The results are in!  

We asked What HeadCoach should give Jaws.  You lot said:

A bullet in the head (6)

A promotion (0)

A demotion (1)

His own crew (7)

So, a small majority for giving Jaws his own crew!  Not far behind is a call for a permanent end to Jaws' career, but we are taking comfort from those who wish to see him grow and thrive.

We asked which crew Jaws should be part of.  You lot said:

HeadCoach (1)

FrizzleFry (4)

MikeTyson (0)

His own (9)

I wonder if the sole person lobbying for Jaws to be on HeadCoach's team was HeadCoach himself?  Four people want to see Jaws bring his revolutionary ways into FrizzleFry's crew, but a full nine respondents are demanding that Jaws be given auth.

We asked if Jaws should do the following.  You lot said:

Write more newspapers (2)

Keep being funny (3)

Retire (9)

The overlap between those wanting to see Jaws run his own crew, and those wishing him to retire is alarming.  What do they expect to happen if Jaws gets auth?

We asked WHAT IS THE BEST THING ABOUT DETROIT.  You lot said:

Grin-22 is a shining light in that cesspool. Jaws sucks the big kahuna. Nobody even bothers to pay attention to his dumb threads anymore. You're a male Ambichous, talking in a lame echo chamber and nobody is even feeding, fucking or financing you. Take a hike, you clown.

It's purple

Not having jawsJ

Jaws being a fat junkie

The airport.

Leaving Detroit

JAws

The people and the writing

Nothing

It's not LA

Basketball and its Girthiness

That Jawth controlth all that happenth there.

I don't live there

We asked WHAT IS THE FIRST THING ABOUT DETROIT.  You lot said:

Jaws, Jaws and more fucking Jaws.

It's purple

Having jaws

Jaws being a fat junkie

HeadCoach continuously recruiting the Kuku bloodline!

Arriving in Detroit

JAws

Jaws

MikeTyson

It's not LV Jaws

That Jawth hath not got hith own crew.

the bathroom

A mixed bag.  Allegations of Jaws being addicted to drugs could be covered by "fair comment" legislation, even though he isn't.  And neither is he overweight.  Simply big-boned.  Is Jaws noodle-armed or not?  Who knows.  But let's take this opportunity to remind ourselves that FatherMacklePenny, Dave, Flash_Fire, and Honesty- have all been killed by the Kuku lineage in the most hilarious of circumstances.  But Jaws wants no part of this any more.  He's a new one.  And a druggy one at that. Is Jaws a male Ambichous?  I think not.  Jaws going out of his way to be given money, whilst Ambichous sees being tipped for her writing as a violation of her human rights. But this survey confirms that DETROIT is an exciting and stimulating place to be, and that the people want Jaws to have his own crew, or take over FrizzleFry's. But we will all wait to see what happens. Oh, and a word about Grin-22.  That moron clearly had his acolytes do his bidding.  God knows what Grin-22 did to @RonaldCrabbio, dragged the poor bastard out of retirement, made him write salacious stories, and then forced him off of these shores. Speaking of being forced off shores, you'll notice that not ONE person confirmed FrizzleFry's claim to have rid society of sisterIvoryBlackmore.  The truth is, nobody could have influenced that person.

Any suggestions for the next survey

"Let's make one thing very clear right off the bat: my vote was for you to be part of FrizzleFry's crew. Not because I long to exile you - I love each and every one of my JFMAST all-stars - but because I fear "aththithtanth" coach (as Iron Mike would say) Frizzle may be getting lonely out there in 12th Street. He has become very existential lately and I don't like it. Not even the public toilets seem to bring him any comfort. 

Now let's take a look at these results:

A bullet to the head: 6 votes.

His own crew: 7 votes.

Very tight. Very, very close call there. Is it too late to change my vote? I'm not sure a demotion was harsh enough anymore. What do we make of this? Is 13 people enough to justify this as a community-wide sample? Would it be correct to say, at this point, that the world wants Jaws authed? Slightly more than it wants him dead, at least."

"Ronald has been sent away overseas on some Family business, Jaws, please do not fear for his safety - and stop spreading rumors about his whereabouts. I would say that I'm looking forward to the next issue of The DETROIT Free Press...but that would be a lie. And very nice people don't lie. If you ask anyone they will indeed tell you that we here in Chicago (+temporarily adopted Hobbs) are actually really...very nice people."

Nicola listened to what Illuminatiated was saying and then held up a sign reading, "I'm not." just behind him where he'd not notice. When her arms started getting tired she lowered the sign and swapped to giving the man who was in charge of her bunny ears instead. Eventually he'd snap, and this was for science. 

Shut your fucking mouth before I fold you in half.

Hobbs arrived at the scene of the survey unveiling. He and his entire retinue of 180 to 200 loyal and extremely sturdy and reap bodyguards were 'blinged up' in fur coats and gold jewellery. It's what one of his books had said impressive looking rich folk attired themselves in. He waited for an opening in Jaws word vomit and then stepped in. 

"I'll be honest. I voted for Jaws to get his own family. It's clear now what Detroit needs is a man of the people, and what's more man of the people than being named for a giant shark who literally eats men and consumed them. Do you know how many men have been inside Jaws?! I'd wager at least 7,000 which is impressive numbers for sure.

The other factor at play is I think it would upset Headcoach which I'm very happy to see.

The third and final plus would be as his own entity I could legally murder him without reprise for not paying out $35 million or ten of the Godfather's finest credits that he owes me."

Hobbs paused and took a drink from a $5 million dollar gold plated sippy cup

"Illuminatiated, very nice people don't need to tell everyone they are very nice people."