Hey everybody, it's Toussaint Louverture coming at you with some highlights and awards from the ongoing war. Feel free to chip in with your own personal favorites, there are moments here for everyone. 

DEATH OF THE WAR

It's got to be....DAGDA!

And just like that Big D gets shown the door. Let's hope that wherever he is now, he's found a nice group of homeless people huddled around flaming garbage to deliver boring, cliche speeches to. It's what he loved most.

SURPRISE OF THE WAR

If you rummage carefully through the obituaries, you'll notice someone named KaraZor-El was apparently a crewleader in Chicago. 

DISGRUNTLED CITIZEN OF THE WAR

Here's what a guy named Perky had to say about Flowah:

The GFC of the City of Chicago is an utter failure and embarrassment! Not one damn mail was sent to the residents of Chicago. A turncoat on her own city. 

Looks like the leading lady of the Windy City didn't think the plebs were worth a warning. Any good leader will tell you the importance of masking your contempt for the vacuous cash-cows who fund your fortifications and bodyguards with their labor. They may be irritating and expendable but a warning is the least you could do. Stay angry, Perky. 

GREAT SADNESS OF THE WAR

Losing DocHoliday, a crewleader from Los Angeles who recently spent a week in federal lockup only to return with a speech so bizarre and incomprehensible you could have pulled a string of words out of Bacon's ad-lib dictionary and come out making more sense. But while Bacon may use "vecseecious" and act as if he's just delivered The Truman Doctrine, our dear DocHoliday was readily embraced as the stupid eccentric we knew and loved. RIP. 

GREATEST BLOW TO THE AMERICAN ECONOMY OF THE WAR

The death of Peter-Gangi, whose contributions to the business districts of several cities were proof enough that one man with very little effort could keep Big Alcohol in alligator shoes and Cadillacs. It's going to be a tough Q1 without him. 

GREATEST ESCAPE OF THE WAR

Though his Godfather may have perished, Honesty- lives on. A man famous for labeling himself "IA" for the majority of his life before being gift-wrapped leadership as a reward; a man who recently published possibly the most desperately faux-intellectual 'study' of competent leadership ever seen on these shores, somehow squeezed out of this one. Let's read a quick excerpt from his legacy defining work regarding the situation:

Conflict leadership is considered to be a leader's ability to guide their flock during conflicts, ranging from mobster disagreement to war times.

Very insightful stuff. 

Those are my highlights! What about you guys?

My highlight of the war was that there was a war.

You seem to be mistaken ToussaintLouverture. There is no anger in me. It's more like embarrassed and disgusted with the leadership, particularly with the GFC Flowah.    

Honesty walked up to a quite revolting man, Toussaint. Clearly, this French man is carrying on the traditions of his people: not taking showers. Honesty knew about this characteristic of the French as his father was from Paris and he also smelled bad. Honesty thought Toussaint would've made good competition.

"Well, shit. Didn't know I was famous. Nah I of course knew. Are you kidding me? I'm goddamn Honesty-, the most perfect person to ever grace the mafioso world."

Honesty- then did a couple 360s, almost like a dog chasing his tail.

"I thought I removed my IA tag on myself? I can't find it! Someone! Please! HELPPPPPP!"

Honesty- then found the piece of paper stuck to his forehead, saying "IA"

"Well shit. Guess I really did forget to remove it."

Honesty- then proceeded to stick the paper on Toussaint's forehead.

"There you go. You look all better now that your face is covered. I have to go wash my hands, now. I might have an infection after touching you. Toodles!"

Honesty then skipped on his merry way in his beautiful skirt, looking like an innocent schoolgirl.

Roger bounces up and jumps on a box.

"Plllleeeaaseee, can some explain who took out who? Are the remain leaders all in cahoots with each other? Did some bargain to save their own skin like the leaders left in fair old Philly?"

"The random pockets of leaders left does look rather odd"

What a shame Honesty skipped away so quickly. I was just getting into the weeds of his tome on leadership. Let's continue reading:

Loyalty is a key criterion for a competent leader. Loyalty comes in different forms. Unless given a valid reason to, a leader must be loyal to their crew, city, and their auths, if any. This criterion must be considered in a different manner compared to the two above. For example, while keeping in mind that rare valid reasons exist to break this loyalty, leaders must be loyal to the district and city head. A city head must be loyal to all the crews in their city, but crew leaders shouldn't necessarily be loyal to other crew leaders residing in a different district, but residing in the same city, as both were made leaders independently from one another.

Very exciting, very interesting, and certainly extremely close to the single most tiresome way anyone has attempted to explain what loyalty means. It could have been achieved, perhaps, with just one more sentence about how one must be loyal to oneself, which is evident in this case, as the author is demonstrably loyal to being a witless bore.