You are walking down the streets when you notice a large crowd gathered around a stage. A stage you think to yourself, not just a soapbox, now these guys must be important. Upon the stage stand some familiar faces that you recognise as prominent members of Detroit's mafia basketball scene. The men seem to be arranged in a peculiar formation, with one rather large gentleman known as the HeadCoach at one side and other large freakazoids of men scattered around the stage attempting to distribute their enormous mass to prevent a stage collapse. Your eyes are drawn to a speaking podium. You see the bright BBB logo clearly standing out on the black podium. There seems to be a movement to the side of the stage. A smartly dressed man climbs to stairs to the stage, slowly ambles over to the stage and addresses the gathered crowd.

"I am here today to issue a statement. The Better Basketball Bureau have been informed by HeadCoach of some worrying trends as of late and he wished to raise his concerns around some policies introduced by Summerlin. For those you not aware these policies are related to the banning of ball sports within the Summerlin area. We at The Better Basketball Bureau were concerned by what we were told and we wish to condemn any actions taken that limit the rights of all ballers".

He grabs a quick orange slice from an adjacent platter before continuing his statement.

"We are announcing a full investigation into the actions taken within Summerlin and how these are affecting our members within the Summerlin area. As a part of this investigation, we will examine the views of our valued members but we also wish to speak to Mr Hoobs, apologies Hobbs, I have hoops on my mind. I am inviting Mr. Hoobs to come to speak to another colleague and I before we finalise our results next week. Mr Hobbs, you have a right to be heard so please come and talk to us. We can supply Orange slices for you and your insanely large entourage. Mr Hoobs, you may not wish to engage with us and that is your choice. HeadCoach we also issue the same courtesy to yourself and indeed to anyone who wishes to have input on this matter. Thank you very much for your time today and there will be no questions"

He pops another orange slice into his parched mouth, turns on his heels and leaves the stage.

Hobbs approached from the stage followed by his Insane levels of Protection. He had brought his own soapbox, not trusting the manufacturing capabilities of a bunch of athletes with soft oily torsos and arms from all the pre and post match rubdown sessions. He began to talk.

"Let me make this painstakingly clear, Triple B. The Better Basketball Bureau has zero jurisdiction in Summerin, Las Vegas. I am not here under oath, nor am I here because of your mob of jersey clad hobos outside my hotel hollering all night. I'm here because as a respected pinstriped suit wearing Mafioso with his own soap box factory, cigar deal with Cuba and vintage fedora it is my duty, nay, privilege as a Crew leader to appear before you to explain my actions.

With that being said, I am here to refute all and any allegations of wrong doing, and should you consider to make claims against me you'll be subject to a defamation lawsuit where we will discuss all and any of Headcoach's mega pint of wine drinking episodes and the impact that has on his day to day operation (Significant).

The only investigation that should be taking place into 'Better Basketball' is an internal deep-dive into why the JFMAST All Stars are on a 5 match L-L-L-L-L streak. The only other time I saw that many L's in one place was at the Detroit Mafia Basketball Gym, situated in Las Vegas when I watched you losers run around failing bleep tests.

You're all fat juicers who need to work on your cardio. It breaks my heart to see you all pay for your Gym subscriptions and not go near the treadmills. What a waste, what a waste."

HeadCoach had arrived to greet the Better Basketball Bureau representatives in his finest leisure wear and sneakers.

"BBB, it is a pleasure to have you here. We at the John_Fareham Memorial All-Star Team welcome this investigation with open arms. We are an open book to you, anything you need, you only have to ask. Given your FEDERAL jurisdiction, I expect you will have no issues with the Summerlin branch, and encourage you to treat all non-compliance with extreme prejudice. 

I eagerly await your findings.

If you need me, you can always find me at the JFMAST gym, at home, or on a long, directionless drive around the city while my wife engages in a rigorous and sweaty 1 on 1 mat pilates class with her personal instructor, for which she asks me to leave the house for hours at a time in order to better concentrate. I don't mind this, as it gives me time to think of mafia basketball in the privacy of my car."