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The Church of Wheeler (C.o.W) Started by: Wheeler on Mar 13, '22 21:10

In North Side, Chicago, on the corner where East Lake Shore Drive And North Lake Shore Drive meet, construction has just been completed on a church. Well. To call it a church would be an understatement. The building is more reminiscent of a grand cathedral. More closely resembling Notre Dame than any of the rickety old churches that dot the majority of America. Despite being in the “Nice” part of Chicago, this building still looks completely out of place.

The decadence of the building is a sight one can scarcely believe. On a level rivalling even palaces. Overlooking lake Michigan, it is clad entirely, both inside and out, in the purest white marble imported directly and specifically for this purpose from the Island of Thassos, Greece. Through the great double doors fashioned from solid Brazilian Rosewood, there is row upon row of pews, fashioned from the same and all facing a raised dais upon which sits an Altar of gold. The walls are decorated with alabaster carvings depicting the holy Wheeler performing miracles, and the painted glass windows tell the story of his many deaths and resurrections.

The building had to be grand. For the message which was to be conveyed within its walls was certainly no less grand. The lord and saviour Wheeler had finally arrived, as prophesied in ancient Egyptian Hieroglyphics left on the walls of the pyramids and in the archaic script of cryptic dead sea scrolls.

The principles of Wheelerism, were simple enough. So simple in-fact that they could be summed up in these few commandments.

Lo! These are the commandments of thine Lord, Wheeler.

I am the Lord, thy Wheeler. Thou shalt have no other Lords before me.

Thou shalt not take the name of Wheeler in vain.

Remember the RATtery day, that you may keep the Rogues holey.

Honour thine Godmothers and Godfathers. Honour thine CL’s, their hands and their crew rules.

Thou shalt not murder those blessed with the mark of -1 or -4 for they have the protection of the gods.

Thou shalt only commit adultery if thou art in a different postal code.

Thou shalt not steal from those who are not pickpocket friendly and thou shalt not complain about being mugged if thou dost.

Thou shalt not bear witness, other than to thine CL, for Snitches shall truly get stitches.

Thou shalt not covet thy CL’s HQ.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbours bodyguards, associates, corrupt agents or anything else of thine neighbours. Thou shalt go forth and claim thine own.

Thou shalt send forth tribute to your CL. For they have given you shelter from the storm.

These are the commandments of thine Lord Wheeler. And they are good.

Wheeler would now hold sermons here in this church every so often, that he might guide his flock into the light of his everlasting wisdom and save them from the decay of the sins which do surely rot their souls, having slowly crept into them over the years. The floor would be open for discussion around these teachings so that Wheeler might help his Children to understand. He would also hold confessional, for those who wish to atone for their sins.

”Go in peace my children.” - Wheeler

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Standing, shirtless, upon the Dais at the head of his Church, his oiled abs rippling with a godlike sheen as the masses file in through the large Brazilian Rosewood double doors. Wheeler considers recent events. What should his first sermon be about? Death? The loss of loved ones? Betrayal? No. Sure, he will touch on those subjects, it would be hard not to. But. Loyalty. Loyalty is the topic he finally decides upon. Loyalty, a quality so often taken for granted in this thing of ours.

“My children. Welcome to my house, to my church. It has been a turbulent week for us all. Many of us have lost loved ones. Some of us were lucky enough to by the grace of God, have those loved ones brought back to life. Truly a miracle. But i would like to start by taking a moment to remember those of us who have fallen. May they take their rightful place beside God. I ask that you respect a minutes silence for them.”

Wheeler looks out amongst the now silent faithful. Feeling their grief, much as he had felt his own at the loss of his own friends, Bacon and Lincoln_Lawyer, amongst others. He feels the loss. The pain. For any other man, shouldering this much of a burden would be unbearable. But Wheeler was the Lord. The Holy. The most High. He would not waver. His mission would be seen to completion. The moment passes.

”Now my children. Today, i wish to speak about Loyalty. Loyalty to your friends. Loyalty to your family, your city, your leaders. For those amongst us who are leaders, loyalty too, to those who serve under you. Those who are expected to lay down their lives in service to and in defence of your own.

This recent strife which has been visited upon us, at the hands of Dominick and his band of men and women with exceptionally poor aim, was borne itself out of that same loyalty. Feeling that his friends and family had been wronged, he turned his hand to vengeance and these streets into a bloodbath. I do not detract from his actions. Rather, I admire them. I respect them. And despite the pain he caused you, so should you.

Such loyalty is rare. Greed and the service of ones self too easy a trap to fall into. Dominick could have clung to his life, comfortable in the knowledge that the bullets had passed by him. But he didn't. Instead he held true to his beliefs and remained true to his friends, and so, enacted vengeance. He didn’t have to do so. Some may even argue that he shouldn’t have.

To those same people i ask, would you not wish for your death to be avenged? Would you not hope for a Dominick to rise from the ruins of your own houses and bring those who harmed you to justice? What I say to you, is that what is good for the goose is good for the gander.

To all men and all women, i say this. One shall reap of what one sows. Your loyalty shall be rewarded with loyalty. Your ficklety with ficklety. You who are content to sit safe whilst your friends die around you will soon find yourself with no friends left to protect you. You who are fickle with your favour, i say unto you, be consistent. For your inconsistency will breed inconsistency and the eyes of all men will recognise it. You who reap of the benefits of your position, whether that be as a leader of men or as a sheltered servant, but refuse to do your duty when the time comes, will soon find yourself marooned in a hostile land. Deadweight afterall, is always first to be jettisoned.

However, to you who are loyal. To you who are consistent. To you that do your duty when duty calls upon you. I say that you are as a shining star in a sky of clouds. A glimmer of light in these chaotic times. Know this, that the Lord, Wheeler surely smiles upon you.

I finish with this quote.”

Weak character will neutralize all of the other possible good qualities a person might possess. - Robert Greene

Having finished his sermon, Wheeler steps down from the dais, in order to speak to his flock and allow them to voice their own opinions, or share their grief with him, or even just to wish them a goodbye as they filter out of his church.

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The sun was high in the sky as Wheeler took his place upon the Dais. It was turning out to be a lovely day, and his oiled, shirtless torso had begun to show the signs of a tan. Clearly he’d been enjoying the weather. He had planned for a barbecue once todays sermon was finished. Perhaps he might even invite some of the more attractive of his faithful to attend. But for now, he had a sermon to deliver. Last night some young, homeless ruffians had assaulted his church, attempting to smash his exquisite painted glass windows. Such a slight could not be left unaddressed. He would make it a quick one though. Thoughts of succulent meats and cold beers calling to him. Thoughts of who he might have for company calling to him louder still.

“My beloved children. Today i come before you to address one of the more pressing issues facing our community. There is a homelessness epidemic facing our country. Some of these poor souls are displaced and orphaned by war, failed by the system. Some, are simply fresh off the boat from the old country and don’t know where to turn. Others still, begrudge the way of life which we have established for ourselves.

I beg you my children, to open your hearts and homes to these misplaced souls. I beg you, to show them the charity you yourselves were once shown. Regardless of who their parents were. Regardless of how little they know of our culture. Open your arms to them. Induct them into the ways of this thing of ours. Allow them to prove their worth, rather than venting their anger towards the establishment on my beloved church.”

With that Wheeler decides he has said enough on the matter.

”Now my children, i will be retiring to have a Barbecue. I believe i will set up over the road, on the shores of Lake Michigan. Feel free to attend, there will be plenty of food and alcohol to go around, and should you happen to spot any of these sheep without a shepherd, feel free to invite them too. The light of the Lord, Your Wheeler, is open to all!”

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