Skidmark listens to the valiant warrior known only as "John" speak to the masses to explain his actions, while nodding in approval the entire time...

"I hope the attempted 'dressing down' was not too harsh, because in the world of organized crime, there is no place for someone who ascends to the rank of Wiseguy while never actually being part of an organized crime unit. It is antithetical to our entire existence and modus operandi. In fact, these are street scum who are actually trying to muscle in on our turf. They should, and will be, extinguished. It is a topic I have meant to bring to the forefront of Detroit operations for a few days now, but higher priorities have left it on the back burner."

"We are a generous and, mostly, peaceful bunch. We allow a certain amount of unaffiliated crime activity on our turf only for the purpose of allowing potential recruits and allies to gain their footing. Unfortunately, there are some who abuse this leniency and treat it as carte blanche to spit in our faces, endanger our lower ranks, and basically do whatever the fuck they want."

"I approve of your actions, John, and look forward to sitting down with the rest of the Detroit hierarchy to discuss what should be done about these scum.  Fair warning to others who mock the Cosa Nostra structure: find yourselves a home or start looking for some swimming gear."

"Whoa, settle down there big fella. We will have a sit down and discuss how to deal with these scum so that we are all on the same page. There will not be any need for dressing down or confrontation. Detroit is a city based on teamwork and good basketball. We will leave the culture of inner hostilities to Philadelphia."

"No apology necessary, John. I understand that you are still high on the adrenaline that comes with satisfying a bloodlust and watching Honesty's inbred blood flow into the gutters"

John, you seem to be nursing the same pathetic hard on for me that took your Grandad 9 rounds deep into a 10 round duel that he wasn't equipped for. After I kicked his lights out, I stood over his embarrassing corpse, noodle arms splayed out like the hands of a particularly limp clock, and I made a vow to myself that I wouldn't let this happen again. I swore that I would try to help his children from following him down the same idiotic path which led JFK_Jr to digesting 90% of his own face.

I couldn't save JFMAST; Cantfindasuit riddled him full of more holes than an Organised Crime masterminded by Hobbs. But when the recently widowed Mrs JFMAST came to my door, begging me to take her dumb son under my wing, I was reluctant to uphold my promise. She assured me that her boy, John, was going to do things differently. She told me that everyone knew he could make it if he just acted like a reasonable human, something her husband and his father before him had failed miserably at, but I wasn't convinced. I had taken the measure of you, you see, and what I found was a thimbleful of sly cunning, a bucket-load of grandiose delusion, and an ocean's worth of resentment.

Despite myself, I was foolish enough to believe you could better your DNA or arrogant enough to think I could help you, and I agreed to take you on as an associate. What a mistake. The second my back was turned you were back to intimidating FrizzleFry in the Streets - and I don't know what sort of hold you have on him to keep getting into these situations - and bullying him for an invite to his organization. Naturally he capitulated and I stepped back with a disappointed sigh seeing history playing out before my eyes once more.

I blame myself now for not doing more. Poor Honesty- lies in the dirt, his eulogies, the unfunny and racist lounge comments he surrounded himself with like trophies, in the absence of any actual trophies presumably, ringing out around the funeral home. The guilt eats away at me, like the worms will Honesty's face. 

So consider this your last warning. I spent my life working my way up from the laundry room to get to where I am now, the laundry room. You don't want any part of me. I'm down to do this back and forth as long as it takes. You know what will get me to stop? Stop mentioning me. You want me to continue? Keep doing what you do and I'll respond. Game on.

Nicola walks the streets and overhears the exchange. With a frown she quickly scribbles on a piece of paper and then pushes it into John's hands. The paper simply reads, "Suicide is never the answer." With her good deed for the day done, and math crimes calculated, she made her way back home to rest her poor weary head. 

You say you pulled the trigger & killed an Wise Guy? I call bullshit as you can't even hit an unsponsored gangster in your home city you looser. What did you do, pay someone to take the shot for you?

To be honest, this is all above my pay grade. All I know is that HeadCoach took me in and gave me a job as Assistant-Assistant to the Concession stand. I don't have weak ass noodle arms like some, and I have a hara that most Sumos would massage their testicles for. But I am old, for gods sake I've 30 years done on the force and rose to the rank of Captain. I'm also a lapsed recovering alcoholic after falling off the wagon hard following the death of a totally unknown to me fellow Detroitian, JFMAST. Sometimes, for unknown reasons, things that you can't explain hit you harder than you would have thought. But as I said, Coach brought me in and saw that while I couldn't shoot hoops to save my life, something about white men not being able to lift both of their feet off the ground at the same time, he did spot that I knew a good hotdog, and could sling peanuts with the best of them. 3-pointers? No! Land a bag of Nobby's Nuts in your lap from 30 seats away? Not a fucking problem!! I am also a dab hand at upselling Morley's^TM, even to people who don't smoke. Why just last match I sold 40 Lights to a sweet 8 year old girl who only wanted a corndog and a soda. I bet she's up to 20 a day already, and why not? Morley's^TM are the smooth smoke full of that big country flavour, and are recommended by 8 out of 10 Dentists and in a recent survey, more General practitioners smoked Morley's than any other cigarette. Even the surgeon General smokes Morley's^TM so what more incentive do you need?

Well look at me now, promoted to Assistant Manager of the Concession Stand, earning an extra $22.50 a week, and now able to place orders with the wholesaler, Honesty never had responsibility like that!!! Why only this past Sunday the Boss was considering authing me into Philadelphia to show them how a proper concession stand should be run, alas I had to decline as I owe Benny the Hooch $40 and I only have another 94 $2 payments to make to be clear. Perhaps next time they need help I'll be better placed to assist. I might even be a Concession stand Manager by then!!!!

Any way, as I said all this is above my paygrade, so smoke Morley's^TM and buy one of my big ass JFMAST foam hands if you wanna look really cool at the next match, only $1.50 each

Coach brought me in and saw that while I couldn't shoot hoops to save my life, something about white men not being able to lift both of their feet off the ground at the same time, he did spot that I knew a good hotdog

A fellow hot dog connoisseur eh? I know of a stadium in Chicago that serves up the best in town.

Flash-Fire my suggestion would be to find yourself housing immediately to avoid stray bullets heading in your direction.  I am assuming that signing a contract with my team is probably out of the question now for obvious unfortunate reasons, however we have several fine teams in our league that are always on the search for the next hot prospect.  If I can be of any assistance please reach out.

FrizzleFry if I were you I'd be less worried about my housing and be more worried about what sort of pissant you have as an right hand man, and I use the word man very loosely.

All I can say in regards to that Flash-Fire is that I understand how as an outsider looking in, it was an odd choice.  And as much as I'd like to go into detail with you about it, I can't.  But there is obviously a bit more to the story so let's just say the choice may not have been totally mine.

John the same old looser the rest of your bloodline has been when you fail to kill you ask to be friends then spam duel invites to an unarmed man. You truly are pathetic.

"There is one thing that I can definitely agree with Flash_Fire on. John is loosest man in all of Detroit. I've never seen someone so limber.

At least he isn't a loser like some others around here. Anyway, I'll be at the gym doing squats to try and be as much of a looser as John. You've motivated me to be a better person and for that I have to tank you."