Creative Crew Name News: First Edition!

Editor-In-Chief: Raylan

February 16th

Welcome one and all to the first edition of CCN News. We are proud to bring the latest and greatest news directly to you! Let's not waste anytime with caressing's of the neck, gentle whispers in the ear, or general foreplay and delve directly into the meat of what's happening in our fine country.

TENSION MOUNTS BETWEEN CHICAGO AND DETROIT

It's been a well known fact that hostilities have been rising between The Windy City and Motown for months. However, just recently it's been reported that forces from each city have been massing on their perspective boarders with Indiana. Neither army has mounted an attack, nor crossed the boarder into Indiana, and inevitably crashing into the other's territory, but locals on the boarder are very worried. One local resident of the Hoosier State was interviewed by CCN had this to say, "There's a whole lotta them out there, just sitting in my corn fields, thousands! They all wear suits and have tommy guns. Oh lord, it's terrible. I'm really worried about what this could mean. I may need to burn down my house for the insurance money!?" 

CCN confidential sources reported that @CLO was spotted at a local Windy City watering hole with none other than the notorious @Freyja. The source wasn't entirely able to hear what was being said, but he did note that Freyja looked 'Super pissed' and made him feel 'Insanely violated' by her presence alone. Over in Motown @R-L-Stine was also noted to appear 'very cheeky' when spotted walking. Attempts to reach Godfather Chairman @SatoruGojo were in vain as our CCN correspondent was 'too hungover to even'. We will continue to cover this ongoing strife providing the most up to date developments as they become apparent.  

HUMPTY WHAT?!

Things appeared to get heated over the weekend on the East Coast over the leadership of New York City and Philadelphia. Public record showing that Godmother - Chairman @Belle_ and @Macarena have finally filed for a divorce. This after years of rumors of another man. It's no surprise to find out that the long rumored 'other man' is none other than the vagabond @Humpty. True to his name, he was ruined and tarnished the great reputation of the East coast leadership by nothing less than... humping. CCN Philadelphia coorispandant spotted Belle_ and Humpty leaving what appeared to be a lengthy meeting, both looked to be exhausted. God only knows why.

Puzzling actions!

A California man was reportedly seen running through the street of Las Angeles wearing nothing but, what some are describing as, an astronaut helmet. This man casually walked the City of Angels streets completely naked, and with no sense of purpose. Onlookers took pictures of the spectacle, and NASA experts that viewed the images were stunned! The helmet being worn was confirmed to be that of Neil Armstrong himself! The last known collector to have that exact prized helmet in their collection is Godfather - Chairman @Puzzled. An interesting development, which CCN is determined to follow up on!

Is Sada a Baby?

The name of Las Vegas' Godfather - Chairman may lead the masses to believe that he is an infant. However, CCN experts have confirmed beyond any reasonable doubt that @SadaBaby is in fact not an actual baby. He is in fact of full on grown ass man. One expert described him as 'way too fucking big to be a baby' and 'he's got teeth and shit'. Eat that fake news!

Remarks from the Editor-In-Chief Raylan: "What?"

Honesty was skipping down the streets like a school girl and humming a nursery rhyme. He was sucking on a lollipop and this little sweet snack was delicious. It tasted as if cherries had hopes and dreams. While Honesty was going on his merry way, looking as fabulous as ever, he saw a a small child holding up a newspaper. He violently ripped the newspaper out of the child's hands and Honesty pushed him down his little rotting box. Passersby looked in horrific shock and Honesty looked at them all and said: "What? I don't like children. Now shoo, all of you." Honesty sucked on his lollipop again in such a way that it made even the strongest of hearts, like Puzzled, blush in admiration of Honesty's skills with his mouth. The Canadian then finished the sweet, but kept the little stick in his mouth and pretended he was a western cowboy sitting down after a long day of cow riding (they rode cows, right?), and kicked up his feet while starting to read the newspaper.

Welcome one and all to the first edition of CCN News. We are proud to bring the latest and greatest news directly to you! Let's not waste anytime with caressing's of the neck, gentle whispers in the ear, or general foreplay and delve directly into the meat of what's happening in our fine country

 "Nice", Honesty thought. "Lots of sexual innuendos in this newspaper. I can see success about to radiate from this company. It's unfortunate though, I really wish someone would caress me right now... maybe I should call PlagueGuy. He gives excellent massages."

Honesty then read through the part where Freyja was pissed and felt violated. "Wouldn't be the first time this woman felt violated. Kept complaining that to me while we were in the closet", Honesty mumbled under his breath. Just then, a kid looked at him strangely and asked the sexy motherfucking man who he was talking to. Honesty kicked the kid in his gut and told him to skedaddle. After the kid ran away like a bitch, Honesty read the part about Philly, still with no cream cheese. It was cited that Belle and Macarena got a divorce. "Of course that two-timing slut would try to get in my pants, only to be married with Belle that whole time". That was one pot of macaroni Honesty never wished the New Yorker tried to stir. Furthermore, the newspaper also spoke about Humpty being a lewd man once more. "That man needs a personal humping pillow. Maybe Cannon could be his pillow. Puppy_ always loves to hump his leg when the two of them are together." Just then, Honesty got a little chub. "You know what? I'll keep Cannon for myself. Maybe Humpty can hump another pillow called Dumpty with a big dump truck ass."

Cars then started honking loudly and broke Honesty's concentration. "Why are people always fucking bothering me?". With the wailing of the cars' horns, Honesty got up from the street and stopped blocking the traffic. The maple god then went to a random brick wall, leaned on it, and continued reading the newspaper. Apparently, Puzzled was spotted buck naked again with only his helmet. "OH! It's an astronaut helmet?!?!" Honesty thought deliriously. "I thought that helmet was to protect his head when he ran into walls! Wow. You learn stuff everyday. If only he wore some clothes... That flabby stomach isn't doing anyone any favours." Honesty then started reading the end of the newspaper, the part that mentioned SadaBaby. "Pfffft, ridiculous", Honesty scoffed. "Everyone knows I'm Vegas's baby. Sada might wear a diaper, but he makes it look stylish. That golden plated diaper was on fleek."

With Honesty finishing the newspaper, he skipped on his merry way and threw the paper on another one of Kuku's descendants' corpse.

Baby Honesty- you better stir my macaroni or it's going to stick to the pot and we'll never be able to get it off. Add some olive oil too. There's enough salt though. 

When Honesty skipped on his merry way and threw his newspaper on a charred corpse, the inanimate body started moving and Honesty almost shat himself. "WHAT THE FUCK?! HOW IS THAT THING MOVING????" A split second later, he recognized the corpse wasn't actually a corpse, but it was Macarena with no makeup on. "Holy hell dudette, you need to start wearing some makeup or some mascara or something else... I wouldn't want to look like... that out in public.", Honesty exclaimed, his finger vigorously pointing at Macarena's face. After Honesty's heart rate started to settle down from it's startled launch, Macarena tried putting his hand on Honesty's chest to try and feel him. Honesty slapped his hand away and then Macarena started saying stuff about sticking to his pot. The Canadian's face twisted in disgust and he backed away.

"Macarena, you need to stop following me in that van of yours. And no, I won't be stirring your pot of mushy noodles. I think PlagueGuy would love playing with that macaroni mush of yours. Maybe you can dance for him. I heard Plague loves a good belly dance"

Honesty then ran to look for a responsible adult.

Sammy took a look at the daily news and heard some very familiar names in the news...

"Should we be concerned that a news broadcast knows so many high profile figures in this thing of ours?"

He grabbed a drink and counted his blessings that his name wasn't broadcasted to the public.