As someone who has recently undergone the experience of searching for and hiring a legal counsellor open to representing a member of the mafia hierarchy, I thought I would take some time to review the options for you all in case you were to find yourself in a similar situation. Here are my rankings of all the mob-affiliated lawyers in the world today that are worth your time:

1. Macarena. A terrific lawyer. Handled him or herself very well in recent high profile cases. Highly recommended. 

2. EvilClown. Not a lawyer, per se, but a scary clown and a very good one. Highly recommended. 

That's the list! Those not included on the list include attorneys proven to have taken great lengths to hide fraudulent professional histories and questionable (if not entirely fabricated) credentials, as well as those whose lack of understanding of things like basic legal procedure and the general features of the Supreme Court rendered them unable to even make up a believable story involving these things without coming across as completely incompetent. 

Thanks for your time and if you have any questions, let me know. 

"Much like a fictional character summoned to the scene of an emergency by a powerful light being shone into the sky, I felt a calling.  A man named EddieMame correctly described a situation where there were not enough quality mob lawyers available.  

Worry no loner, Eddie.  You are dead, and my legal services will be YOUR legacy.

First of all, we need to get to the bottom of the fugazi lawyer - when he sold the loot destined for the competition winner, who did he actually rob?  Was it Ray_Liotta, the winner who wasn't awarded?  Or was it @Evil_Clown, the kindly fellow who donated the prizes?  Or was it the late Rocky, who seems to have been the poor sucker getting blamed for Lincoln_Lawyer's heist?

I don't know.  But what I do know is that I've made enough dough defending football players to be able to fund a newspaper following the current "competition" and I will start with that.  I'll be looking closely at the murders associated with the competition, the relationships between the donor, the thieving lawyer, the supposed judging arrangements, and the entrants. 

By my reckoning, we've got about a 20% casualty rate already.  Shit, that didn't even happen in the Soviet State days.

And this is big money, so people will be on edge.

So that means we need a law man.  And That means we need me."