Hello good folks, my name is CalJacobs and I head the construction unions locally and nationally for the mafia.  We are budgeted for events, and with Halloween quickly approaching, our union decided to put those funds towards a costume party.  The party will be held in New York, but mobsters from all cities are welcome to join.  There will be food, dance, drink, and merriment with only two requirements.  The first requirement is you must come in costume, and the second is to HAVE FUN!!!

There will be a cash prize of 1 million dollars to the best costume, judged by myself and various other union officials (I am the only union official at this time but please let me know if you have interest in joining because I need the help).  Come dressed as whatever you would like, so long as it does not go against any of the rules of what is acceptable set forth by City Hall (we do not want government officials taking too close a look at the illegal affairs going on within what is supposed to be a legitimate labor union).

I scouted many locations here in New York to host this gala, and decided what better a place to host a party for the spookiest holiday of the year than The New York Marble Cemetery located here in the New York Business District.  I ask that while you all do enjoy yourselves to please be mindful and respectful to any mourners that may be in attendance.  

Being that the cemetery is very dark, you must describe your own costume as descriptively as possible since it will be difficult for the judges to see you.  The party will be held tomorrow (October 28) and the prize will be handed out sometime shortly after, most likely after the weekend. 

So come on out, it will be a GHASTLY good time!!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Or is it?  The New York Cemetary started off small, and then a man bearing an uncanny resemblance to Ubercorn started a writing competition.  So many died that it had to grow.  The number of graves quadrupled during the timespan of a single badly run writing competition.  The graveyard had been there for over a thousand years, in one form or another, and was only a quarter, or a fifth (I am not very good at maths) of the size it was pre writing competition.  There was a run on granite and marble, so many people had their graves marked with a strange concoction of oats, nuts, bran, formed into a type of paste with milk, and then fashioned into headstones.  It was a terrible time.

THE FAREHAM WAR

But a special headstone was constructed for a man named LostBoy, who was shot and killed in disputed circumstances by unknown gunmen.  In a shocking turn of events, two well-known members of our society awarded LostBoy's son enough loot to build a stunning headstone. 

In a tribute to LostBoy, I am wearing a granite replica of that headstone, which is why I am stationary here, where I stand.

As is widely known, the cemetery doubled in size following the Fareham War, which killed literally everybody, except D0m1n1c, who inexplicably remains alive.

In a tribute to the late John Fareham, a joke is carved in every headstone, so that we may remember what might have started that war.

Only one of the Fareham War dead is not buried in the NYC, and that is Weezer, who remains the only allied pro-wacker to be accidently killed.  The American Miliary were so impressed with this achievement of the Farehamites that they took Weezer away to examine him and buried him in Arlington.

I am dressed as a granite headstone.

Please send me money.

Baring his fangs, Alucard walks into the NY city hall with a smile.

"I might have to come back with a better coat"

He feels turned away but then realizes how inclusive this costume party is.

Godfather Alucard, it is an inclusive event indeed and all are encouraged to attend. Your presence at the party would be most welcome.  It is today in fact.  But with all due respect, I hope you do not think that your esteemed rank gives you an advantage in the costume party!  Everyone has an equal chance of winning regardless of stature, it really depends solely on the participants creativity and description.  I hope to see you there Godfather, and please encourage others to come too!