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The Credit Gnoblin Gnoch Started by: Gnoch on Jun 22, '22 19:07

When first he sprout forth from the nether, the young baby Gnoch began a journey of trials and tribulations like any other before him. His mother and father were of no consequence to his life story and as such never mentioned in any of the ancient writings about this beast of a man, and the writings were in fact as boundless as they were exciting; like the time he accidentally spent three entire weeks on a farm without the farmer nor his wife having a clue, only a rather large pigs suckling breasts kept him alive with any form of sustenance. Yes, like any other twelve year old child, he still needed breast milk in order to survive, he was unique but not special.

"Why do you need to know these stories? Well, that's simple, because to understand what is about to happen: You must first understand Gnoch as he was and is. You see, his upbringing was very confusing to say the least, and as such he had to learn to take care of himself and those around him to the best of his abilities. When shiny golden credits came to the earth from that large meteor a few years ago, the President created a very specific form of giving these away and back to the people in the form of what we can call for brevity sake, a giveaway."

Yes, the golden giveaway. It was very well talked about in the 1930s and I am sure the history books will be sure to mention it in the future, but Gnoch became addicted to these giveaways-- he would sit out in a camper and wait for the golden goodness to be handed out to the people by city hall, always one of the first to arrive and grab is fair share. You see, some didn't like how quick Gnoch was at these, but they didn't quite understand how the mafia had turned selling these into a very lucrative business.

"Hey you fucking Goblin, get out of here. Leave some for the rest of us."

The Goblin, such a common creature in the 1930s, and again, I am sure this would be written about extensively in the history books of tomorrow; was known for stealing from the poor and rich alike. This is what Gnoch was accused of being, but he was still just a man, one who was really fucking good at stealing from the poor and rich, but only a man.

They want a goblin? I'll give them a fucking goblin. He whispered to himself kind of creepily while painting his skin light green, a color which he couldn't see very well due to his near colorblindness. The fumes would make him dizzy, but he refused to stop until he was green from head to toe, and then he shuffled out to where a group of people were listening.

"I, Gnoch, will be doing riddles and handing out credits to whoever gets them correct. This will go on for as long as I possibly can, or until I have ran out of credits, which, lets be honest, will never happen." the second the sentence was finished, he grabbed another credit from out of what seemed to be thin air, like a magician putting on a trick, and added it to his pile.

Riddle 1:

I love carrots, but I am not a rabbit.

I am a finisher, not a starter. 

My name rhymes with Limax.

Who am I?

While he waited for people to come and respond, another credit popped into his hands while a few people attempted to feebly catch it to no avail. What a nice guy, Gnoch was, to give them a chance to win some of the cash he had taken from them. He truly is quite the giver, and not just a taker.

"So who's up first?"

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twigs took great pride in knowng everything about his fellow uppers in Las Vegas. No detail about them was too small, really. As he heard Gnoch give the first riddle, he immediately knew the right answer. Perhaps this credit goblin could turn out quite lucrative for twigs.

"The answer is Climax, of course!"

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Before he could even get the riddle fully off the ground Illuminatiated sent him a message via pigeon that said in great exclamation the name of "Climax" which flustered the man who didn't think that these would be so easy to get. His face became bright red and before any reaction could be had, twigs walked over to him and exclaimed the correct answer as well.

"O... okay, okay. So, that first one was kind of easy, huh?" looking into his pockets he saw two of the golden credits missing from what was a large hoard of them and those two... they hurt. But, he had to do this for the people, for those who weren't as quick and spry as he was, and he wouldn't let a small set-back of greed get into his mind.

Riddle 2:

I am a gun, but you cannot shoot me.

I like to join in on a good Climax.

[3rd hint redacted this time]

Who am I?

Holding the "My name is Colt" hint in his pocket, he figured that one might make this whole thing a little too easy and so ripped it from the board before anyone could hopefully read it. Surely this one would take a bit longer than the last, right? ...right?

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We were only at riddle #2, but the difficulty had noticably increased already. Clearly, these credits weren't going to be easy to claim from the goblin. Not entirely sure about the answer, twigs started stammering the option, ready to accept the public ridicule if he were incorrect.

"G-G-Gnoblin, I believe the answer is.. Colt?"

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"Be honest with me, did you look in my pocket?" closing up his pants a bit to make sure that no one could see the answers that he had pre-written days ago in preparation for this, he stared back at his Godfather-Charimen twigs who seemingly had an omniscience about him since he was yet to be wrong.

"Because you sir, are correct!" throwing a little confetti from out of his pocket, he breathed a sigh and took another credit from out of the large batch behind, around, and inside of him. It felt like he was removing a piece of his very being every time he handed one of these golden slips to another person, and it was sickening.

You. must. not. stop. 

Riddle 3:

NOT YET.

Yes, his first wrench being thrown into twigs' plan to steal him of all of his riches. The third riddle would not be until later tonight, when more people were aware of the festivities taking place. Perhaps he would go around and tell more about what he was doing, because at this point it felt a whole lot like money laundering with another city member.

"We'll be back in a few hours for another exciting question. Everyone, please be sure to..." before he could finish his sentence he tripped over another credit which had just appeared beneath his feet, ripe for the collecting, a bunch of his answer-set flying from out of his pants and all around the place.

Skillibeing. KillShot. Wish. Grin-22. twigs.

I am... I was... I like...

Oh no, all of the answers and questions fluttering all around. Everyone could see them, this was so embarrassing. He collected as many as he could and ran away to collect better riddles-- next time they would be a whole lot harder and would have more answer than just random people from his family or who he knew were currently active within the mafia community.

"YOU DIDN'T SEE THIS."

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Some called Gnoch the Credit Gnoblin. To Hobbs he was the Gnoch Goblin. The Gnoch Gobbler. Gnoch Womble. All great names for a great guy who Hobbs definitely didn't hate and secretly want to murder and kill. If Gnoch didn't work for Climax Hobbs was sure he'd have been murdered by now.

Hobbs watched the first couple of riddles with twigs and got the jist of what was occurring. 

"I too like riddles" he said stepping forward for his change at the big time. He put a nice big definitely not fake smile on his face as he approached.

"I'd love a chance to win, Master Gnoch. Can we make it so twigs can't play this one?"

He waited in suspense for riddle 3 to begin. This was what the intellectuals of the world wanted. This was the perfect balm for a world suffering from boxing and mugging competitions. The people wanted Sudokus. Crosswords. Riddles!

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