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| The Saint presents a 47 Presents story | Started by: The_Saint on Mar 25, '08 17:51 |
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Ladies and Gentlemen, this episode of Mr. 47 presents is brought to you by the law firm of Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe, representing Mafioso since before Valentine's Day. *Theme Music* Mr. 47 silhouette walks into the chalk outline drawn on the wall. Mr 47: Good evening. Tonight's episode is a tale of darkness and fear. It takes place in the inner sanctum of . . . THE LIBRARY FADE IN INT. - LIBRARY, NIGHT Two young men stand behind the circulation desk of The Library. Both are wearing nice suits. The taller of the two, Mr. 47 flips through a book about spiders. The other, The_Saint, plays a game on the computer. MR. 47: It's been a quiet night here. THE_SAINT: So it has. There's not been a report of the Psycho Six in weeks. Mr. 47 shudders. Suddenly, the lights go out. The Library lies in a palpable darkness, a darkness so thick you can feel it climb up your back. The_Saint reaches for a flashlight, in vain. THE_SAINT: 47, I can't find a flashlight! MR. 47: Do you have matches or a lighter? THE_SAINT: I'm not allowed to carry a lighter in here anymore. Remember that unfortunate "misunderstanding" I had?" MR. 47: Ah yes, when you tried to set that girl's hair on fire. THE_SAINT: That's not exactly how it happened. Enough of this, we'd better find out what's wrong. Several of the lights flicker back on. A fog or mist fills the dimly lighted library. Screams of pain and anguish can be heard from the stacks upstairs. A figure breaks out of the mists. Theresa runs towards the desk like Jesse Owens away from the SA. DEVIANT: Aiiiieeee! Oh! The humanity The Horror! The Horror! MR. 47: Nice Conrad reference, Theresa, what's wrong? She doesn't answer as she runs out the door and into the night. THE_SAINT: We'd better see what's going on upstairs. MR. 47: Does this really strike you as a good idea? THE_SAINT: No, not at all. Let's do it anyway. MR. 47: All right, I'm following you. The_Saint borrows Dark Phoenix's best baseball bat, and 47 gets a cross from Father John. The make their way through the mysterious mist to the elevators. The get into the elevator and the sounds of the screams intensify as they reverberate through the elevator shaft. The_Saint hits the button for the second floor of the stacks. The short elevator ride ends. CUT TO INT. LIBRARY STACKS -- NIGHT The doors open to a scene of unmitigated horror, the likes of which have not been witness by mortal man. The sprinklers systems have been activated, sending a shower down onto the mist. The two can barely see. Mr. 47 trips over a mangled body lying on the floor. He gently picks up the head to view the face, but the head rips off the body at the neck. MR. 47: Alas! Poor Dick . . . I knew him well, Saint. The_Saint does not listen. He's staring at the ceiling, water splashing in his face. A large, blue bird hangs upside down. The_Saint removes his hate for a moment. They make their way through the stacks, passing book after book, every pushing towards the heart of the screams. They pass the bodies of Tattooed Zen and Wolverine Forever. Being resourceful, The_Saint lays a book about flowers on their chests. Out of the mist, a zombie army starts coming towards them, led by SamSamTheZombieMan. THE_SAINT: Aren't these things supposed to be afraid of silver bullets? MR. 47: No, those are werewolves. Mr. 47's leg is grabbed by a zombie and pulls him into the shelves. Books fly everywhere. The_Saint runs after him, beating back zombies with his bat. A zombie that looks like _____ flies against the wall with a home run hitting slug from the bat. Books topple on top of The_Saint. He looks up and sees naked rodents. THE_SAINT: Bah! Some of TheBaroness' liberated rodents have gone bad. He knocks one back with the Soprano's Family Cookbook (a real book, I swear), and two more attack his bat. He finds the pile of books burning Mr. 47, and pulls them off of him. MR. 47: It's too horrible. Too, too horrible. They run through another book stack, and there, before them, standing in all their devilish evil, The Psycho Six. 1) Shubov - has only one eyebrow across both eyes. His oversized head holds sharp teeth for eating human flesh. 2) Admiral Phil Collins - In a security guard uniform, tries to draw a gun out of his empty holster. Finding it empty, he resumes his conversation with the vent. 3) Sherlock - Sits in a chair a regales the two boring pointless stories. 4) The East German - Has a horrible limp. Commands the limping zombies. 5) Mr. Giggles - Sits at a computer looking around through his large, round glasses, and laughs to himself. 6) Tolstoy - Large, homeless looking chap. Also, and endless conversationalist who could use a bath. MR. 47: Oh dear god! We've found the source of all the evil. It's been right here in the library the whole time. They both turn to run, but their path is block by inactive gangsters stacked like lawn furniture. They push at the obstacles, but to no avail. The six jump upon them, and the two are never heard from again. FADE OUT: MR. 47. That was tonight's episode. The moral of the story is . . . there is no moral. |
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| Good lord. That story hardly lives up to the high standards set by 47 Enterpris... wait, yeah, it does. THAT is the kind of semi-entertaining bullshit we've been looking for! Someone give this kid a contract! What? He's already using the brand name? Then sue the hell out of this hack bastard! | |
| Reply by: Mr_47 at Mar 25, '08 21:24 | |
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| You sound more like a Phil Ken Sebben than the esteemed leader of 47 Enterprises. Don't worry, plagiarism is my stock in trade, and there's plenty more where that came from. | |
| Reply by: The_Saint at Mar 26, '08 03:44 | |
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