waterside making sense. "Ya know, flappers, mobsters, no booze fucking pew pew pew?" she asked, shaking him with each word, her voice getting higher and higher pitched. 

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Foamy felt dizzy as he got shaken around like a rag doll

'Yes, the 20's, you think a talking squirrel with a fedora would be in any other decade in history?  Also, who else speak like this, have you noticed a hustle?  IT'S THE 20'S AND THERE'S NO WAY OUT'

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He was rather heavy for a squirrel, she realized as her poor weak arms started to burn from the exertion of moving his hairy matter around. "Oh my god," she yelled, "What the fuck..." she started patting her pockets on her jeans and digging in her sweatshirt hoody pocket hoping for anything that could show him what was happening. And as a last resort, she checked her night out pockets, pulling out a lighter, spare two packs of cigarettes, phone card, and some receipts that... she scanned them quickly, "YES!" she exclaimed, thrusting her handful of boob sweat covered treasures over to the squirrel, keeping the cigarettes and lighting on. She crouched down on the pavement, staring and smoking while he looked at receipts. "The date," She told him, "Went out drinkin' last night at Firebar." she shook her head, "Lawson stiffed me on the shots of wild turkey so I had to cover the round, look at the date." she gestured with the cigarette, "Yeah, 2005." she told him, taking another drag as her body started to shake. 

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Foamy took the receipt, and wiped the excess boob sweat from it and held it up to the light.  

'what the fuck is a receipt?  and where did it come from?  I mean, not the boob sweat, I understand that, even squirrels get sweaty glands *whispers yes i mean gonads*' and is it real or are you playing a game with me?'

Foamy shoo'd away the remaining miniature camels and lit up a Winston, he'd never liked him and he deserved to burn

'I just don't know what the fuck to think'

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She started laughing mid-inhale and regardless of how cool she thought she was, her lungs refused to accept it so she ended up coughing and sputtering, hacking up whatever coated her abused organs like the book Tuesday's with Morrie. "Yeah imagine how I fucking feel, dude." she managed to gasp out. Normal people would put the cigarette out and think about their life choices, but not Jen. No, years of mental and physical trauma had reduced her to this, so as she pulled out another cigarette and lit it she said, "This place is the fucking cherry on the sundae." to Foamy as she got to her feet. 

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