Aloha mai e ko'u mau hoa.

Hello again friends, its me, Maui, breathe it in. Its been a while since I came her to entertain and regale you with the tales of my people, so I figured it was time I got a wriggle on. Firstly, let me offer my condolences to the people of Detroit. I know you guys weren't demi-gods, you might not even have been as entertaining as Maui, but you tried, and that is to be respected. 

Eia ka leho, 
He leho ula no ka heehoopai. 
Eia ka kao, he laau, 
He lama no ka hee-mahola, no ka hee-palaha. 
E Kanaloa i ke Ku, 
Kulia ke papa, 
Kulia i ka papa hee! 
Kulia ka hee o kai uli! 
E ala, e Kanaloa! 
Hoeu! hoala! e ala ka hee! 
E ala ka hee-palaha! E ala ka hee-mahola! 

 Any way, back to me, after all that's why you are all here. So I have thought long and hard about which nā moʻolelo I would tell you today, and after much deliberation I think the story of the Giant Eel would be the most entertaining. 

MAUI AND TUNA.

Some time in the future, hopefully - after all Maui's enemies appear to be out for blood, I will tell you the tale of how I drew the Islands from the sea, but that is for another day. After I had drawn forth the islands, I decided to settle there, and I built myself a house. While I was out fishing one day, I spied a maiden washing her loututu in order to make kapa cloth down by the shore. She was a fine specimen, and I immediately decided to woo her and make her my wife, which being Maui, I of course did. Hina-a-te-lepo Rau-kura became my wife, and looked after my thatched cottage, cooking my food and the like. My house was near the banks of a stream, which Hina was in the habit of going down to in order to fetch water for cooking, cleaning and making kapa cloth.

One day she went down to the stream with her calabash. She was entwined with wreaths of leaves and flowers, as was the custom among my people. While she was standing on the bank, Tuna-roa, "the long eel," saw her. He swam up to the bank and suddenly struck her and knocked her into the water and covered her with slime from the blow given by his tail. However, I had chosen my wife well, and she escaped this foul creature and returned to the house, but chose not to say anything to me. The following day, she returned to the stream, and again was attacked and befouled by Tuna-Roa and his slime. This time she became angry, and reported the trouble to me.

I was a little upset as you can imagine, you would be a tad upset if an eel sneaked up on your wife, knocked her on her ass and slimed all over her. So I decided to punish him. I sought out his home, and watched to make sure he was there. It was on the opposite side of the bank of the stream, so I snatched up the two long planks that I used to launch my canoe, and stretched them over the river, creating a bridge with which to entice Tuna-Roa to cross. It was obvious that he was infatuated with Hina, and wanted her for himself. I found some near by rocks and hid, tightly gripping my stone axe, Ma-Tori-Tori, and waited. I did not have to wait long. Finding the bridge, Tuna-Roa hurried across. Rushing from my hiding place, like some Conan the Barbarian-esque mythic warrior, I struck out with my Axe and severed his head with a single blow. 

I chopped his body into pieces, some fell into the sea and became the fish and the conger eel. Some fell into the stream and became the fresh water eel. Some of his blood splashed the birds, forever marking them red such as the red crested cardinal, the red footed booby and the apapane, and some splashed the trees, forever staining their bark, such as the ʻōhiʻa lehua. Finally I took his guts, and buried them in the sand. Almost immediately a mighty palm sprung forth, bearing coconuts, which still bear the face of Tuna-Roa, complete with the silly look of shock when I decapitated him. 

So there you go, the moʻolelo of how I created Coconuts by killing an Eel, I'm sure you'll agree that the actual tale is far more entertaining than a simple 1 line explanation in a song. Now if you will excuse Maui, he is off to look for a new house, as it would appear that the winds have carried away my current one. 

Ua pepehi au i ka puhi  
Ua kanu au i kona ʻōpū  
Puu aʻe he lāʻau  
i kēia manawa ua loaʻa  
iā ʻoe nā niu  
He aha ka haʻawina  
he aha ka lawe ʻana mai 
huikau me ka maui ke hoomaha​​​​​​​

Perhaps if the spirits are kind, I shall return to regale you with further tales of Maui, and how I'm fucking awesome!