@Sosabowski 

you are so close to a quad you should be able to smell it's gusset.  However to refer to oneself as 'garish', regardless how stylishly you rate my bowler is bad form sir. bad form.

you must do better, 

QUADS ON HOLD FOR YOU SIR

Slightly taken aback by the fact that the man was able to overhear him muttering to himself, Sosabowksi removed his frayed beret, solemnly holding it in front of him while respectfully bowing his head. He threw his nearly finished cigarette onto the pavement and crushed it with his tattered boot. "I do apologise, good sir. Back home we did not know of such exquisite style, nor did we dream of it. Fashion is not borne out of poverty, and that which is unknown is unloved."

He paused for a moment, to consider his words. His clammy hands tightly gripping his beret, he found the courage. "A man born a peasant does not rise to become a king. A beret is not fashioned to become a bowler." And with that, he moved to retreat, ashamed of his lumpen clothes. One day, he too, would be as stylish as that man. But not today.

@Sosabowski 

You may not have been born into the gentry but begads, you have the heart and stiff upper lip of one who was destined for it.

Your words tickle my particular fancy and for that reason......

YOU GET QUADS

DING DONG!