@Sue_Gray-Gotti waltzes, with the confident air of a powerful civil servant, into the local radio station.  There, she eats a simple meal of Museli with berries, and, somewhat surprisingly, consumes a small amount of cocaine, and then a smaller amount of heroin.  She arranges her notes into a pile, and watches her pupils shrink to tiny little pins.  She still looks good, she thinks, before realising she was meant to be presenting a radio show.  She has a glass of water, and begins to speak.  Her soft accent still has a trace of her county Antrim roots, but it has mostly acclimatised to her host country.  She begins to speak...

TODAY'S REPORT FROM SUE GRAY COMES UNREDACTED AND LIVE!  LISTEN CAREFULLY

@CuthBertTheAvenger Narrowly Retains NDC Tite

@SueGray challenged the incumbent champion, in a shocking two round clash that ended with the Goomba dodging a well-aimed shot by the reigning champion, before firing off a return shot, before succumbing to a expertly sighted pistol shot to the cranium.

We have attempted to contact the NDC title-holder for comment, but couldn't reach him.  He's getting far too big for his shiny boots now-a-days.

MORE HIGH PROFILE RETIREMENTS FROM STREET PHILOSOPHER'S CREW

To have one associate retire is a setback.  To have an associate and an actual member is bad news.  To have both in a few days is a tragedy.  To give the same retirement speech on both occasions suggests a tired, sad brain.

We have chosen not to name this tough-guy street philosopher crew leader, but honestly, he needs to step up his game.

TEKLIN'S MURDER REMAINS UNSOLVED

Despite numerous leads, tip-offs and theories, the popular mafia associate and businessman's death remains unsolved.  But has it been avenged?

There have been a number of deaths, similarly unexplained, following his demise.  

Are they linked?  Almost certainly not, but in the absence of a writing competition, what could be causing the morbidity of the current population?

We are keen to talk to any budding sociologists to explore this.

HAS THE KLF TRIED TO KILL YOU?

We have learned recently of a number of falures originating from this half dozen of so desperados.  Have you had an attempt made on your life?

Contact us.  We will pay you for your story.

HAVE YOU ENJOYED THIS REPORT?

If so, let us know.  Give us money, and tip-offs.