The night was young, and the rogues had went back to Hell where they belong. While there was supposed to be a part two on explaining what happened during the weekend of rogue and roguette, that was a lot of work and this was way easier to talk about right now, so get over it: there will never fucking be a part two and you can't make me. What this meant, however, was that the sassiest of the peaches that ever did exist was now free to spend their time in other ways.

"What's going on this weekend, Charles? Hey, put me on the table so I can read that paper."

"Aren't you supposed to be six feet tall? Do you already forget your fucking lore, Peach?"

"No, shut up. This is a funny bit and I'm only tall when it benefits me, now lift me up or I'll hire a new person to take care of me. Do you want to really lose your benefits already?"

Being placed cozily on the table, they rolled their way over towards the local newspaper and read through all of the varying different competitions and prizes. It seemed like Tennessee was hosting their fourth annual story-telling competition, but there wasn't enough of a mafia presence down there for the Peach to really bother with that: They needed something good, that was in one of the major mob cities and that was going to make them a star. 

Just then, it caught their eye, some sort of checkers based competition. It wasn't what they were usually interested in, as their tiny frame would sometimes make people mistake them for a game-snack and not one of the competitors, but luckily for Peach they could change their size at will and were now standing outside of one of the biggest checkers halls in all of America (Yes, these probably exist.)

"I can't believe you moved that piece there!"

"It was a trick, you see. Always make your opponent think less of you, that way they'll never see it coming."

The older man did a few more flourishes and then lost, but he talked really smart throughout the entire match and so peach decided that this would be the person to teach them how to play. So they walked over and introduced themselves in the only way that they knew how: "Yes, I am the infamous Sassy Peach and I'll shoot you if you make a big deal out of it. Now teach me everything you've learned about checkers in your many years, oh wise one."

Maybe it was the gun pointed towards his face or a mutual respect between two people that didn't really know that much about checkers at all, but the old man agreed and started to teach a novice the moves that only another novice would know; but it couldn't be understated just how impressive that his beard was, and old people always know what they're talking about, so the Peach proudly listened to every last word and trained for the next four hours straight on his movements of the pieces.

"Yes, yes! You're getting it! Move that piece up, like the wind. Straight into that spot. Do not let your hand leave the piece until it is exactly where you want it to go. Up, down, left, right; there are no rules to the game of checkers. You do whatever feels right.", this didn't seem to be an actually true statement, but again this man was so convincing that the sassy peach absorbed every last word and wildly threw a single piece all around the board, it was a beautiful display of domination.

"You came close that match, young one. You took two of his before you lost. You're learning so much." 

For weeks the peach would come into this place and learn all of the advanced techniques-- like turning over the board in anger when you're losing, or twirling the red checker piece around in a bunch of circles on the board and watching it land so impressively. While they still didn't know how to actually play the game, they were now a master at throwing tiny checkers circles at people once they started to lose, and this strength would carry them to victory.

"Thank you, Sensei. I've never had so much confidence in my entire life. How can I thank you?"

"Go win, son. Remember everything I taught you."

"That if I throw a piece and they have to go retrieve it, then they've already lost?"

"Yes, you're ready."

Clutching a few of the checkers pawns in his hands-- the peach threw them into the air and quickly kicked the board, another one of the lessons that he was taught by his wise master. Then they left the dojo for the very last time, ready to take on whoever would want to match up with them in a game of mental fortitude.

Hopping atop his horse, they rode off. Only to be seen again once the games would commence. Their time to be king was fast approaching, and may everyone duck if they got in their way, for they would be throwing many checkers like rocks.