It has been a long and difficult war, for this old coach especially. I have seen good friends die, the attempted asassination of my good name by the hideously ugly Ogreface, and dodged many attempts on my life, notably from Skitzo and NicosiaAmalfi. Did they know, at the time of their attempts, that despite being wider than I am tall that I am as mobile as a jungle cat and powerful as a bull? Unlikely, but it was a lesson quickly learned. 

In my time here, I have accumulated a set of elite athletes under my tutelage; men and women who need shelter from this terrible fighting. It is with that in mind that I have purchased a property in 12th Street, Detroit, to house them, to train them, and to shelter them from this storm. We will do this in memory of a man ripped from our community with such violence and malice, the reverberations of that moment still echo through this world today. I am talking about the murder of John_Fareham by the dead crewleader Constipated, a man who - in his own words - was "jovial and liked good humor and acknowledged such". We miss you, John. 

We are pacifists here at the JFMAST, so please leave your weapons with security at our facility. 

Does anyone have any questions?

Assistant Coach FrizzleFry stands behind HeadCoach, socks and shorts hiked high, a clipboard in one hand and a shiny whistle around his neck.  He nods along in agreement with what HeadCoach says, tossing in an occasional reassuring "Yep" and "he's exactly right" to solidify his boss's words to the streets.  HeadCoach concluded his speech and asks for questions.  FrizzleFry leans over and whispers in his fat cauliflower ear "Great speech, Coach" before blowing his whistle at the crowd and clapping loudly to get them fired up.

Twigs listened intently and with great delight to the pre-game speech by HeadCoach. Despite knowing his head would be in the game, twigs still took a chance and approached the coach.

"I guess the basketball net fixed to the garage in the uneven driveway just didn't cut it for you. I am sorry I couldn't provide the facilities to keep you around my HQ, but I knew it was a pipe dream. I would wish you best of luck in the big leagues, but we both know you won't need it. It's pure skill.

When you find the time, I would like your advice on how to hunt deer by firing baseballs at them."

The potential for basketball in this community is enormous. We just want to see that potential turn into a reality. I look around and see nothing but pipsqueaks like Wilhelm_Von_Fluff falling backwards under the weight of a free-throw. I can't allow that. Like any good coach, I want the spotlight to be on my players, not myself. And I especially want the spotlight to be on the death of John_Fareham at the hands of his own crewleader for a joke somebody else told. It was my duty to do this, for this community and for John_Fareham.