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The Manhattan Snowball Fight - Live Commentary Started by: Le-Semois on Jan 11, '22 23:00

As you tune into the local radio station of NYC on your drug runs, racketeering collection route or simply for the fresh sniff of the Atlantic, you hear some crackling and suddenly an excited voice of what could be a sports reporter breaks through loud (maybe too loud) and clear

 

Heeeeellllllooooooo there fellow New Yorkers,

It has been a little time in the making, but here at Oh Canada Headquarters we are coming to you live to give you an update on the very first

Manhattan Snowball Fight

The fighting has been fierce and has already cost us 1 of the competitors to be knocked out right off the bat. Of course you all are wondering who this was, but for now please stay tuned for all the exciting news after a word from our sponsors

 

*Commercial interruption for lavender infused soap for the luxury woman out there*

 

Allllrrrrrrighhhhhtyyy folks, welcome back.

I hope you are all as excited as I am to hear about the competitors and how they have fared so far, let me start by introducing you to the competitors.

First up, wearing an icey blue dress with razor sharp sleeves we have our innocent looking, trust me folks do not trust her on that though, @Ms_Ann_Trophy also know as 'The Frostbite'.

Next up we have, a culinary hero of some more than others, mrs or ms Hollie_Doyle, who wears the tag 'Le-Chef' for this fight

3rd on our list we have the big boss, NAY!!, the Big Sexy himself, Godfather @Squirrely-Dan, who is of course the ladies' fan favorite!!

Right on his heels we have the most powerful and fearsome lady of Manhattan, Roxie aka 'The Mutilator' who surely has a few gruesome tricks up her sleeves!! 

Coming Next it is Mr Bluto, who SPOILER ALERT!!, didn't get much further in this competition and thus was labelled 'Mr Unlucky'

Coming next, although we are unsure if he is actually aware of being in this contest, it is our furry lovers' favorite, Rama_the_Cama aka 'El Flufficito'

Then before almost coming to the end of our list, we have the most stealthy and successful competitor so far, our very own slice of Paradise, AKA 'Ms Nightmare'

And last but not least, it is the second Dan of the list, it is @Lumberjack-dan, who shall wear the tag 'The Trash man' for he will be left all the others in the bins he wheels to work day to day.

 

Now that you all have heard  what fearsome and blood (or yellow...) thirsty contestants we have let's do a recap right after this next message from our sponsors

 

*Commercial blurts through the speakers encouraging men to get their shoes tailored and cleaned at the Shoe Shiny company down on 5th avenue for now a 3 for 2 price discount*

 

Welcome back dear listeners, 

i hope you shall not been too hasty and impatient to hear the current standings or results of this fight, for it was not always easy keeping score of who was hit and who was not. Many snowballs were flying through the air, some seemingly rather solid and icey, some had a less than white color and some seemed to just pack that more of a punch than you would expect!!

Well maybe a quick recap on the rules, so everyone had a base quantity per day, more could be bought daily which nobody really took advantage of so far and finally stealing the pockets of a certain man, who unfortunately died, and his kin often then not before even the purchase of a wallet could be achieved. Rip to murderedwriter, @Severenutallergy, Scentedcandle, WannaKnowS_thingNeatSeanLennon for they truly in the light of this competition have died before their time.

 

Yet, before we make this a sad story, let's focus on the guts, glory, sweat and tears of our contestants.

On day 1, there was some trepidation and early fear in all of our contestants eyes, nobody to be the 1st one to go, but unfortunately due to his misfortune it was Mr Unlucky who got wacked in the face instantly by an expertly thrown snowball by Ms Nightmare.

Day 2 saw some big action too, but many snowballs caught unexpected gusts of wind and just fell short of their mark but closer than most days after

 

Days 3 and 4 ...

Well let's say those made the contestants founder in the strong blizzard that seared their eyes and most throws were almost comical to see from the commentary booth and we hoped for a better day with action on day 5

 

Day 5 arrived with some early birds who tried to use the clear weather for accurate and successful shots, but alas a strong wind again rendered their attempts unfruitful. Later that day some drunk or hungover, who knows, attempts simply didn't gather the speed needed to hit and ineffectively dropped on the floor well wide or short of their intended targets.

 

Let's all cheer for the brave contestants, and see who in the coming days can find their true aim and win the prize and bring home the cup and the gold!!

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When Le-Semois and Peter-Gangi  asked 'The Mutilator' to joined their Manhattan Snowball Fight event she really didn’t take it seriously.  But when she took her first shot the adrenaline and excitement started to flow even although she missed she knew she had to keep her eyes on the prize.   When her second shot also missed the crime of violently, maliciously, and intentionally giving someone a serious permanent wound became even more prevalent. She wasn’t going to give up. She knew she had to get her logic and reason, as well as memory together. She told herself to remember the shots she had taken and to formulate a mental picture of her opponent’s set up and keep that in mind.  She was ready for the next shot and prayed no one would take her out before then.

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Once again the radio you are in earshot of crackles into life, after some white noise, piercing shriek and a sharp inhale you hear the rumbling voice flow out of the radio like a wild river ready to rage on until it has run it's course.

 

HEEEELLLOOOOO there good people of New York and visitors,

It is my pleasure to bring you a news update from Day 7 of the Manhattan Snowball Fight 

The competitors have had their break, some dove into their beds, others being out in the cold without too much action have grabbed their mugs and filled it with grog, mulled wine and Hot Chocolate drinks.

It seems @Ms_Ann_Trophy chose the latter, for her face all smudged in brown and her mug bobbing with mini marshmellows the size of the Eiffle tower in Paris!! 

Ohh what is that, yes, it seems the Big Sexy just opened a six pack in 1 go and seems to be chugging one every 30 seconds, i wonder how he plans to have true aim with that much booze in him!! But dear listeners, i'm not here to judge you are of course more than welcome to do plenty of that at home!!

A loud piercing whistle goes and a lot of bustling sounds come through the radio

AAANNDDD we are off again, it is now day 7, and all the contestants bob and weave to their carefully chosen fight pits hiding from sight.

The first 2 snowballs are thrown... hmm surely they were probably throw by the Big Sexy, as it they swerve far away from anyone's location, Folks... i predicted already, all those beers did not improve his aim.

Buut... what is that, oh hold on to your guns folks, it seemed that Frostbite had some pepper or chili in her hot chocolate because she fires off a wowser!! it hits Ms Nightmare straight in the face, just as she was releasing her snowball which unfortunately lands well off anyone's location as well.

Hmm what is that, as Ms Nightmare is just rubbing the freezing snow from her eyes a battery of shots are fired by The Trashman, who waved around some cash earlier and seems to have more than 1 snow ball in his pocket for ammo. But hmm, perhaps this Dan has matched his beers 1 for 1 with the Big Sexy, for all his balls land on locations recently attacked as well. Luckily for him one of them still manages to nick the back of Ms Nightmare's head as she began to leave her defensive position, taking about a slamdunk right there folks!!

 

Well there you have it people, that is it for today, we still have 6 more brave competitors going into WEEK 2 of this contest!!

 

and finally, if anyone should be knowledgeable where the next of kin in the kuku clan hides out, please let us know, a finder fee is released for his wallet still, is worth extra fire power in this competition

Looking forward to report more on this tomorrow!!

have a good night and stay safe out there

with a little crackling and static beeps the radio goes silent again

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I think the Boss knows where I am at but as long as I got beer here he is not going to eliminate me. <VBG>

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Bacon heard the news and thought, "Do you think he could make it snow in Detroit too?" While pondering the idea he decided that if not he needed to book a flight now to avoid the exorbitant price hike associated with booking a last minute ticket. But also in the same breath he then thought about the fact that he hated the snow.  

"Maybe the snow isn't that bad," he confidently told himself as he began to shutter at the flashbacks of childhood memories gone awry.

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With some little crackling the radio sprung to life again

 

Helllloo there loyal listeners,

I bring you the update of Day 8 of the Manhattan Snowball Fight

Since our last broadcast the contestants have been at it full stop, throwing rather blindly but not too accurately it seems.

Will The Forstbite be again as fierce today on the back of her success, or shall we see some good moves from the Big Sexy well folks let's dive right into it, a short one so we can wrap it up before a message of our sponsors.

 

First up we see The Trashman he waves a little wad of cash and collects another snowball, but what's that... was that a snowman getting hit. Oh no folks it was actually Rama_the_Cama who was doing some cama cama camouflage.. Not moving for 8 days really gained him a safe spot but The Trashman didn't fall for his tricks anymore and knocks him out... that leaves 5 more.

 

We see The Frostbite folllow the same tactic, waving some cash around but even with her 2nd balls he hits nothing but a patch of snow. 

Nor does it seem The Big Sexy has his aim right and his attempt falls short of anything, not far behind Le-Chef lets loose a shot, but his being nearly melted from being so close to the stove doesn't seem to make much impact either.

 

Well there you have it folks, one down 5 more who can claim the title moving forward

I hope you all will dial in again tomorrow, and now we shall hear from our sponsors

 

A jingle starts for the next commercial as you start walking away from the radio losing interest fast

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As he was driving along the snowy roads in Michigan, Bacon heard the introduction of a live broadcast sent through the sound waves across America. In an instant the radio came to life, and like a flash the dreary car that was fighting its way safely through a treacherous blizzard transformed the atmosphere and suddenly the vehicle filled with a mood of cheer.

Listening intently Bacon admired the announcer, Le-Semois, who spoke with confident enthusiasm and the grandeur of a would-be king of radio entertainment.

The radio communique that was being broadcasted was regarding a detailed update on the special event being hosted in a district of New York City, The Manhattan Snowball Fight, which had entered into its eighth day of festivities. The broadcast even went so far as to provide a colorful firsthand account of the contestants' exploits that day.

This was followed by a mischievous transition by the announcer who then had revealed that one contestant was eliminated and that only five of the participants remained in contention the following day.

"Hopefully these guys can improve their aim and accuracy, jesus. Makin' us all look bad I'm tellin' ya!"

In that moment Brick's frustration had boiled over and he proceeded to slam his fists on the car's dashboard before asking himself, "Where're the hitters with some real snowball muscle?" Bacon then calmly sorted himself out and instinctively pulled out a cigar as a distraction.

After striking a match he started smoking the fine, imported cigar from Cuba while listening to some cool blues playing through the car's speakers.

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Ann was packing this latest snowball in her fist as solid as she could. Her fingers were numb, which was a good indication the hot chocolate and marshmellow buzz was wearing off.  She grumbled and cussed under her frosty breath. Her eyes narrowing and focused to catch a glimpse of one her opponents. There...was that Bossman Dan? Sasquatch?? What the hell was that staggering through the snow? "Whatever or who ever you are, you're gonna get it".

Ann dug her boots firmly into the snow mound and drew back and let that snowball rip. It was a hard flying knuckler but the big, furry and most likely drunken being ducked for cover just in the nick of time. She stood now with her hands on her hips and sucked her teeth. 

"Dammit", she cursed into the frosty air and then thought, Maybe it's time to start hitting the wine. 

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The customary bustling sound came out of the radio once again on Manhattan FM

 

Helllooooo Snowball or fight lovers,

I come to you live giving you the update on day eeeeeighhhtttttt of the competition.

We have still 5 players left vying for the championship title, but who shall be the one grabbing that cup by the ears.... Stay tuned

 

First up we have Le-Chef popping up, yes our very own Hollie_Doyle, she looks left, she looks right and oh nooo.... BOOOM a big fat snowball lands STRAIGHT in her face. An evil laughter erupts out of left field, it is the very mischievious @Lumberjack-Dan, The Trashman, who took out some more of the competition. He seems to be on a role there folks.

 

Hmm what is that, it seems The Mutilator has found some bone and has been cracking it up in several places, keeping her so busy she now has missed 3 days of throwing snowballs. Oh wait no, it seems she broke her trance and threw one after all, but alas for her it lands well south of any mark out there. It seems the women today are not in luck for The Frostbite seems to have lost her initial impotus and now is also chugging balls well off anyone's location. Let's see if her aim improves tomorrow.

And finally Godfather Dan, The Big Sexy, seems to be flexing his beer belly and has lost for what we can tell any interest in winning this contest, well folks it seems @Squirrely-Dan's thirst beats his spirit of competition for the moment.

 

Let's see how we are now at half way, how cut-throat the competition will advance from this stage. I'm betting on the fact we have not seen the skin of the teeth of these contenders so far.

Stay tuned and stay safe!!!

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With a little buzzing sound, crackling through the ether and some traces of music coming through other channels you tune in to your favorite program.. It is of course Manhattan FM with the daily update on the Snowball Fight

 

LAAAADDDIEESSS aaaannnnd Gentlemennnnnnnnn,

 

Coming to you liiive from the big island on the Atlantic coast, it is yes, it sure is a day packed with action.

Our 4 brave contestants all practiced their technique overnight and are more than eager to show off their improved aim today I am told.

Let's dive right into it, first up it is The Frostbite, she looks even more icey today, making sure to squeeze her snow to their absolute densest and adding, well well well, is that a pebble good people?? I believe it is. As she draws back her arm and let's loose it makes a big arch,, but oh boy is that far off the mark. Some of the audience is even sniggering at the lack of control there.

Next up it is The Big Sexy, after flashing some of his famous smiles to the female population looking on, he also takes a measurement but lands his attempt well of the mark as well, is this a pattern folks_ Let's hope not

Well it seems The Mutilator has found her passion again but with all the nervous energy her aim fumbles and her attempt falls well wide as well. Finally The Trashman being on a role recently takes a measure effort, but misses his shots, not too far off but nothing accurate either.

 

Hmm what is that, the referee seems to be freezing his ass off... He has decided to allow an extra ball for today, seems like he misses his warm house and wife indeed good folk. Let's take a look at how the contestants fare this time

 

First up, oh boy they are really going at the exact same time, it is Roxie and Lumberjack_dan, they take aim and volley their shots. But unfortunately they left themselves too exposed despite trying their best and miss their marks.

Now it is @Squirelly-Dan and @Ms_Ann_Trophy who have been better tactically and see their targets clearly now, and BAM it's The Frostbite who threw a knock out and The Trashman is eating some iceball shards, he is knocked out. And look over there, is that The Multilator rubbing her eyes filled with snow... that's right folks it seems the Godfather of Manhattan took out his captain and she also is seen leaving the battlefield.

 

There you have it folks, from now on it's a mano o womano fight between Squirelly and Ms_ann, stay tuuuuuuned!!!

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Talking about in your face, that’s exactly where the snowball hit 'The Mutilator'. Someone made a perfectly spherical snowball, hitting her in the middle of the face, knocking her off her fucking feet and she falls backwards onto the snow.  Of all people it was the not so sober Big Sexy AKA  Godfather Squirrelly-Dan, stumbling and swaying, flushing of his face and with his bloodshot eyes. I thought never in a million years he would  hit 'The Mutilator with his  slowed reflexes.

 The last thing I saw was him rising his arm.  Next thing I laying on my back in the snow checking to see if my nose was bleeding or broken.

Le-Semois and @Peter Gangi came over to helped me up.  They told me even though I had missed throwing a few times that I had put in a gallant effort.  As they helped me to my feet and brushed the snow off me I thanked them and told them it was a lot of fun.

I made two perfectly spherical snowballs myself.  I am going to take them home, put them in the freezer and when one least expects it BAM Big Sexy.

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Squirrelly-Dan sits in his foxhole drinking his sixpack.  He was mostly intent on getting shitfaced, but every now and then he'd lob a snowball out of his foxhole with the accuracy that you might expect from someone like Dan.  

 

Eventually, Le-Semois and Peter-Gangi come over to Squirrelly-Dan to find him passed out with a bunch of empty beer cans and a Hustler Mag surrounding him.  It appeared as though he built an impenetrable defence with all the empties which in fact helped with his flawless victory.

 

They handed him his prize money - but with all the self control of Le-Semois with a dice game he handed it back to the organizers and stated that he would gladly share his prize with the combatants.  The fun was in the fight, not the victory.

 

"Thanks to all who participated, and even more gratitude to Peter-Gangi and Le-Semois for organizing!!"

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Pete nodded as Squirrelly-Dan spoke.  Then he Pointed to Le-Semois and told the crowd.

 

Let's hear it for Le-Semois he created the concept, put the word out and kicked out prizes to everyone that participated.  What can I say the guy loves to the city and keep everything on the up and up.   

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As the last tune of the radio faded out, having narrated the final BATTLE ROYALE between the Big Sexy and The Forstbite in which both contestants had been throwing snow balls in turns and after 5 rounds of frenzy it had been the Big Sexy to come out on top. During which this reporter had been gasping for air every 5 minutes or so only, regaling the audience of the energetic moves of  @Ms_Ann_Trophy on the one hand, and well the lack of any on the other side by Squirrelly-Dan. It had been a big poof of white powder when Ms_Ann had a full frontal hit to the forehead marking the end of this competition

 

Le-Semois descended out of his commentary box and went to congratulate the victor together with his fellow referee Peter-Gangi. But alas, only to find a little mumbling shape, half frozen to death deeply dug in to what seemed a rather yellowish snow pit. But the man generous as always waved his prize money that was distributed to all the valliant contestants equally.

 

Thank you all for listening in, and perhaps in the future an open contest shall be held for other courageous people from all corners of this great country to measure up their skills at throwing frozen objects of water to one another

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