Now you've probably heard the rumours circulating about FrizzleFry and The Detroit Dribblers franchise in 12th Street being disbanded. This was obviously due to outside pressure from HeadCoach, who during one disgruntled brooding session atop his pile of hoarded envelopes like a greedy mother hen, felt that 12th Street should be contributing even more money into his chubby coffers. FrizzleFry was boasting a respectable "Low" visibility record before HeadCoach's sausage-fingered meddling, which has since, disappointingly, slipped into the barely believable "Insanely Low" tier. Revenue has fallen further and HeadCoach, in a typically clumsy and heavyset move, immediately authorised another franchise to ply their trade in 12th Street.

I have been cultivating my own wealth in recent weeks by not paying out competition winners, refusing to kick up anything to HeadCoach, and pointing out the disgusting eating habits of a certain beanless Philly crewleader to widespread acclaim and financial gain. With these funds, including a $1.8m debt owed to me by HeadCoach in the form of lottery tickets, I am sponsoring FrizzleFry in his decision to remain within the gloomy halls of the former Detroit John Fareham's headqaurters. He should be free to wander from room to room, occasionally press his nose against the window in his half-open dressing gown and watch the paperboy add another roll to the ever expanding pile on his doorstep. This man was a pioneer of Mafia Basketball, the first to don the now infamous black and white fedora, the royalties from which HeadCoach continues to stuff into his gaping maw. FrizzleFry does not deserve to be bullied by Jimmy 3 Chins Coach in Bricktow; this must end.

Therefore, starting today, I'm going to be contributing $20,001 in the form of possibly unwanted tips to the Free FrizzleFry Fund. I'm sure people have some reservations about Funds like this given the infamous Mastrosimone swindle still fresh in the memory, within which I myself was conned. This isn't going to be like that though. This is a legitimate Fund with the exclusive purpose of paying HeadCoach enough money to keep his gluttonous gaze away from The Detroit Dribblers and back firmly where they belong, on his lowly #6 position on the VIP list.

I would welcome others to join me in taking a stand against the tubby tyranny of HeadCoach. You can do this most effectively by tipping me in the amount of $20,001. Obviously, no Hobbs allowed. 

Thank you for your time and long live FrizzleFry and The Detroit Dribblers. 

Everybody shut up! I am speaking! 

I believe it was Billy-Mastrosimone, the renowned swindler and scam artist, who also proclaimed his fund to be legitimate. That's how these things work. You're not supposed to tell people you're scamming them. The man was a liar and a thief and robbed dozens of good people out of millions of dollars. Wherever he is now, tanned and flanked by models in the French Riviera, champagne dripping off his vicuna wool shirt, it's not far enough. Justice will be brought to him, just the same as I deliver my wife to her mixology classes packed wall-to-wall with virile young bartenders in the classically horny environment of cocktails & lounge lighting. 

All that being the case - re: Mastrosimone being the worst of us - you are not far behind. I'm glad we've brought Hobbs in to cling to the bottom of our totem pole because you are burrowing your way beneath it. We just want to bring FrizzleFry home safe & sound. It's dangerous for a man to live alone, especially someone who inhales food as quickly as he does. He's famous for questioning why a man needed teeth when stomach bile would do the trick. Still, if I am not understanding this wrong, it appears the aim of this fund is to pay me, which is terrific news and something I endorse completely. You may be my least favorite all-star but at the end of the day you, regrettably, are still a member of my crew. 

Good work, stupid. 

Iron Mike Tyson will take a stand against the tubby tyranny of HeadCoach for the low price of $20,001 he would be a fool not to! Iron Mike's nose had been well out of joint & things had taken a bad turn in his relationship with HeadCoach since his unfortunate disqualification from the mafia boxing contest. Sure Ol Iron Mike may have got the doses slightly wrong on his patented diet of HGH & Trenbolone resulting in not 1 but 2 members of Mug City biting off ears from Johnny 'Muff Diver' McIver.

The buddah of ball had been holding this slight thuck up over Mikes head for a while. The constant jibes about an unfortunate errant bullet finding the neck of an allied bodyguard, the constant demands for tax & tributes & now the final straw, Coath making a trade offer for well known Horse murderer Illuminatiated had pushed Mike over the edge. As far as Mike was concerned Mug City needs an Ian like HeadCoach needs a weight gain protein shake.

"I thand with Brother Grin-22 & encourage everyone to give to this worthy cauthe... Long live Aththithtant Coath FrizzleFry !"

I could talk for days about the treachery of Mastrosimone. How he amassed a mountain of ill-gotten gains would make Ponzi blush at the audacity of it. Eventually, as with all swindlers, and you should keep this at the forefront of your mind, the well ran dry and he was forced to flee or drown. He fled, you're a walrus in a polo shirt. How far do you think you'll get before your unset-omelette face is spotted, HeadCoach?

Hobbs. Ha. Don't make me laugh. Too late. Ha ha ha ha. Fucking Hobbs. Hobbs isn't the answer to any problem; guy can't even suitably fill his role as bottom of the pyramid without ballsing it up. Last I heard he was trying to get a library off the ground in Detroit, claiming credit for retiring jerseys and getting his face mug-beaten into something Iron MikeTyson would wolf down as recovery formula. A noodle-armed word worm, that's what you've traded for, Coach. Bravo.

Well, I'm not done yet, Hobbs. My numberless jersey isn't going to adorn the wall of any higher learning nerd factory, not today and not ever. Sure there is a pile of dirty whites in the laundry taller than anything in twigs' sapling patch, but that's not a problem. I'll get to them, one short leg after the other as I always say.

In the meantime if this fund helps FrizzleFry to keep the lights on at The Detroit Dribblers HQ and his whistle out of your frothing mouth, then I think $20,001 is a small price to pay.