* A man stands at the bar, drunk and unsteady.  He starts to talk to anyone who will listen *

 This can be a lonely life, this thing of ours.  You know, I've made a lot of cash, I talk to people in the family, but it's all business, business, business.  I know some of you go to the Bordello - but that ain't me.  No, I just want pals, and pals who care.  Even if they don't care, ya know?  Bust my chops?  OK, I've been a bad boy.  But look at this...  I gotta million dollars.  And I'm interested in what YOU have to say...  So come and talk to me.  I'll make it worth your while.

 (OOC - paying $25,000 per MobMail of 20 words or more - best one gets $200,000 - $1M in the kitty, competition closes when the dough runs out)

Bonzo, from your drunk and unsteady gait, to the $25,000 that you're offering for a friend - I knew that we would get along like a house on fire.

Old Chuckle has never been one to leave anyone in the lurch and having to serve in the same family as EvilClown-, well, I feel your pain my brother. Nobody should be subjected to such a torment and nobody should have to stand before the wrath of that bitter, inbred dwarf alone.

I'm here for you Bonzo, just like Marionette is there for the pigeons in our HQ. Except if you shit on me, I won't eat it.

Together we will be the greatest friends since Cain and Abel.

Chuckle opens his arms wide.

Come here big guy.

~C~

*Trys to pick Bonzo's pockets as he stumbles of his stool...*

it sems you're not as 'Rich' as you make out my friend, seemingly not a million dollars anyway.

I'll get you a drink in, we don't want you on the breadline after this now do we

*Slides Bonzo the lonely ads column of the local gazette*

Have a look in here, just steer clear of the ad titled 'Clown Seeks Midget with GSOH'. 

These words are free, am not a man whore

Chuckle my friend!

This is from my accountant...

Your accountant makes note that $25,000 has been wired to Chuckle from your account. And thank you for the companionship and the conversation.  I liked your topics.  Well, let's kick this off, my new best friend.  Who is Augustus?  And who is this associate that you speak of?

Paris - have this; Your accountant makes note that $25,000 has been wired to pariso from your account.

That's enough to keep us in booze all night.  Use the rest to put an ad in the lonely hearts.

Damn right...

Why does nobody talk to me?  Who the Hell knows! 

What do you reckon?

The night is dank with the sweat of inequity, the atmosphere is almost rancid. This area of town sees only the malignant of society turning over street bums and old lady whores who are too dried up to ply their trade. EvilClown- passes from time to time, his army of midget scousers in tow, a cacohophy of "eehh, ayy, aa, schalm down schalm down" betrays his presence now, those little guys that follow him round can't keep quiet for a second. He is not surprised at all to see chuckle here, it doesn't even warrant a raise of his painted on eyebrow.

"Bonzo, I would advise fraternising will this miscreant chuckle. He will try to dazzle and beguile you with his flowery words but once he gets you close all he will be interested in is how many snooker balls he can make disappear. See those pillars and blowtorch he carries round?

Well let me tell you something for nothing.

He Aint no electrician!

As you can see from the slurring of EvilClown-'s words, the effects of inbreeding can never be truly hidden. They try to paint their faces, wear masks or create an imaginary midget ensemble, but the illusion fools no-one and we're all left staring at the 6 fingered hands and webbed toes. I on the other hand, am of such a reputable character that I'm shortly expecting to be inaugurated as "Saint Chuckle of Chicago", patron saint of honesty and trust.

Casting aside the painted buffoon for the time being, I am flabbergasted to hear you ask of the mighty Augustus as if you have never heard his name whispered on every tongue. The man is a living legend, carved from the same crust as his brother PizzaTheHut. The pair travel the world together, from the Blue Bukkake in Chicago, to the exotic lands of India in the east. Never have such a company been so inseparable and so similar in skill and ability. The talents of the mighty Augustus cannot be ignored; even the great Sweeney honours him with a mention in his majestic publication, "Mob News", second only to the Reaper Daily in terms of quality.

As to my embarrassing associate, he is a continual disappointment to me and I am trying desperately to offload him. The pound wouldn't have him, despite his striking similarity to a stray dog and they wouldn't even put him down! I'm at a loss as to what to do with him. He is bad tempered, lazy and rarely does any task that is set for him. The windows in the HQ remain unclean and the ornaments are still all dusty. I really don't know what else to try. I'm considering putting Alexander in a box and throwing him out the window of my car. Maybe that is for the best.

~C~

Bonzo's head lifts slowly off the table.  He looks round to see the RHM of his family and several, newly wealthy, men hanging around.  Is this really what he wished for?

A Scouser?!  $25,000 to anyone who can find my wallet!

Whilst I would love an Associate, I fear that me employing yours might lead to a ‘kerfuffle’ between the head honchos of this thing of ours.  But hey, what do they know?  My immediate superior thinks that children’s entertainers are Evil.  He must be in Never-Neverland.  Maybe in a ranch.  With a monkey.  Or something.

I don’t know what I don’t know but I like what I like.   And I like the sound of that place in Chicago.  What’s it like?  Rubber floors?  Rubber Soul?  Like the Scousers like to sing?

Chuckle, what’s it like being a scribe?  Does it pay well?

Bonzo, I told you my words are free, I have taken out the $100 I gave you to buy the milk and cookies though

Your accountant makes note that $24,900 has been wired to Bonzo from your account.

i've also taken your advice and put out a lonely ad.. am feeling hopeful

"Full bodied man, 27 seeks Imp to fiddle with whilst watching hell burn over . Must have no identifying scars, and all limbs in tact. Likes eating soup, and peanut butter and marshmellow sandwiches. Please send photo of someone esle, should you have a face no mother could love. You bring the salsa I bring the mayonaise"

hi ..i am also a helping buddy!

Bonzo let's go at my mama's house.

We will watch old cowboy movies

and drink beer.Let'z go.