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| 47 Presents: Charles Dickens Organized Crim | Started by: Mr_47 on Mar 17, '08 11:34 |
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**47 Presents, a proud subsidiary of WMOB Radio, a proud 47 Enterprises Company.** *The theme music from Masterpiece Theatre begins to play.* And now, ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to present to you a classic. This work of Dickens was lost for several weeks, then recovered from his trash bin, torn to pieces and wadded into a ball. It was found one day when I was searching for money. Hastily, I read the rough draft, edited it, and brought it here, for your entertainment. Now, without further adieu, Charles Dickens' Organized Crime. *Snow, at night. A figure dressed in black walks out of a building, flanked by two men in black trenchcoats. One opens his limosine door, and the man gets in as the door is closed behind him.* "Where to, boss?" the driver askes. "Home, by way of a liquor store," the man answers. The limo pulls to a stop in front of a liquor store and the man steps out. He goes inside, finds his favorite brand of whiskey and looks at the label. The label reads "Rosebud" His eyes grow wide and he throws the bottle through the window and ducks to the ground, waiting for the explosion. Nothing happpens. The liquor store attendant starts screaming and the limo driver comes inside. "What the hell, boss? What's the matter? Boss, that weren't nothin but a pint o' beer. You been workin' too hard. I gotta get you home to get some rest." He dropps a $20 on the counter and helps the boss to the car. Inside the car, his boss begins to talk. "You think I'm crazy, right? Yeah, you can do. I can tell. Let me tell you, I'm not crazy. I'm the most powerful mob boss in this damn town! I remember when I used to get some respect. Respect, damn it!" He pulls out his pistol and shoots the limo driver in the back of the head. The limo crashes into a pole and begins to burn. The passenger climbs out the back door, gun in hand, and stumbles around before collapsing in the snow. He wakes up inside a cell. End part 1. A little known fact is that Dickens always wrote when he was high on cocaine. Also, he had a penchant for pornography. Part two will continue later. |
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| Post script from 47: Any errors in the transcript belong to Dickens, not me. And who are you to criticize Charles Dickens? | |
| Reply by: Mr_47 at Mar 17, '08 11:36 | |
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*Mosh stands and begins to applaud. Others join along.* *After a 15 minuet intermission Mosh takes his seat for part two.* |
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| Reply by: Mosh at Mar 17, '08 11:51 | |
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And now, for Part Two of Dickens Masterpiece, Organized Crime. That snowy evening, the police incarcerated a man for the murder of his own driver. The man that they had in their cell was none other than Donald Vanetti, a local businessman known to his friends as Don. Don ran the town pet store, but had been acting oddly as of late. The police suspected that drugs were involved. When Don woke up, a policeman opened his cell door. "You're free to go, Don. Some guido in a suit bailed you out. Man, what have you gotten yourself into?" Don walked out without saying a word. The man in the suit led him out to another limo, opened the door, and crawled in behind him. "We bailed you out, Don Vanetti. Don't worry, the prosecutor is in our pocket. You won't do any time," the man said. "How many times do I have to tell you, it's just "Don?" That's my first name. I'm not your boss! I own a pet store!" "Right, boss. Keep up the cover, I get it. By da way, I was wantin' to shoot that bastich driver for a month. I think he's been screwin' my wife. But I wouldn'ta done it while he was drivin' me. Dat was dumb, boss." "What the hell did you just say to me Vincenzo? Did you call me stupid? I'm an idiot to you? Some sort of dancing clown here to entertain you? A dancing retard you like to throw sticks at? A developmentally challenged adult who needs constant supervision? Is that what I am to you? Do I make you laugh, Vincenzo?" "No, boss. I'm sorry. What happened to da cover?" "What cover? You're lucky I don't kill you like I did that driver. Disrespectful son of a bitch!" Don's gang was often confused, as was Don. You see, he had multiple personality disorder. Some times he was a petshop owner, other times, he was a mob boss. "Get us back to the HQ, Vincenzo. I got business." On the way to the HQ, Don would plot the murder of a rival mob boss, while Vincenzo would plot the murder of his wife and the continunation of his murder of the English language. The limo pulled up in front of a pet shop. Both men got out and went inside, through a door, into the back room. |
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| Reply by: Mr_47 at Mar 17, '08 12:00 | |
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*Again Mosh stands and applauds!* *Mosh runs the the restroom, hoping not to miss another second.* |
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| Reply by: Mosh at Mar 17, '08 12:10 | |
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And now, Part Three. The two men went into the back room, where several other men were sitting, playing cards. They stood when Don walked into the room. "We have a problem. This new boss is cutting in on my territory. We don't know who the hell he is, what he looks like, or when I fed the dogs. Does anyone know when I fed the dogs last? I have to feed them three times a day." Don turned and walked back into the store front, to feed his dogs. "I'm startin' ta worry about da boss, guys. Also, I gotta knock off my wife, she was screwin' da boss's driver," Vincenzo said after Don left. "Vincenzo, she's been screwin' everyone. Seriously, raise your hand if you haven't fucked Vincenzo's wife in the last three days," another man said. Everyone except Vincenzo raised their hand. "She told me she had a headache! That bitch! I don't blame you guys, she's a hot piece of ass." The men mumbled and nodded in agreement. Don came back into the room. "What the hell is this, a girl scout meeting? Get the hell out there and find this new boss. I want him dead! Whatever it takes. I don't care who you have to kill, bribe, or screw, just make sure he dies!" Don turned and stormed out, slamming the door behind him. "Well, boys, Vincenzo's wife can wait," a man snickered. "Actually, she can't, but someone's got her covered, I'm sure. Let's find this new guy and get back to our game." The men all split up, in search of information about the new underworld boss. Meanwhile, Don Vanetti sat in his office, plotting the death of his alternate personality. Unlike Don the Petshop Owner, Don Vanetti was aware of his "other." And he wasn't happy about it... |
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| Reply by: Mr_47 at Mar 17, '08 12:15 | |
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Oddly, at this point in the manuscript, Dickens has a large, rather childishly written note that reads: "LUNCH TIME!!!" I'm not yet sure how it fits into the plot, or if it does, but when I find out, in a few hours, I'll let you know. |
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| Reply by: Mr_47 at Mar 17, '08 12:18 | |
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Part... the next part. While Vincenzo and the other scoured the city looking for the new underground mob boss, Don Venetti thought of ways to get rid of his alter-ego. He tried shooting a mirror. Nothing felt different. He finally decided that, instead of killing Don, he'd make life so bad that Don wouldn't want to come back. The wedding was in Vegas, they had only known each other for hours. Don the Pet Shop owner was never heard from again. Back in New York, Vincenzo and the others gathered back at the pet shop to discuss the new mob boss. Vincenzo said, "Did youse guys get any leads?" The group of men looked at the ground, mumbling, and shuffling their feet. "What the hell? Where were you?" One man finally spoke up. "Well, you see, your wife was having a party..." "Damn it! She dies now!!" "Hold on there, Vincenzo. As we see it, she's not the problem. YOU are," a man named Madera said. "Frankly, Madera, I don't give a shit," Vincenzo replied. Then they shot him 47 times. When Don Venetti returned, Vincenzo was recovering nicely in the hospital. His men were out screwing Vincenzo's wife, and another mob boss had taken over New York. Vincenzo was released from the hospital, but while crossing the street, he was hit by a bus. He died three days later, when he was shot trying to rob a bank. Don Venetti lost everything. Even the pet shop. On top of that, he was married. Don the Pet Shop owner wouldn't come out of his subconscious and Don Venetti wanted back in. He was committed to a state mental hospital, where his wealthy wife visits him once a month. Don Venetti's men all died of syphillis. However, they didn't contract it from Vincenzo's wife, as you would have thought. No, Vincenzo's wife actually injected them with the disease. She wanted them dead. After all, as the new mob boss in town, she had to eliminate the competition. The End. **Editor's note: Dickens actually wrote "The End??" but, since he's currently dead, I omitted the "??" to add a bit of finality.** |
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| Reply by: Mr_47 at Mar 17, '08 14:24 | |
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