I spend a lot of my day dreaming of the eulogy I'm going to give HeadCoach when he finally takes the Tibetan Sky Funeral we had a HQ whip round to pay for. I'm also something of a ghoul and when I'm not beating the piss out of worms in duels, I like to experience the sadness of others, (who doesn't, right?) so I spend my time, attending funerals of people I barely know and listening to the things other people say about them. Is that a weird hobby? Maybe. Does it make me the most qualified person to create an award for who has given the best eulogy? Absolutely!

We have several nominees up for consideration today to receive the award for "Best Rogue Eulogy". This once frowned upon practice has exploded in recent weeks, with several prominent figures dropping by the funeral home to give their best wishes to the deceased despite the fact they were still covered in the blood of their peers. 

The nominees are.....

FrenchieHorn. Frenchie came to prominence for wearing a suit 5000x too big for her, bought and paid for by someone else, which she shamelessly stole. Now, modelling a generic white top and blowing an absurdly small french horn, she dropped by the funeral of Ryza to pass on her best wishes:

My one and only BFF.  This is an absolute tragedy.  I am so sorry, don't even know what to say.  

RIP

FrenchieHorn 

Are these heartfelt tears for a best friend enough to win the vote?

Well don't make your mind up just yet because hailing from 12th Street, Detroit, we have purported future rogue, DeathbecomesMe, still in her billiards attire of tights, necklace and a hat, who praised departed MidpoinT from the rafters of OOC Avenue:

Rest well my friend, you died the way lived, without giving 2 fucks about what anyone thought of you. You called it like you saw it, you had the balls to do what I'll bet more than half the peeps here wish they had the balls to do.. So for that you have my admiration and my unending respect. Til we meet again my friend.

*wipes away a tear*

DeathbecomesMe

Tears seem to be the theme of the day, but perhaps something sneakier will capture the imagination of the audience. This little nudge, nudge, wink, wink effort from DonkeyShot is the final entrant to the category. Seeing as this would be a posthumous award, I've hired an actor to give a live action rendition of this eulogy to MidpoinT. Take it away, Quentin. 

A voice calls out from the shadows, "you filthy piece of trash, you dead son of what now is a childless whore". The tone is obviously unacceptable to people in charge, but he continues on with total sincerity...

"Why the fucking fuck did you what you did? Did you feel this would make the day fun? Our nation less of a grind? Well.. You are wrong, you bastard! You dead bastard! This nation now is mourning because of you. Great people have fallen. People that have been involved in a lot of stuff probably.." 

Quentin gives a knowing wink to the audience so his subtle meaning isn't lost....

"And I know what you are thinking now, you dead punk! I have no clue, but that aint the issue. The issue us that those people worked hard and you just felt like shooting them because you could? How sick is your mind then? You fucking fuck. So many people had to work hard to kill you and it was a fucking big relief that they killed you dead, you totally unfunny thing of dead flesh."

The audience are in the palm of Quentin's hand. They thought he was being serious, but guess what HE WASN'T HAHAHAHAHA. Who was fooled? Anyone? No. Ok. Quentin composed himself, taking a brief pause to consider necrophilia because, why not? Deciding against it, he goes on...

"All in all, I am so, so, so, so disappointed in your actions, your morale and your mother. Most of my friends had told me she was worth the money, but I totally disagree. But maybe that also was because of the sickmaking thought of her son coming from that same area I was penetrating. Who knows?

Anyway, I dont think you can reply, so I will just leave it with this.

Fucker."

Quentin departs the scene to a smattering of applause. 

A truly touching eulogy, with meaning in every word. But has he done enough? Which of our nominees do you think gave the best eulogy to a rogue? Was it FrenchieHorn with 'My one and only BFF'? Was it DeathbecomesMe with 'you had the balls' or was it DonkeyShot/Quentin with 'you totally unfunny thing of dead flesh'?

Please let me know who you think should be the winner and recipient of both the coveted "Best Rogue Eulogy" award and a mystery cash prize...oooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.