Gory Planet Travel Guides - A Good Guide Hoy Dia Means No Bad Flight Mañana.*

*FranciscoGoya

Welcome everyone to the second guide to one of the glorious cities.  This edition we are looking at the scratchy buttcrack of Los Vegas.  A necessary evil...like actually scratching your own arse...we all do it but nobody admits to going there.

As with all similar productions, most of the content is provided by our loyal readers but where necessary some artistic licence will find its way there.

Las Vegas Facts

• That place that all you gamblers associate with Las Vegas...The Las Vegas Strip, is actually in Paradise.  Should be called the Paradise Strip, instead the Paradise Strip is either something you get if you travel to Pahrump or one of them fancy bikini waxes.
• Sex work is illegal in Las Vegas.  Despite the many signs promoting the sex industry in Las Vegas, sex work is in fact prohibited in Sin City.  Head over to Pahrump, we’ll take you and sort you out 
• You can get married pretty much anywhere in Las Vegas.  Take your pick of glamorous locations to get hitched.  Even McFinnegan's - Irish Pub is getting in on the act, you’d have to find it first.  They’re very open minded so Angry_Goose and Georgette can finally find some acceptance in the middle of the desert.
• The city’s second greatest right hand man, MoYan, is the subject of a phenomenal work of art painted by FrancescitoGoyita and hanging in Francisco's Gallery de Arte situated in Detroit.  Head there, instead of Las Vegas, to appreciate Las Vegas while avoiding the discomfort of a sandy buttcrack.

Vegas Places To Stay

The one thing most people know about Vegas is the fuckton of hotels available for the gamblers among you.  If you’re looking for a slightly less legal home, check out these places:

PoisonIvy

Smithy

_Issei_

DaBaby

King_Solomon

JoeyJoJo

MrChaChaSlide

Big choice.  Gory planet have no opinion on any of the choices but as one of the longest standing cities around, it’s like putting your cash into gold.  Safe and secure, until all of a sudden it’s not.

Attractiveness Index

1 - Los Angeles

2 - Las Vegas

Safety Index

Less than a death a day over the last little while.  More than Los Angeles but even still, safe like investments in gold.

Las Vegas Businesses

Gory Planet hope that the anticipation of ending up within the Gory Planet guide, advertising that money simply can not buy, is helping to drive tourists to the Las Vegas business district

There is no custard related business within the top twenty business to warrant extending it beyond a top 10.  The information is correct at time of printing so if you think another business should be on this list, contact our complaints department.  Contact Toobad Sosad and he will direct your complaint to the appropriate trash bn.

Los Angeles has always had a thriving business community, even for the period when it was briefly called Seattle.  The author’s guide to Los Angeles, comrade Purple, was unavailable to help so Gory Planet had to do the research themselves.  Thanks Purple, thanks a lot.

• Dat Vegass.  Proprietor - MrChaChaSlide.  Smooth moves galore at Las Vegas’s premierish hotspot.  Get ready to swing your pants and keep MrChaChaSlide company.  As the man says, “This place just cant get any better.”
• Fremont Street.  Proprietor - Georgette.  Think The Strip is seedy?  Fremont Street invites you to hold its coat.  Fremont Street is the sticky residue on the bedsheets of a post Vegas wedding to a toothless hooker.  Totally worth the visit for a trip to the historic home of Vegas, let Georgette be your guide.
• Thor’s Hammered.  Proprietor - Kathryn.  The first pub in our guide.  Obviously, prohibition is a bitch but Thor’s Hammered sorts you out.  Ask for Finn.  Finn is cool, Finn MacCool he gets called by noone in particular.
• Zero to Hero Cafe.  Proprietor - Hero.  Serial entrepreneur Hero is in Las Vegas with his cafe.  We worry whether Hero has ever eaten breakfast, chips are not a breakfast food, and the less said about a veggie burger the better.  Vegetables are for still life paintings by FrancescitoGoyita.  They are not food.  We choose our own...eggs (fried) x 2, bacon x 2, hash browns and beans.  We recommend that...not veggie burgers.
• Gino’s.  Proprietor - Smithy.  Small, low key but well stocked.  We will pop in and ask for a drambuie next time we are in Vegas...let’s see how well stocked they really are!  An old, well established little place but thriving.  The sort of business worth visiting.
• The Naked Gun.  Proprietor - ThomasCrown.  Serial gun runner ThomasCrown’s establishment in Las Vegas.  He can get you literally any gun you want but this one has display cases and stuff so you can see before you buy.  Gory Planet fancy a nickel or gold plated pistol because nothing says you’ve made it than brandishing a shiny, glinty weapon in a dark alley.  
• Pauly_Boys Pub.  Proprietor - Pauly_Boy.  With so many people arriving in Vegas to hit the casinos, the pubs pop up alongside and Pauly_Boy’s is another in a long line of them.  There’s a really secure safe for all the money there too.  Don’t ask us for the code, we just let you know it’s there.  
• The Steak house.  Proprietor - DonnieGuiscard.  One of the oldest businesses in Las Vegas, almost there since the dawn of time and enjoying a revival as a hangout for some of Las Vegas’s leaders.  Pop in if you want to hang with the movers and shakers.  
• The Pair O'Dice Casino and Hotel.  Proprietor - Luc-DiCaprio.  Most popular casino and hotel in Las Vegas.  Head here if you have too much money and want to lose it all.  We’re not saying the dice are loaded but Gory Planet lost every bet we put down.  Please donate to Gory Planet so we can continue our fine fine work.
• House of magic.  Proprietor - Tangxuan.  Let’s be honest, where better a place to have a fortune teller’s.  Faces being chased out of town by the ownership of The Pair O'Dice Casino and Hotel.  Wary punters should consult with@Tangxuan before entering the casinos.  If he starts looking at you with a big grin, you’re on to a winner for sure.

Reader’s Opinions

First Thoughts On Las Vegas

• Let's not Fallout
• Only left alive as they are useless / none threatening
• Still here???
• Shoot the shit
• Total non-entity with nothing to offer.
• Cubes with point on them
• A failure of humanity to ever settle there
• Loathing
• Hmmmmmm?
• Truly a dream city for me filled with good people
• Shiny
• Desert
• Hookers and cocaine
• meh
• A city outside of the inner circle.  Only kept alive because Name of RH Redacted is trying to shag Name of GF Redacted and getting cucked.
• Casinos
• Meh

Gory Planet Says - Las Vegas could do with a good PR company to give them a shake.  They must be doing something right since they’ve been going for a bajillion years.  Relocate Las Vegas to Arizona or Florida, that’s where the old folks go right?

Las Vegas Is A Place To Visit Because

• It's not, I'm here because I picked the wrong destination at the airport - 47.1%
• The most mobstery of the desert cities - 17.6%
• Casino businesses - 12%
• The only place that would have me - 6%

Notable others:

• Ivy is hawt!
• we could do a takedown there
• I love the feel of sand in my butt crack

Gory Planet Says - 47% of people find their way here because of picking the wrong destination?  47% of people are stupid then.  That’s the “the dog ate my homework” reason for being here.  Hookers and casinos...except as we’ve already alluded to, you need to go to Pahrump for the hookers.

The Best Thing About Las Vegas

• Poison Ivy
• That its next on the list to get wiped
• MoYan has survived
• It’s not LA
• The flight out.
• Jaqs not being here
• GF spots soon to be for grabs
• Three hours from Name of LA Individual Redacted
• Its 12 hours away
• Always sunny and funny to be in there
• Sand
• Sandy butt cracks
• Hookers and cocaine
• Rymans ferro alloys
• The sad, lonely dudes
• The 3h flight to LA, which is in the proximity of gay-friendly San Francisco

The Worst Thing About Las Vegas

• The heat!
• I am stuck in a crew here
• Having to leave
• Choice in upper structure
• The leadership and crews.
• Losing on dice
• Still people living there
• Name of LA Individual Redacted can fly here
• its 12 hours away
• Its so long to the west
• Sand
• I don’t get there enough because it’s 12 hours away
• Hookers and cocaine
• lack of ferro alloys
• The sad, lonely dudes
• Losing on dice
• Revan
• Joey JoJOJoJo....who?
• Landing at the strip without perking

Conclusion

Las Vegas has many attractive attributes, it’s proximity to Pahrump, the departure lounge and MoYan.  I mean, MoYan is not conventionally attractive...sure...but when you peel back the layers, like a game of pass the parcel that lasts six weeks...you eventually get to the prize inside.

Visit Vegas, only a 90 minute bus ride from Pahrump.

Laughing to herself she tucked the paper under her arm, "Lovely as always, Ryman" she said. "Although I can't say I'm going to marry a goose, or much less anyone else. Could you imagine someone daft enough to put up with me for years?" she shook her head, "Not a chance." 

Yo would, @Courgette.. If I wouldn't sentir obliged to arte to put todo mi effort in pintar..

But regresando to the core.. Ryman_Branson, what an piece extraordinario of guía you have delivered. I see verde, veo white, I see blue and amarillo-near-orange, yo veo beautiful colores, and despite the lack of rojo y púrpura, yo would like to applaud en publico for tí.

Al aspecto inferior, about the content, it tambien is muy interesting to know por que people house en Las Vegas, cómo the residents think, why gente fly to Las Meadows y that there are tan mucho posibilidades to visit en The Vegas. I nunca knew there aren't unos ferro-alloys allá..

Proxima time I will visit Pahrump, yo will seguramente make un detour via The Meadows, con this guide under my arm.

Muchas graciases, señor Ryman_Branson!

After reading the paper WhyBother thanked the editor for his great work to getting all this good reading out from Las Vegas. He puts the paper under his left arm and walks so out again in the city where the lights were about to go out after a good day and now soon the night getting closer.

He stood there with a smile on his face after thinking so much fun he just read in the paper, he lights up a smoke and then turn left to a meeting he had with some really old and goodd friends in town.

BlackBlack reads the information booklet and has some giggles to himself. Coming from a long line of gamblers, he is familiar with many of the sites that Las Vegas has to offer. He even acts as an assistant at one of the places to stay. BlackBlack takes a swig from his hip flask and continues on his way, grinning about the great times he has had in Vegas.

Herbert walked up to the news stand and paid the fee for the paper before looking it over. It had been quite a while since he saw a paper around here, he always loved reading them, and he hoped he would continue to see more. It used to be a time honored tradtiion in this thing of ours to have a paper running. It was the best way to get the inside scoop on what was going on in the other 6 cities and without it you were left to gossip and rumors. 

"Quite and interesting read" He said to the man running the news stand. "You know what, can I get a pack of gum and some cigarettes while you're at it." He said and he plopped another few bucks down on the table. 

He went back to reading and figured he out to send a mail to Ryland and let him know how much he appreciated his hard work. The reason you didn't see papers so often any more was how much work it was that you had to put into it for it to be any decent. Let alone that if you want to have collaborators and decent columns, you were talking about hours and hours of work just for a 20 min read once a week by the patrons. Never the less it was something that mattered, something that should be thanked, something that people only regret they dont' have when it's gone. 

"You know what, I'll take two." Herbert said plopping some more money down and grabbing another paper. As he strolled away from the news stand he gave the paper to a near by bum. Maybe he would read it and learn something, or maybe just use it for some bedding. Either way, he was still supporting the cause a little bit more.