Creative Crew News: Second Edition!

Publisher: Raylan

Editor-In-Chief: Tiabeanie

Managing Editor: Hunter

February 18th

Welcome back to all of our loyal readers. We here at CCN, in a world packed full of fake news, strive to provide the public even more news. We do hope you're all doing well and thank you for your continued support. 

Hot pursuit!

Notorious up and comer Casanova was reportedly arrested after a hours long police chase. The incident is reported to have started after Casanova attempted to rob a convenience store, or more accurately a pack of condoms from said store. The store clerk quickly notified authorities who arrived on scene in time to spot the man leaving the scene in a red in color sedan. The pursuit was the cause of thousands in property damage before police were able to shoot out all four tires. This action did not immediately end the incident as Casanova continued evading arrest for 20 more minutes driving on rims alone.

The sparks were glorious, yet concerning for citizens of Los Angeles who witnesses the event. One obese woman with hair rollers in a night gown had this to say, "Oh my fucking God, he blew right passed me! Almost killed me, but I got a good look at the man. I'd let him hit me anytime!" Another young boy witnessed the final stop of the vehicle had this to say, "Once the car couldn't push on anymore it just died... like it had nothing left to give. Then the man got out threw his pack of condoms at the cops and they beat the hell out of him before putting him in a cop car." CCN will be following up on this story and possibly bringing other issues concerning police brutality. Is enough really enough?

Erotic Dancer goes too far!

A well known erotic dancer, Roya, was spotted in Central Park early this morning completely naked carrying a record player. Onlookers were shocked at the sight, though mildly aroused sources say, as Roya began to dance to the music. This spectacle only lasted about 2 hours before a woman who appeared to be missing a chromosome notified authorities. However, upon police arrival it seemed the crowd prevented their arrest of Roya who disappeared and still remains at large. CCN coorispandant spoke to the complainant, Grace, who had this to say, "It was outrageous. I can't believe a woman would expose herself to the public like that. I had my kid with me too! Disgraceful!" We spoke to the small boy who had this to say, "It was the best fucking day of my life." Grace appeared horrified by the statement, and in all honesty a bit jealous. CCN will not be delving any further into this case.

Is blood a good source of Iron?

CCN sources show that one Los Angeles woman known as Selena is making a claim that drinking human blood is not only sanitary and should become a norm, but has obvious health benefits. The main benefit sighted as a good source of iron and proteins. She also claimed that it gives her supernatural abilities. CCN attempted to gather further information as to where Selena's source of said blood comes from, but were swiftly met with a slammed door. We at CCN can not corroborate the claims, and do not condone such actions. To the residents of Los Angeles we issue a word of caution when walking the streets alone, especially at night.

It puts the lotion on it's skin...

Disturbing rumors are coming out of Detroit this evening with reports of a kidnapper at large. This kidnapper apparently locks their victims into a basement and forces them into a deep hole. Said kidnapper then lowers down various items for the victims to use at their direction. CCN sources say that one of said victims managed to escape. Victim Dominick had this to say, "I was down in the hole, and he lowered a basket. It had lotion inside. I could see his face looking down at me. All he said was, 'It puts the lotion on it's skin, or else it gets the hose again'. After lathering up in the lotion I was able to glide up the rope when he got tired with me and escape. I'm lucky to be alive!!" Detroit Police sources state that they currently have a person of interest in their investigation only known by the name: Buffalo_Bill. 

Remarks from the Editor-In-Chief Tiabeanie: "I don't want to be quoted!"

"Who would have thought that I'd be the victim of slander and lies?" Grace said, tossing the paper to the side. "For the record, no one spoke to me and I've not been any where near Roya who we all know only does her naked dancing in private," Grace shook her head, "Damn shame, I had hope but it looks like another creative writing exercise with a penchant for lies, you related to the kuku line by any chance?" Grace asked. She didn't bother waiting for an answer, nor reading the rest of the paper. She had patients to see back at her clinic.

Roya wakes up, takes her long warm bath and brush her teeth with a shot of whiskey. She gets ready, puts her Hijab on and leaves the house, after saying her morning Salah, in search of a nice drink and a plate full of crunchy quality Bacon. Roya eats pork everyday, defying Allah, waiting for a punishment that never comes. She stops at a street vendor and grabs the first newspaper she finds.

She stops for a moment to read and her jaw drops. She thinks:

"Hells sakes, i did dance, but it was NIGHT and i was ALONE at my boudoir! The God damns me for leaving the courtains open! Grace wasn't even there, my poor friend!" 

She kicks a pebble and reads it again. She starts laughing uncontrollable and says out loud:

"At least they have a sense of humor, hahaha!"

Diego approaches the news stand and grabs the latest edition. 

Always a great read. I'll enjoy this with my whiskey. 

Glances quickly and raises eyebrow at some of the headlines.

Erotic dancers can never go too far in my humble opinion.