/PenileEnhancement walks towards his soapbox and takes a look around and clears his throat before stepping up onto it

Ladies and gents, dames and non dames, dames who behave like non-dames and non-dames who behave like dames, whatever noun you are a professional at id like to bend your ear for a moment.

I'm new to this city and more-so this world so I joined what was known as one of the great cities for this thing of ours's. boy it sure got hyped up in the paper each day where I'm from, but now that I'm here I don't get the hype. each day I wake up to a letterbox full of the same old same old "Tyler Durden Is In Town" or "Shot Report's And You". Hell this morning I even got a letter from the city's GodFather that comes off as a Babbling Incoherent Mess. apparently he was on vacation....I didn't know you got a vacation in this line of work unless the vacation was six feet under. who knew?. I'll read from his letter after I express my thoughts and observations from this city and its lackluster leadership.

to kick off the laundry list of things the city has going wrong I'm going to talk about these "Shot Report And You" letter's I have received.

when I look at the stock of letters I received about shot reports i u8nderstand they may be important however if they are important I have to ask why it took in one recent case eight weeks for people to enforce the follow through of completing and mailing back a shot report. something this important surely must bring with it a bigger case of urgency.

this is just the tip of the iceberg my fellow citizens

/PenileEnhancement waves what appear to be letters in each hand into the air

here I have in one hand twelve letters all about my "Shot Report", counting the gibberish I received this morning from my GodFather

in the other hand I have eleven letters about Tyler Durden arriving in town.

there has been no personal correspondence from my crewmates or for that matter anyone else from Chicago so I have to assume the rest of Chicago doesn't matter or I don't matter to them.

so if Chicago doesn't matter then I guess I should mosey on down to my headquarters and see what everyone is up to right? wrong! it is a ghost town! there is only about three or four mates that appear to sleep there and I have not seen another soul there aside from those same three or four. we apparently have twenty three members but they must be mute or spend all day in the crew bar, which I'm told exists but I cannot find for the life of me. I did manage to find a broom closet and a wash closet but alas no bar.

I walked by the three or four members that live in the headquarters one day and noticed one of them wearing a new suit with shiny new buttons but didn't see anything on the bulletin board about someone being up for promotion or anything.

so I have to ask all of you gathered here, is this what Chicago is really truly like? have I been deceived to arrive into a ghost town where there is no community, no participation, no announcements and just almost for a literal term "Junk Mail"?

here ill read the letter from my GodFather and let you judge for yourselves exactly how serious the city even takes itself, I know I'm just in a district of Chicago but still this fellow apparently runs this district.

Greeting my fellow travellers, hurtling through the great void of the cosmos at 67,000 mph or 107,800 kmph for my metric compatriots. These last couple of weeks have beenstressful for me, hence my little break last week end, but now I'm back, from outter space, I just walked in to find you here with that look upon your face. You should have changed your stupid lock, you should have made me leave my key, but deep inside you know the one you want to bother you is me... sorry, not sorry.

 

So it is Friday, well technically its saturday every where except the Americas and possibly Greenland and Iceland, but regardless of my chronological faux pas its time to submit your shot report. Most of you are now familiar with the process, so as some random sports wear manufacturer once said, Just do it. For those of you for who this is your first time, don't worry  I'll be gentle. I AM A LOVING AND CARING godfather, and we'll do this at your speed, and if it hurts, just say the safe word and we'll stop... this weeks safe word is Vaðlaheiðarvegavinnuverkfærageymsluskúraútidyralyklakippuhringur.

 

Its a beautiful word that just rolls of the tongue, and it means a keychain ring for the outdoor key of a road workers shed in a moor called Vaðlaheiði. Charming.

 

No doubt many of your CLs have already messaged you, cajoled you or shot your crewmates in an attempt to get you to fill out your shot report. I'm just going to hope that your desire to make me happy will be enough. As I said, its been a tough couple of weeks, and I need cheered up,and filling out your shot report makes me happy. Not filling it out makes me sad, and when I'm sad I shoot little puppies. My servant loads little guys like these into a clay pigeon trap and I make them go pop. So please, make me happy. save the puppies, save the world.

 I don't know exactly what he had on mind when he sat down to write this letter to his district but surely it wasn't something he bought over the counter. also of note this is my first ever interaction I have received from my GodFather since arriving in this city and this district. I understand that I am low man on the totem pole and not that important to him and his operations but surely there must be someone else who could be well versed enough to put together a letter better than this. If not I have to question the amount of quality control that goes on not only in Chicago but in this District.

/PenileEnhancement steps down from his soapbox and puts the letters back in his brief case and carries on walking back home

Guess he had a point if he’s dead. Shoot a dude for his opinions and deuce out on his concerns for the city... ya could have tried to make a case. Maybe pushed it too far on his soapbox though.

But kinda gave it more cred since he was gunna be month old resident. Feel bad for the thug but it’s not my business, cheers!

it appears chicago is also in the business of sending unsolicited invites to their "Family"

Wheeler listened to the speech from one of his associates. It was, at best, ill advised and at worst, suicidal. He had broken Omerta, insulted the family and city which had given him a home, and generally just pissed all over them. Regardless of all that, it was an inaccurate speech to say the least. Wheeler watched as his associate packed up his things, and before he had gotten more than a few steps down the street, watched as a bullet tore through him. He wouldn't have expected any less.

Stepping up onto the soapbox Wheeler looked out at the crowd.

"My children, PenileEnhancement was but a lowly Wiseguy within my crew. The fact he had a problem with not being made aware of who was or wasn't getting inducted as a full fledged member of my family is beyond me. Why would an associate who is not even a full fledged member of my family be privy to knowledge about who is, or isn't, getting promoted? Should I run my decisions by every thug and gangster who does a little work for me? I think not. I find it absurd that he would feel entitled to such knowledge.

Promotions within my family are discussed between myself and my hands. In the case that an associate of a sponsor has been deemed worthy of getting their button, their Sponsor will be asked for their own thoughts on the matter. At no point do I feel the need to involve a wiseguy who is not even a full fledged member of the family into the decision making process. Nor do I feel that associates need to be made aware of who is being inducted. It is, frankly, none of their business.

Regarding the letters he had received, here in Chicago Lincoln_Lawyer does request the shot reports to be sent in each Friday. That doesn't however remove the onus placed on me and my hands to make sure that our crew is filling their shot reports in. I, as has been shown, am quite passionate on the matter.

I won't speak as to how little or much my people are in the coffee shops or even in my private bar, but had Penile taken the time to visit them and make his presence known I have no doubt he would have found people more than willing to speak to him, instead he remained mostly silent, and his silence was returned in kind."

With that, Wheeler had said his part. As he jumped off his soap box he noticed that he had stepped in some CrappyChicago. Disgusted, he proceeded to scrape it off his boots before walking off. He would have to have a chat with whoever had left it there. After all, we are a civilised society here.

Regarding the letters he had received, here in Chicago Lincoln_Lawyer does request the shot reports to be sent in each Friday. That doesn't however remove the onus placed on me and my hands to make sure that our crew is filling their shot reports in. I, as has been shown, am quite passionate on the matter.

so your saying it is your fault and your 2 hands fault that someone lasted 8 weeks without submitting a proper shot report?

I won't speak as to how little or much my people are in the coffee shops or even in my private bar, but had Penile taken the time to visit them and make his presence known I have no doubt he would have found people more than willing to speak to him, instead he remained mostly silent, and his silence was returned in kind."

 I've actually heard recordings of penile openly talking amongst your associates, actually lots of recordings some even from a designated "group" of people. maybe you were on vacation with Lincoln_Lawyer too often bestowing kisses to his waistband?

it is very funny to me the amount of placating that has been extended to Chicago by the other cities. sure I'm just a lowly gangster wandering the streets, but if I can see it why cant they?

I think you're reaching a bit there CrappyChicago. I set up on the twenty ninth of March. Bubbleyumm was killed on the fifth of April. That's a period of eight days. Not eight weeks. She was given an opportunity to submit her SR, under new management. She failed to do so.

So... you heard recordings of him talking in a place he couldn't find? Which one of you is the liar? Him? For saying he couldn't find it to speak in it? Or you? For claiming false witness?

Either way, your argument and his speech carry little water and less still as you argue further.

As for your statement about seeing Chicago being placated by the other cities? I don't think you understand the meaning of the word placated. Because I have seen none of that. But clearly, you as a lowly gangster know more than I, a crewleader on matters of intercity politics.

Now, as entertaining as it has been having this discussion with you, I have more important things to be doing. So do take care.

Oh wheeler, what's it like to live in a world where words only mean one thing to you?

Also even by your own definition you do have tunnel vision, your a "crew leader". And by your own definition and statement that is a goal.

So lemme get this straight, in a world where power is the ultimate goal, your happy having no power or very minimal power? Happy to be serving UNDER someone? That says a lot about you that I'm not sure you realize because.....you have tunnel vision

Also please elaborate where you seen "homophobic" assertions.....

Good thing your name is wheeler, cause you talk in circles

What also shows to your character is that you being a head of a crew are having a debate about yourself and how you run your "crew" with a lowly gangster and in a very open public forum. The fact you feel the need to justify or atleast attempt to justify yourself to a gangster like me says you need to prove yourself BUT don't know how be ause your happy to be where you are now apparently

"Let me explain something to you, CrappyChicago. You may be a "lowly gangster." But I'm not out here talking to the lowly gangster. I'm talking to the person that lowly gangster is. Being a holy man I'm speaking to your immortal soul. I don't have to prove myself, but at the same time, I've shown you the courtesy of respect that anyone who comes out into these streets should get. Something that you've failed to do me the courtesy of returning.

I was well within my rights to ignore you. Well within my rights to shoot you. But instead I answered your questions whilst you behaved like a petulant child.

Well. I guess this farce has gone on long enough. You've gone from trying to make genuine arguments to simply trying to offend me.

Rest in peace."

With that Wheeler snaps his fingers, and CrappyChicago falls dead right beside the body of  Penileenhancement. Wheeler walls away.