Dinky woke up that morning with a craving for a bagel. Not just a craving, a need! But not just any bagel would do. It would need to be the best damn bagel in town. Gertrude's Meats and Bagels had the best damn bagels in town and everyone knew it. If you didn't know it you'd soon come to realize after just one bite. And if you still didn't know it after tasting the best damn bagels in town made by Gertrude you'd just be denying yourself and lying. And if you persisted on the untruth that Gertrude had the best damn bagels in town you'd probably be shot in the face. Especially if you went running your mouth about it. 

Before Dinky would be able to devour Gertrude's best damn bagel in town she'd have to figure out who the strange man was sleeping next to her in bed. When she shot awakee just moments before craving bagels the night before hadn't caught up with her yet. But as the morning's sun seeped through the blinds in her apartment it did. Last night was a blur of laughter, friends, drinking, and dancing. And I guess whoever this fella was. 

She cocked her head, slightly like a curious dog and reached out her arm. Extending a finger she cautisly poked the man in his bare left shoulder. He groaned, but besides that didn't do shit else. Dinky did what any normal person would do and started screaming at the top of her lungs. The man next to her jolted awake, got lost in the bedding for a moment, regained some of his dignity and turned to face her. At that point she had stopped screaming - it had done what it was meant to do. The screaming had turned to laughter, a little on the manic side, and then turned into dread. 

Ew gross. This was not self care. As she realized who the naked man was next to her own nakedness was she didn't know if she could even eat the best damn bagel in town created by Gertude. Why the FUCK was she taking Little Johnny home with her. 

Ughhhh

She groaned out loud. Dinky half rolled her eyes as she slumped her shoulders. 

"Oh baby is that groan for me."

Dinky could feel the bile rise in her throat as Little Johnny called her baby. The man had a one track mind. Like he didn't even give a shit that she had just been screaming at the top of her lungs moments ago. 

Ew, no. 

"Oh baby you don't have to act like that"

Oh I know I don't have to, this is a choice. Who even let you in here?

"Oh baby baby darling don't you remember the beautiful night we spent together last night?"

Dinky literally gagged as Little Johnny winked at her. Little Johnny always thought he was a smooth charmer. And sure, at one point in Dinky's life his tricks had worked on her, but no more. This was the LAST time. 

I'm leaving.

"Oh baby you don't want to have a little morning roll in the sheets?"

No. 

"Well then do you mind if I go back to sl..."

Get the fuck out before I chop off another one of your fingers.

Dinky stood stark naked from the bed and pointed towards the door. 

"Baby baby I thought we made up last night."

Johnny you do not want to test me right now. 

"Oh baby, don't ya be knowin' I love how aggressive you are."

Johnny....

It came out with a little growl.

I'm too fuckin' hungry to play these games with you.

"Baby girl, if that's it let me take you out to breakfest. Let's go to that little french place you like."

Dinky rolled her eyes, bent down grabbing her pocket knife from one of the mismatched bedside tables and pulled it on Johnny. Who immediately stumbled naked out of bed. She through on some clothes herself and a few seconds later she was russhing Little Johnny out of her apartment. He was still shirtless, his pants weren't even done up, but she didn't fucking care. Dinky was on a bagel mission and that's all that mattered. 

~ A little bit later ~

Dinky stepped out of Gertrude's Meat and Bagels with a lucsious fresh bagel in her mouth. She tore off a piece with her teeth and fell into absolute carb ecstasy. If anything could take away last night's bad decisions it was Gertrude's best damn bagels in town...and more alcohol. So, bagel in hand, Dinky started walking towards one of her favorite watering holes to start the day early. The drinking day early.

As she crossed the street and turned a corner she found herself having to listen to some idiot on a soap box shout some nonsense about how smoking was bad for you? Dinky shook her head. For whatever insane reasons she stopped to listen. The man up on the box droned on like he was the most important dude to ever grace them with his presence while simultaneously being the most boring piece of shit to ever open their mouth. Dinky pulled a pack of smokes from her pocket, struck a match and lit a cigarrette. 

"To this I say, as long as you do not permit your children to smoke unsupervised there should be no problem whatsoever."

The man kept rattling off "facts" Dinky enjoyed her smoke. Do they just give anyone a soapbox these days? What happened to the great speakers that actually had something valuable to say. Also, let kids smoke. Life is hard for everyone.

What the fuck is this shit?

Dinky asked to really no one in particular. She flicked her finished cigarette toward the man still dribbling on and continued on with her day. But just as she rounded the next corner she heard gun shots from behind her. Quickly Dinky turned to see the guy on the soapbox laying in the middle of the street, a pool of blood quickly surrounding him.

What a weird fucking morning - she thought to herself. Then someone started shouting.

"No, no, not Billy_The_Puppet. Taken away from us too soon."

Dinky narrowed her eyes and noticed that it was the soap box man...billy the puppet...who was holding the gun. He fucking killed himself. Obviously couldn't even handle his own epic speach. 

Fucking idiots.

She said under her breath and took another bite of the best damn bagel in town.