Like a deranged animal guarding a malevolent master (do NOT think of Tutte and LonelyWolf), @D0m1n1c prowls the Streets of Detroit, supposedly safe in the knowledge that the threats and slander he rained down upon the late, great HeadCoach have been forgotten about.

D0m1n1c has a deliberatey complex name so that newspaper owners like myself have difficulties in condemning him in print.  Even though this is a speech, I am here to say NO to him.  NEVER.

D0m1n1c opened a gunshop despite having absolutely no authority to do so.  He did it and then threated me, an associate of Smigly, with death.  What would Hobbs think? 

I say to him - do your worst, D0m1n1c, for if you continue down this path then I will write for you a LIVING EULOGY.  And whilst I might die for doing so, I probably won't.  Consider that a full 100% of those that I have written living eulogies for died shortly afterwards.

D0m1n1c - you are on notice.  Shut your stupid gunshop (NOT an analogy) and retire all of your Detroit businesses.

And what are you doing in Detroit, anyway?  You were allowed to leave that fine city having written to numerous members of said city informing them that you were leaving and asking for permission.

Well, D0m1n1c, I have news for you.  HeadCoach granted you permission and then, for the simple joy of it, my grandfather gave to you a series of bafflingly stupid instructions.  D0m1n1c, there was no need for the follow up telegrams that you posted.  I asked you to send them to hotheads in Detroit, for no other reason than humour.

But you've got the last laugh, haven't you D0m1n1c?  Because the whole city of Detroit that you fled from is head an you're alive.

But know this, D0m1n1c, you contemptible lickspittle, if you threaten me, or any other associate of my city, or any other official who arrives to close down your gunshop, you will know what it is like to be subject to a living eulogy.

And I don't think you'd like it, my friend.  I don't think you'd like it one little bit.  If you think sending telegrams to random people in Detroit explaining your disdain for mafia basketball was hard, wait until you see what it's like convincing people that you aren't about to die because a eulogy has been written for you.

One final time, D0m1n1c.  CLOSE you gunshop, or send me $12m.

Well, the plot thickens! 

A Godfather Chairman from Summerlin, Las Vegas, who asked to remain anonymous, had this to say about the continuing D0m3n1c crisis:

"I've already recognised D0m3n1c as my rival in taking on the mantle of Mafia Basketball. I am watching him like a socially awkward guy with poo shame watches a toilet door for an opening to defecate without anyone knowing." 

"As a man with a similar interest in holding the reins of power for Mafia Basketball I don't know whether to be concerned about this latest news. It's quite possible I said it myself, but it's also quite possible that my friend Spacepole is also a lover of balls and wishes to hold the future of the sport in his hands. Troubling, very troubling."

Hobbs was about to walk away when he stopped himself and turned back.

"John, I'd have a lot more respect than the zero respect I have for you now if you could at least pronounce D0m3n1c's name properly. The poor fella has been through enough without his name being dragged through the mud. Now as for the great man himself? One must admire both his entrepreneurial spirit and his survival prowess in being the survivor of two great cities. I predict more acclaim will follow him where ever he chooses to set his hat next."

John_Fareham I feel like these are empty threats. D0m3n1c is a survivor, there is no way he can be taken down. Knowing this is how he was able to open up shop without the correct permits. He is the cockroach of the Mafia world, able to survive wars and move on to the next city. He will outlive me, you and any living eulogy you are able to write. He is the one constant in this world. After all is settled and this world is turned to ashes, D0m3n1c will rise to take his rightful place. 

Also don't send others to bribe me on your behalf. I am an upstanding and honourable citizen and will not be swayed so easily. 

Also Hobbs if you love basketball so much can you please come and retrieve the numerous amount of balls from the roof of the Detroit Public Library, they're making the place look like a dump. 

"Last time we discussed The future of mafia basketball I put forth the idea of D0m3n1c being somewhat of an undercover basketball operative planted by HeadCoach a long time ago to preserve traditions in case of his demise. His most recent outing in his newly opened gun shop in Detroit however has forced me to reconsider my position. I quote:"

John, HeadCoach is dead and buried a long time ago. Whatever power he had is now gone.

"Would a faithful adherent of the Church of HeadCoach be saying such things, even when undercover? Probably not. Even when deeply undercover I doubt that such blasphemy against the Girth God would fly."

"My new theory is this: Though D0m3n1c once started out as the Undercover Basketball Phoenix, which according to an ancient prophecy written on the walls of the 12th Street Public Toilets in magic marker was to spearhead the revival of Mafia-Basketball, he has since become so immersed in his cover of basketball-hater extraordinaire that he has started to actually believe his words and has forgotten his initial sacred mission placed on him by the Buddha of The Ball."

"The false persona has come to absorb the real one. The Basketball-Phoenix has performed self-immolation (not of thought). A modern tragedy if you will."

"This is getting so incredibly complex I am starting to get lost, I can't see The Forest for the tree(beard)s anymore. May my protector Lady Luck save me before I go completely and utterly insane."

D0m3n1c walked into the news station and found a reporter. She recognized him instantly due to his reputation. He said, "I would like to make a statement regarding the article that was written about me". She quickly grabbed a pen and notepad and told him that she was ready. 

"To all basketball lovers of Detroit! Spacepole, Hobbs, @John-Fareham. Know this. I had the utmost respect for HeadCoach when he was alive. When I said he power was long gone, I was right. He may still have family around and survivors from his old crew who moved on and started their own families, but his tight reign on Detroit where everything was basketball is gone. The main reason I left HeadCoach was I didn't want to talk about basketball 24/7. Second, as I mentioned before, he gave me permission. In this life, as long as I have permission to leave then I can leave. Nothing can change that. I am free and clear of all responsibilities. In addition, my current crew is based here in Detroit, so if I want to open up legit businesses here then I will do so. 

Let me be clear. @John-Fareham My associates may have had their guns on you when you verbally assaulted me in my own shop but they did not shoot you on my command. I have been around long enough to know and understand the rules of this thing of ours very well. I do not shoot protected members of our esteemed families without permission. Just know, if you piss off the uppers of any crew with your slandering of their respected and made members who then call for your death,then I will be the first one to hunt you down. Otherwise, your empty threats mean nothing. If you burn down my shops then I will rebuild. Over and over again. 

D0m then walked out of the news station, got into his limo and headed back to his safehouse. 

"I question the wisdom of any who respected HeadCoach alive or dead. Though Obviously I will not speak ill of the dead, it has to be said that whilst alive he was a less than impressive specimen, smelt of rotten fish and had genuinely no redeeming features. Of course I would not say describe him that way now he's dead as that would be extremely rude, and the kind of thing a Tyrant of Thummerlin would do.

Other than that D0m3n1c I can understand where you're coming from. Would it be acceptable do you think for you as the last surviving member of Headcoach's JFMAST, as the 'Undercover Basketball Phoenix' to declare me the heir to Mafia Basketball, to do to it as I see fit, in sickness and in health for as long as we both shall live?"

"D0m3n1c I would hesitate to trust the gargantuan obelisk known as Hobbs with anything as sacred as mafia Basketball. He is like a tale from old, a duplicitous specimen who will try every underhanded trick in the book to get what he wants. He is aiming to flatter you in order to win from you that which is most sacred. Recently he has taken to insulting me for saving us from RATs dying out too early.  Although he is right about HeadCoach smelling of rotten flesh. I still catch whiffs of it walking through Detroit to this day. Or maybe that's the bacon I had for breakfast last week that got stuck in my wig. "

"If you do give him it at least make sure he pays you with a percentage of ticket sales and royalties every time someone uses the word Basketball™ in these here streets"

D0m3n1c listened to Hobbs and Justice and replied, "Hobbs, I am sorry I do not see myself as the last surviving members of Headcoach's legacy so I cannot in good conscience declare you heir to basketball. However, if you do start something, I would like 15% of total ticket sales. Thank you Justice for your input."

"D0m3n1c, I appreciate and respect your sense of business by securing 15% of all future Basketball™ revenue from Hobbs (despite fortfeiting your destiny as the legendary Undercover Basketball Phoenix). I tip my hat to this financial power-play and am afraid that a tax might be imposed on my recently opened 12th Street Public Exclusion Zone Tours next. This of course would be fair play and completely lawful (for which I'm therefore sure Justice would approve of it) since I am but a lowly visitor to Detroit and not a resident."

"John_Fareham, D0m3n1c has disavowed the Basketball™ lifestyle so I don't think what you proposed is in order. I don't get why you are even asking me, as I'm just a random bystander and not an authority on anything Basketball™ related anyways as a Las Vegetable Peace Pervert (despite the fact that Hobbs whispers into everyone's ears that I'm a Basketball™ sympathiser for some arcane reason)."

"All this aside, a new question is now burning on my mind following the most recent developments: Given that D0m3n1c has abdicated himself from 'The heir of Mafia-Basketball™', who is the current heir? Surely it's not Hobbs despite him trying to usurp the Basketball™-throne."

"Void, has your perverted brain melted? Have you forgotten the history on which the foundations of Las Vegas are founded on? In the days of Giorgio Esposito and Climax there were only three rules that mattered: brush your teeth, carrots are orange and ball games are banned. Now we are in a new era of prosperity teeth no longer matter, carrots are still orange but ball games are no longer banned. If I can cast your mind back to the day Headcoach took the mantle of Godfather Coachman and died mere hours later without putting up any fight:

Headcoach, congratulations. I am genuinely happy to see you here today as a 350 pound gorilla of a man one steak sandwich away from a coronary heart attack. Your jersey suit looks fantastic. Please visit Summerlin at your earliest convenience. In honour of your ascension from Not-Godfather to Godfather I think it's high time we let bygones be bygones and allow the great sport of Mafia Basketball to recommence in the city

-Hobbs, Prince of Summerlin, Aug 19

"I formed my own team, and was seconded mere minutes later by the great Gerald making it official."

Unfair advantages due to genetic mutation be damned, I'm taking part in this basketball match. If I catch you in the paint, make sure you're wearing your armor because when I post up I don't only hook shots, but also arms, legs, and necks. Hobbs and I will almost certainly arise victorious from this exhibition; if you were a betting man, you should bet on it. 

-@Geralt, Genetic Freak, Aug 19.

 "Setting aside Geralt's clear fashion choice disadvantages and appalling hair choices for a game of 'ball, you can see here that at the time of the Coachfather's death I had formed the only other Mafia Basketball team in the country, and therefore inherit the position by default. If rotting walrus sized corpses could talk I'm sure Headcoach would back me up and concur with all of the above, especially the part where I said he died feebly."

Victoria nodded along while Hobbs spoke, giving off the appearance of paying attention fully to the Godfather, while also understanding everything that was being said and expressed publically, which she absolutely did and she did completely appreciate the man coming with examples to prove his points rather than just talking for the sake of talking, which was something she was very much against and would never do that, not her no sir no way - Victoria was one who believed in speaking when you had something important and poignent to say to the masses. 

"I can confirm the validity of the ban being lifted in Las Vegas, based on Indiana-Jones being locked away in the bathroom for hours on end making strange noises I had only previously heard at the 12th street bathroom." Victoria said, before laughing loudly and quite possibly manicly, looking around wide eyed to see if anyone else appreciated her joke. 

Even if they didn't she made herself laugh, and that was all she really cared about. 

"Hobbs, has my brain melted? You make this accusation, then bring up a completely irrelevant piece of history about 3 rules (which is in no way related to your argument) and then proceed to quote almost as many articles through references as the late BBB did in his debut hitpiece.

All I see in you is a pretender for the porcelain mafia basketball throne, I will not stand for seeing your library-frequenting form descrate the still fresh corpse of Mafia-Basketball, no, I think what we have before us is a basketball succession crisis, which can only be resolved by either:

• The Holy Spirit of HeadCoach somehow taking posession of another man's body, though personally I doubt there is any living human specimen with the muscle and bodymass required to be able to house said girthy spirit.
• Another undercover basketball operative is found (not D0m3n1c since he has disavowed it) who can carry on the tradition.
• A new legitimate heir being elected by a board of basketball-electorates from all across the 6 cities.
• The title is abandoned, and the streets will face a dark age unlike anything we have ever seen before.

We are at a pivotal point in history. Will the basketball deflate or will it continue to bounce?"