Walks up and blares on a trumpet, calling everyone on the street over to this exciting, new feature that will be very fun for everyone.

Hello mafia peons and others!!

We are very serious around here. That doesn't mean we don't enjoy a good song and dance every now and then. Frankly, I've seen some of you dance, and it's not pretty.

Anyway, that's not why I am here on this pedestal preaching to you. Even though some of us may be horrible dancers, we all have our own music inside of us.

For some of us, we have a suave, perfectly on beat, and pleasurable music inside. Use me as an example.

Others of us have a questionable rhythm and can't even metaphorically carry a tune in a bucket.

Which one are you? Do you blow or do you need blowing? This is where I come in.

For a fee of $50,000, I will tell you where you fall. I have the ability to see inside of people's souls and extract their true nature. It may not be pleasant, but it will be honest.

Who will be the first to take their chances to find out what instrument they are?

Stands and waits for the first brave soul to step up and take their chances

I'm totally the air guitar.

however, i shall pay and find out.

i'm scared now

Looks deep into the monkey's eyes, gauging his personality and style

Well, well my friend, this is quite interesting!

You are the harmonica. Whichever way you blow it is mighty satisfying.

Congratulations, get out there and go crazy!

Waits for the next customer to step up and give it a try

Castro, looks around at the eery establishment set up by Huebert. He steps in and as he does Fluffymonkeygibbon steps out with a smile on his face. 

Why the hell not. But 50 grand for a reading sounds expensive. Buut, hey. Im a mobster, haha. Gimme what you got?

Grabs the man's head between his hands, looking deep into his soul.

What do I see here? Very interesting indeed...

You are the french horn. Once the tickling of the undercarriage is complete, the high note is distinguishable.

There you go sir, I hope you find someone to tickle that for you.

Looks into the crowd, excited to do the next reading with the love of discovering what is in people's souls

SexyBeats approaches Huebert empty handed, but upon approaching begins an epic session of air drums.

How about that? Pretty good, right?

He slides Huebert an envelope with 50k inside

curious gallifrey emerges from the crowd right then id like to have ago what do you see inside my soul!

Motions for SexyBeast to sit in front of him, looking down at him as he sits at his feet

That was very impressive Mr. Beast, but I must see what is truly inside of you.

Puts SexyBeast's head between his knees, making little circles before suddenly releasing him

Aha! I had to take quite a different method with you, but I have discovered your true nature. My knees are very intuitive as well.

You are the saxophone. It matters not that you have a mullet, the intensity you will feel when that reed is between your lips will conquer all.

Not quite the drums, but it seems you need a 'reed' between your lips. You better go find it though, sounds like a powerful experience!

Steps back and lets SexyBeast get back up, dashing off to somewhere very quickly

Gallifrey, my readings are insightful, and therefore not free.

You must first pay for my services so that I can take a gander inside your true soul!

Whilst sleeping is rudely awakened by a blaring noise, still dry, he realises that spunktrumpet is not actually spouting more drivel, so pops outside and see's a man rubbing peoples heads in a peculiar way.

Intrigued, he steps forward.

I'm tone deaf so would love to know what kind of instrument I am, plus, I really hope it has a mute button, cant get this ringing out of my ears

Slides Huebert a fat brown envelope stuffed with cash.

Do me, Heubert, do me like you've never done any other living soul, go deeeeep inside.

Takes the envelop and counts the money, nodding in approval.

Taking Klasky's waist in his hands, they start swiveling their hips together.

I'm definitely getting something from you...something powerful!

You are the violin. Slender, high maintanence, foul if mistreated. But plucked properly, you're in heaven.

Congratulations, I hope someone can pluck you just right.

Winks at Klasky and searches the crowd for the next participant

WhereAmI sees the crowd gathering, he sees Huebert and calls his accountant to get the money ready. He approaches Huebert with money in hand and asks,

Ah what the hell, I'll give it a go. Can you tell me what instrument I am Huebert?

Smiles wryly as he glances at WhereAmI, taking his money

Well, sir. You...look a bit lost.

Looks into his eyes and headbutts him gently, watching how dizzy he gets

No wonder you're lost all the time...I have the perfect one for you.

You are the air guitar. Lots of preening, posturing, showmanship, but ultimately you have to sort ourself out.

Not quite sure how your possible future partners will like that. Best of luck to ya kid, I hope you figure out where you are eventually.

Maybe someday I'll invent some pills to help with that.

Laughs as the crowd gets closer, seeing WhereAmI walking away with a strange look on his face.

"You are the violin. Slender, high maintanence, foul if mistreated. But plucked properly, you're in heaven."

I think you've managed to describe Klasky perfectly, minus the slender part..

Clearly you have a gift here, Huebert. Alabama turns away for a moment to speak with one of her entourage

Ok, i've had arrangements made to deposit the agreed sum of money in your bank. In fact, I think you'll find I paid a little bit extra as I know its not an easy task you have here.

Alabama sits back and awaits to find out what instrument she is

Monet had been listening to the crowd and his jaw dropping in amazement each time Huebert spoke and told them which they were.  How did he do it! He couldn't believe his eyes (well they were pretty badly covered in cataracts, so that might be to blame). 

The old man sidled up beside one of Alabama's entourage to Huebert. 

Okay okay, I guess I'll give it a go. This had better be good. 

He straightens his back with the help of his cane, and slips an envelope to Huebert. 

Looks Alabama up and down, smirking.

It's about time I got a lady into my hands. Sit here little lady.

Reaches out and grab's Alabama's chest, digging his fingers in a little bit.

It's ok honey, this is the best way for me to read women. And you're coming in loud and clear!

You are an acordian. Pump me, finger me, squeeze and stretch me. I still sound fucking good!

Wow, you minx!!! This is by far the strongest positive reading I've gotten! I hope you don't destroy any men's hopes and dreams on the walk home!

Watches in awe as Alabama stands up and walks away, shaking her butt just a little more than before.

Waves his arms at Monet, taking his money before deciding to put on a little show with him

Hmmmmm I think for this reading I'll get a little creative. It doesn't always come out exactly clear, but I need to work on my methods.

Now come over here and get on your hands and knees.

Leads Monet over to a couple of padded cushions and gets him into position.

Ok people, here we go!

Bends over and presses on the old man's back, hearing it creak and crack, putting his head right in the small of Monet's back, listening.

This will take a little longer...

Cracks his own back while Monet's shifts and bends, hearing Monet gasp.

There it is!

You are the tuba. Exactly what you expect from a heavyweight you're blowing into.

Huh, well...not really sure if it means that literally or figuratively...but I think it's pretty good!

Helps the old man back to his feet, taking his cane and watching him walk away without it.