Jester takes to the streets. He steps over the dead bodies and wipes the blood off of his shoes. It’s pretty desolate out here. The few that are left are hiding out waiting for their chance to take their shot.  He tightens up his diaper and takes out his soother to speak:

”Hey folks. How’s everyone? Not much left here to rule, if you ask me. But - as the mafia cycle goes, it’s time to let the new blood have their chance. Frankly, I’ll expect the same old speech about lazy and tired leadership not taking their jobs seriously enough. That’s fair. Most leaders don’t, if we’re being honest. I guess my question for the people that want to wear the crown is this:”

Why are you any different?

”No. Seriously. I’m not joking around here. Time after time, I read about new regimes coming in, turn into the people they were unsatisfied with and wait for the new young bulls to come in and kill them. It’s predictably cyclical and quite frankly - I’d be unsurprised if this came to fruition. However, I’d love for y’all to prove my trepidations wrong. This ain’t salt. My pops was a sleepy capo happy to drink and gamble too much. He deserved his fate and I don’t give two shits about him. I’m just honestly curious as to why I should ever expect anything to be better than it was.”

“Anyway, I’m gonna go find a good bar to sit in and have a few cocktails while this war continues. When it’s over and it’s time to be friends again I’ll be looking for a happy little family with a nice sandbox to make some friends in. Cheers”

I'm not going to stand here and tell you things will change, or that they will be better, or different. But I can tell you one thing for sure: 

Nothing - NOTHING - is going to improve around here until you pipsqueaks are running a 5 second 40 in shorts and benching your own bodyweight. I've got to stand here looking around at everybody looking like they just got pulled out of the discard bin at Gepetto's workshop. What's it gonna take to spot a calf muscle in this crowd? 

I would take everything HeadCoach is saying with a heavy pinch of salt. Has the man even flown before? Looking at his bulk I am highly dubious he has. Me on the other hand, well I've taken private flights across the country and back again, right to where I started. Why? Why fucking not? That's a better question. Will this new regime appreciate the art of aviation? They better. Lardo's like the Coach over here can only dream of the kind of airtime I've got under my belt. 

Of course we will get "the same ol speech", there are only so many reasons that you can go to war and to war at this extent. If your bloodline has been on these shores for a few years you heard them all.

But what is better? Really it is a word that says I am dissatisfied with the choice I had or have. 

Listen, you'd need to put me on the end of a battering ram to get me through an airplane doorway. I bus. I've bussed everywhere there is to go. Airtime? Don't talk to me about airtime, son. When I was your age, I was launching dunks from the 3-point line. I've seen more airtime than a baby's seen bottles. 

My man Jester is here talking about "cyclical" as if any of you couch potatoes have ever seen a spin class. This new mafia needs STAMINA, baby. 

Look at this guy over here talking about STAMINA and busing around in the same sentence. How often are you stopping for gas, coach? That's not stamina, that's only a step above a fucking steam engine. And spin classes? Don't make me laugh. I know from experience that what really helps people out the most is starting in one place, going to another and then heading right back to that same place. Funny story, once upon a time I picked up this passenger from Las Vegas, took her all around the country, and right back to Vegas. And you know what? She didn't even get on the plane. That's what makes a person into a rockstar, coach. You should start teaching that to your teams.

Get in, get out and then get right back in. Words to live by, baby.

Jester offers his unicycle to Headcoach.

”Let’s see some tricks. Go take it off that ramp over there.”

Jester watches thinking that this is a guy that’s going places.

Don't baby me, baby. That's my snazzy sign off, baby. I've only got two things on my agenda: 1. Kiss my wife, 2. Succeed, and my wife doesn't like kissing me anymore, which leaves a lot of time for the latter. I teach my teams to win, by whatever means necessary. Preparation, preparation, preparation. That's the old saying. A superior athletic specimen doesn't just appear out of nowhere. He doesn't just sit on airplanes eating peanuts like a damn elephant while the getting is good. While you're playing hot potato with state lines, my wife is so dedicated to achieving peak physical condition she stays over at yoga instructor Tim's house to get a better morning workout, because an early commute would be a nightmare, BABY.