ℍ𝔼ℝ𝔸𝕃𝔻 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕌ℕ𝔻𝔼ℝ𝕎𝕆ℝ𝕃𝔻

USA • Wednesday, November 2nd • Vol 2, No. 1

Leading member of Brick Town, Detroit , crime organisation killed (Heston)!

Yesterday, a close associate of Detroit crime boss Zoom named Heston was shot and killed by a member of an as yes unidentified group which has emerged to prosecute what they term a "war" against Detroit.  Details are sketchy at present, but we will report more as and when we know.  A claim of responsibility was issued linking this murder to the controversial payment of $8m, $7m of which remains unaccounted for, and could be linked to the mysterious murder some time ago of a man named LostBoy. 

Rumours of Kuku's Death have Been Greatly Exaggerated

Ridiculous buffoon Outlast claimed that the man known as Kuku was dead.  Our sources say that some within City Hall intervened to confirm that Kuku was alive and well.  We (genuinely) hope that this puts this rumour to bed.

Squad of Kuku/Fareham Imitators Take to the Streets; Shoot people, enter competitions, baffle Leaders

Mr-Kuku; LiquidFareham; John_Kukham, and many others have claimed to be Kuku's or Fareham's.  To be clear, these individuals are not engaged in any duplicitous "cloning" which would earn them City Hall interventions, they are simply individuals who mimic the demeanour and actions of the celebrated Kuku and Fareham lineages.  

This newspaper contacted them all, but only one responded.  His response has been lost, as our journalist was killed in a peripheral act of violence.  Rumours abound the TheChef, DigitalVagabond, and DouglasBader also died somehow related to this grouping emerging.

Teamsters Paralyze New York Cemeteries Over Prize Money Debacle

CalJacobs roared into our consciousnesses with well attended speeches, and then launched a Halloween Costume Competition.  The Competition turned into a debacle, with the prize money being awarded to a non-entrant, and then the winner, Revolver-Ocelot, returned said prize to the organizer.

A picket is in place, and millions of dollars are being sent, and sent back, as officials try to understand what has happened.

The Competition Commission should intervene, but many of its operatives have been killed.  

Zoom and Ubercorn: Why the Silence?

These two are believed to hold the key to unlocking a number of secrets: Why is Lost Boy on the lips of so many assassins?  Does Zoom owe anyone $7m?  What, if anything, links Heston, TheBeast, Outkast, the Kuku/Fareham's, and unlaunched competitions?

So many questions.  So few answers.

In other news...

Several high-profile leaders and cities were wiped out.  

That's All For Issue I!!  Please Leave me Money and Tips!!

TheBeast steps up and says: "The Real Kuku would know the answers to all of these questions. You aren't him, stop pretending, son"

This is the type of quality journalism that we need more of.

In a world of half-truths and nefarious plots crafted by friend and foe alike it is only through reputable NEWSPAPERS that we can make up our minds.

The story of the orphaned prize money hits particularly close to home.

After having sent the money to the rightful winner many times, and finding it back on my doorstep every time, I have decided to give it to a non-entrant.

I DONATE IT TO THE HERALD OF THE UNDERWORLD

Do not send it back.

If you do not want it send it to RevolverOcelot instead.

Outkast dead! 

picking up a newspaper Orazio_Udinese started reading. there was good information to be found in newspapers. checking the horse racing bets Orazio_Udinese was upset to see his price racehorse was not doing good. but that was a risk with horseracing and gambling.

reading the poriton about other families dying Orazio_Udinese was confused how was there not more to tell about this it was big big news.

do we know how peole died? Orazio_Udinese asked

On the way to HQ, Hiro picked up a copy of the "Herald of the Underworld' from the newsstand.

"It's been a while since I read the papers, this is probably going  to be a good read."

Judging by front page, Hiro wished to see more of this published. He then continued his walk to HQ.