I was another nobody before I ran into the hapless Dr_Satan gang making an ill-fated attempt to rob an art gallery. I had that hard-earned voting money burning a hole in my pocket, but I wanted more, so I accepted. The job was a complete failure, naturally, and we all ended up getting pinched. Getting jail time on my first day on the job taught me one thing. Sticking with this gaggle of try-hard no-hopers was going to make me look better by association. I served my time. When I got out, there was an invite waiting for me to join their squad. They gave me $100,000 right off the bat to start doing drugs. $130,000 in my back pocket and I was an associate in a gang. This was the life.

Not everyone picks a crew as good as mine. I see a lot of people who take the cowardly way out by bravely committing suicide because they aren't Radioactive like me. I thought it would be a good idea to share some of the secrets of my why my team are really good to work with in case people didn't know and then maybe they could let people know about the things their posse are doing well too?

Nobody bothers you

Since I found Dr_Satan trying to lick his way over the velvet rope protecting those paintings he couldn't fucking steal, nobody here has spoken to me at all. This has really given me plenty of time to work on my analogies.

Banging HQ notice board

On my first night out of the slammer I headed to the headquarters ready to drink my own body weight in bad hooch at the bar. I discovered that there isn't a bar. There is a notice board, and there is so much information here, I forgot that I wanted to get blasted in the first place. I supped at the cup of knowledge and I was so intoxicated it was like I had consumed alcohol faster than my liver could break it down. I discovered the knack to voting (and who doesn't want to get more of that fresh printed voting cash), the best times to pressure the dealer, and even how to kill people. Who needs friends when the secrets to success are painted right in front of you?

Competent leadership

I haven't actually spoken to anyone else who is Radioactive except Dr_Satan. However, this guy is an inspiration and easily the biggest asset in this group. He sent me $100,000 to get me on my feet. Ok, his terrible attempts at robbing that art gallery had actually knocked me off my feet to begin with, but I'm not one to hold a grudge. I take a guy at his word and his solemn promise to me that he'll never let his boys serve a full jail term has proven to be true. He also received this ringing endorsement on his ideas from a fellow medical professional, "This is by far the dumbest take I have ever seen. Dr_Satan who even are you? You are completely out of your depths putting something like this in public." I can only assume that the top guys here are as equally wonderful and qualified. 

Nothing to distract you from your Petty Crimes

The last thing you want is people piping up spouting loads of crap when you're trying to work out whether or not you need to take another bobby pin. None of that here. Ghostly silence is the order of business and it is a refreshing change like going to a brothel and paying to have sex only to not have sex at all and feel ok about yourself afterwards and just have a nice chat with the lady instead, maybe call her your girlfriend to your Mum and that. 

Anyway those are some of the things I'm finding great about being in Paradise. What does your band do well? 

That sounds like a very lovely crew you have joined, PauliePoorAnalogy. While I must say your analogies could stand to be poorer, it is very nice you have found such a nice, quiet place to do a lot of thinking and practice, like a very profitable library (this was a good analogy, please ignore for your own purposes or use as an example of what not to do).