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Nov 30 - 06:15:47
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Herald of the Underworld: Vol 2, Issue 2 Started by: Wellerman on Nov 08, '22 15:46

After a long day of hauling crates and cargo on the docks, Wellerman was relieved to finally be able to punch out. The life of a dock worker wasn't easy, and with an aching body all the man wanted was a warm fire, a cold beer and perhaps some conversation. Trudging along the streets, hands in his pocket the man pondered life. The Construction Rackets and Labor Union Affairs had been going well and Wellerman was pleased to have found some likeminded individuals who stood for the working class such as himself. 

While waiting to cross the street Wellerman happened to glance down and noticed a strange parcel wrapped in plain brown paper and tied with twine to protect it. It was the kind of knot that that Wellerman had seen a thousand times in his life, and he appreciated the skill of whomever had crafted this. With a protest from his knees, the dockworker knelt down and untied the package and then quickly realized what it was he was looking at. 

"Whale oil beef hooked, I heard legend that the paper would live on." Wellerman thought to himself, "It would be a shame if these words of wisdom weren't shared with the world." Wellerman picked up the package, making sure to handle it with the care it deserved and headed to the nearest printers. 



USA • Tuesday, November 8th • Vol 2, No. 2



Outspoken Factotum, RevolverOcelot, Disputes Ownership of Bar, Refuses Prize Money, Suddenly SHOOTS Himself in the FACE!


The entire respective worlds of organized crime, competitive writing, licensed trade, funeral services and related supply chains, and union relations today are shocked at the death by self.-inflicted gunshot wound of REVOLVEROCELOT.

Ocelot, who owns, or appeared to own, a string of businesses in New York, and elsewhere, came to prominence when he won a Halloween costume competition.  Shunning the top prize ($1m) which had been awarded by top union official CalJacobs, Ocelot got into a series of protracted negotiations, refusing and repaying the awarded prize money.  A team of auditors are trying to tease out just where the money ended up, but it isn't clear.   Jacobs picketed the cemetery in a bid to make Ocelot accept the prize money in a tense stand-off, before reclaiming it shortly after Ocelot's death, and is repurposing it as a children's slides.

The Herald of the Underworld believes that this is what he would have wanted.

Similarly, Ocelot came into dispute with various mob figures over who owned Josie's Bar in New York City.  Josie's had been owed by slain mobster Matt_Murdock.  Matt was killed some time ago for reasons that can't be recalled.  Ocelot had claimed the bar as his own, which was disputed by failed gunman MrKuku-.  With Ocelot and Kuku dead, LiquidFareham has taken control of Josie's, and has renamed it the John Fareham Memorial Bar.


Outspoken outcast Outkast shot dead!


Ridiculous buffoon Outkast has been killed.  Details are scarce, but it is believed to be related to his calling CLs stupid, and offering bounties for the deaths of connected mob associates. The last time the man was seen in public he was drinking from a bottle in a paper bag while Basketcase followed him around the coffee shop pleading for him to just go to bed like a good little right hand. Unlikely it is related to his death though. 


Ubercorn Dead!  LostBoy descended returns!


Ubercorn shot himself in the face.  Nobody knows why.  We contacted all crew leaders, but not once seemed to care.  Lineage friend of Ubercorn, a man of the LostBoy lineage, has been noted.  Countless mobsters have died because, or despite, of LostBoy.


From the desk of MrKuku-

"Damn, I sure wish I learned to read." 

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After enjoying the first copy he bought at the local newsstand the other day, Hiro wanted more. And so he decided to head to the newsstand again after he robbed the local post office, hoping another issue had been published.

Arriving at the newsstand, Hiro was glad to see that another issue was indeed published. He flipped a quarter towards the stand-holder and grabbed a copy, then went on his way to find some place quiet to enjoy the paper.

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Early mornings were difficult for HaroldBogtrotter due to his age, and some of his past injuries. The winter seemed to exacerbate them as well. From stiff-joints, aching back and an perpetually congested sinus-system, HaroldBogtrotter was feeling every bit of his years this morning. But that did not stop him, although it did make him slightly more irritable for the time being. 

With a very non-commital grunt, HaroldBogtrotter took the paper from the small waif selling them on the corner and handed over a few coins in exchange for it. "Thank you." HaroldBogtrotter said before tucking the paper away under his arm. 

He wouldn't get a chance to read it right away, but later when it was his time to sit upon the throne earning money while defecating, well that would be the perfect time and place to read over the latest news of the world. 

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Some time has passed and after reading Issue #2, Hiro is exited to read the next issue.
He can't help to wonder when it will be released.
He had gone by the local newsstand several times now, every time he was disappointed that it wasn't yet released.

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@Hiro_Makamura I do believe that a new issue will be imminent, it's just something we'll have to wait on.  Certainly a fabulous read.

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I've been keeping my eyes on the ocean. Just waiting for another message in a bottle to show up. I choose to believe that we will get another issue one day. Maybe even in the near future as, the not at all suspicious, NotAKillerISwear said. 

There is clearly a lot of support and want for such high caliber writing.  

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Wellerman I can assure you that any type of writing, as high caliber as this or not, is always most welcome.  Often it can be the point of tension within these streets, but how else should there be discussion without other ideas and thoughts?

In regards my name, my father was very much a man of simplistic ideas and liked to very much cut to the chase.   He had I, NAK, and my little brother, NotAMurdererISwear.  He was very specific on these points and his goals for us in the future.  But what could you expect from a man called DontLickLightSockets?  A wise name for wise advice.

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I for one am most excited about the next issue of The Herald of The Underworld. I agree to the fullest with Wellerman and expect, nay, DEMAND us to get a new edition soon.

Without The Herald to guide us as a beacon in this murky street climate, we are doomed to systematically immolate our thoughts for eternity.




Take the name of TheBeast's crew for example "The Asylum". Before his ascension to CL'dom there was already a crew called "The Insane Asylum" headed by Armageddon. Clearly a symptom of systematically immolated thoughts.

Armageddon, I might add, scandallously disowned me when I was but a wee thug, a trauma I have not yet fully gotten over and has left me with abandonment issues (if you doubt me, ask FrenchieHorn). Disowning Farehams is also a very systematically immolated thought.


Save us Wellerman, find that sealed bottle on the sandy and not at all disgusting beaches of Philadelphia. If you don't, I am afraid we shall have a third crew with some reference to an Asylum soon.

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Perhaps, if I may be so bold, it would be worth someone with the political clout like you LiquidFareham working directly with Wellerman to help ensure that the next paper does come out as expected and, dare I say it?  Hoped.

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Remind me to make a note for the next crew leader on these shores to have some reference to an Asylum; I’m sure Armageddon will have a good laugh over it all.

We’ve got the “Insane” asylum, so there’s your negative connotation, the “Asylum”, your neutral connotation, now we just need a “Sane” asylum or something better to toy around with it all. Y’know, have some fun.

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