War…  Such a simple little word.  Only three letters to spell…  One of the shortest words in the English language…  And even so it was one that carried with it more pain, more sorrow, more anguish than so many of the rest of them put together.  Easily it could rank up there as one of the most painful concepts that there are…  And even so, that is only one side of the story.  To some, War was a cleansing, to some it is a means to an end.  But to someone…  It is the end of everything they know.

That is where Anya stood now.  Had it truly only been days ago that Ethan had held out his hand and requested that she join him on their next big step?  Their next big adventure?  Had it only been a few days ago that he had told her that he wanted her at his side unto death?  Had it truly only been a few days ago that he had once again assured her that she was worth his time and his devotion as one of his flock, his family…  Had it only been a handful of days prior?  How could it have been?  This last week…  It had felt like an eternity.  Still even as the criminal underground came together and began to pick up the pieces…  War still waged in Anya’s mind. 

She tried…  Truly she did.  She tried to pick up the pieces along with the others…  To trudge on…  To find and gather those that were scared but carrying on.  But war kept coming…  Another day, another body count…  More of those she cared about and the number kept rising…  Velvet…  Storm…  Tyki…  Ethan…  Just to name a few.  Their names and faces kept resurfacing in her mind and feeding her inner demons.  Just when she’d thought she’d escaped them…  They were back.  Finding herself in her newest crew…  Third one in just a handful of days…  She threw herself fully into the work of rebuilding.  She worked with her hands until they were bloodied and yet even that couldn’t combat the images…

Bullets flew…  She could hear them…  The tang of blood was in the air so thick that she could near taste it.  The screams…  Oh the screams…  Terror, pain, anguish…  They ripped through the air and your very soul.  This was what War was…  And though she fought in the trenches alongside those she loved, the reality hit her like a brick wall…  Hard and unyielding.  It didn’t let up.  They kept fighting…  Good men and women kept dying…  But the thing about War is…  You didn’t fight because you wanted to do what was wrong…  You fought because you felt you had a cause…  Tears stung Anya’s eyes as she set down her tools and without a word to the work crew around her, she ran…  Oh she ran…  She had to get out of here.  Tears streaming down her eyes, she couldn’t rightly let someone just see her like this.

So it was as she ducked down the next side street, she came across a sweet little convertible.  Perfect.  It was fast enough and she had picked up a few tricks in the area of…  Acquiring getaway cars.  So it was that minutes later she had the car roaring to life and off she sped not even worried about the fact that it wasn’t hers, much less that she didn’t have a license to drive it.  She had the rough idea and so off down the roads she sped until she felt she was far enough out.  She had driven all the way out a coastal highway until the road had stopped and the gas tank had run all but dry.  Fumbling with the lock, Anya let herself out of the car, tears streaming from her eyes as she stumbled right onto the sandy surface of the coastline.  She walked now, moving along the deserted beach as she allowed her tortured thoughts to have their way.  Here away from the prying eyes, she let it all go.  “Why…”  She snarled that word softly through heavy sobs that wracked her tiny frame.  “Why!?”  She broke into a run.  Faster…  Faster!  Maybe she could outrun it.  Maybe she’d find Ethan.  Maybe she’d find that it had all just simply been a bad dream…  A cruel trick of fate.  Maybe she’d get home and Ethan would ask her where on Earth she’d been the whole day?  Maybe…  Faster.  Anya pushed herself as her chest heaved.  A soft whine broke through the haze.  No.  Faster.  

Anya ran until she simply couldn’t run any more and almost as if it had been rehearsed, she slowed, the sorrow catching up with her and again overwhelming her.  She fell to her knees and simply sobbed.  “Ethan…  I can’t do it without you.  Y-You believed that I could succeed but I can’t. I just can’t!”  Tears continued to flow, choking her up as she railed at the gentle lapping waves.  “You were right on one thing though…”  She hiccuped softly.  “I didn’t know what I was asking you…  I didn’t know at all.  And I was wrong…  So very wrong.  I was not good for you and your family.  I never was.”  She sniffled softly as she curled in on herself just allowing herself to dissolve as the waves slowly lapped closer and closer with each passing crest.  The weight of her own thoughts pressed in on her in a smothering fashion as she succumbed to her own grief.  Through the whole war she had made herself press on, keep shooting, keep running…  But now the horror caught up to her full force and it buried her in a manner that no physical substance ever could.  

But then something happened.  A light…  So to speak.  No, no light that you could see although the sun burned bright and beautiful in the sky…  But a light to the soul.  At Anya’s hip hung the same satchel that she never went anywhere without.  She almost took it for granted.  The kits were near constant companions even as they began to come into themselves.  To grow into lovely little adolescent scamps.  But today both of them had squirreled away in her pack as she had worked.  They had fashioned the pack so that almost no matter what Anya was doing, as long as she didn’t take a direct hit to them, they were just fine.  Secured against her side almost like a kangaroo might hold her joey.  Only less centered on her midriff.  But either way it was so familiar to Anya that she had all but forgotten it was there until she heard a more insistent little squeak.  But Anya was a tad too far gone.  “Not now Lovely…”  She whispered softly.  But the kit wasn’t to be dissuaded.  In fact some scuffling was heard until the two russet forms tumbled out upon the sand.  At first the bigger of the two ducked down and wriggled excitedly before tackling his sister.  The sand flew about as an innocent bout of play ensued.  Anya didn’t even look up.  Her cloud was too great, so great that the normal life and way of things that continued on was beyond her.    

The smaller of the two wandered over, giving a sharp yap to her brother before gently pressing her cold nose against the crook of Anya’s elbow.  A sharp intake of breath was taken followed by a shuddering exhale and another sharp intake.  It was as if Anya had forgotten to breathe in that moment and the cold wetness was enough to poke a hole in the containment.

Slowly…  So slowly Anya lifted her head as if that simple task was almost too much.  But there, at her right elbow her ice blue eyes met eyes of melted chocolate.  Warm and inviting.  The small russet creature seemed to speak through those eyes.  From what Anya had heard, she was very much like her mother in that regard.  Just a kit but the amount of understanding that seemed to radiate from the quiet tiny she-fox.  And despite her brother’s consistent invitations to play, she merely gazed up at Anya.  The tears slowed and Anya slowly and tentatively uncurled her form.  She carefully reached out to touch Lovely’s soft fur and run her hand down her back.  Lovely closed her eyes to enjoy the attention before crawling into the gap that Anya’s arm moving had made.  Anya shifted back to settle her rump properly on the sand to accept the kit’s affection.  She held her and merely petted her softly whispering gentle words of love and gratitude…  Words that she never felt she’d have for the prey.  But the more time she spent with them, the more she understood Vivien and Ethan.  

Just as her breathing slowly got back to normal, Lovely disappeared into the pack again.  Blinking in some bewilderment, Anya glanced around both to try and locate her and Little Man both.  Noting that Little Man was now batting at the oncoming surf, she smiled a little.  Within moments, Lovely’s muzzle appeared again and in it was a simple cloth.  At first Anya didn’t recognize it.  “Whatcha got there girl?”  Anya questioned softly and Lovely crawled back out onto her lap and carefully laid it upon her knee gazing up at her meaningfully.  Anya’s breath became slightly ragged.  There upon her knee lay the very handkerchief that she had been carrying with her since that fateful day that she met the man who would be instrumental in helping her to find herself again.  Biting her lip softly, she took up the silken fabric feeling tears start up again.  This time they were a more gentle sort as they slid down her cheeks…  More therapeutic than the force of nature she’d been only moments before.  “You knew…”  She whispered softly, almost inaudibly.  

Finally allowing her gaze to rise again, she noted that the beach was slowly getting more crowded.  Families bringing their kids to play in the gentle waves and build sand castles… Couples walking hand in hand enjoying the sunshine… Dogs chasing sticks and balls with reckless abandon…  Life.  Life went on and continued despite the ravaged landscape.  New life would spring up.  Already even the criminal underworld was repairing itself as kin to the fallen stepped forward to begin their story.  “One chapter ends and another begins…”  Anya shook her head a little as words spoken by someone floated to her mind.  Heck she didn’t even know where she heard it but heck if her mind would spit out such drivel.  Smiling slightly to herself, she pushed up from the ground, still cradling Lovely.  “Let’s go home and see what tomorrow brings yea?”  Lovely yapped softly to her, but instead of obediently crawling back into the satchel, she launched at her brother from the air to tussle into the sand.  Kicking up sand, the pair of them wrestled right into the surf.  Anya rolled her eyes and nodded before calling out after them.  “Five more minutes!”  With that she sighed and sat down silently.  She knew her demons were not pushed back…  But perhaps now she could deal with them…  As the dust settles.