ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕌ℕ𝔻𝔼ℝ𝕎𝕆ℝ𝕃𝔻

Special edition: The tragedy of rocky, and On the safety of Journalists

USA • Thursday, December 29th• Vol 1, No. 1

The Tragedy of rocky: Local mobster done to death, son comes to claim inheritance

THE FACTS

This morning a mobster by the name of @rocky_bhain died under mysterious circumstances. It was quickly detemined that his death is a murder, the motive for said murder is currently unknown.

Though the culprit is not yet identified, witnesses claim to have seen the following:

Dec 29, 10:23:02

You witnessed ya*c*pm*on WACK rocky_bhai

THE SPECULATION

There has been much speculation as to why rocky was killed, our reporter who happened to overhear a heated conversation in a local coffee-shop picked up on the following:

* ALLEGEDLY the late rocky vandalised HQs around the country
* ALLEGEDLY rocky's offspring is a man with dangerous ambitions
* ALLEGEDLY rocky's offspring threathened multiple people in an as of yet unidentified language
* ALLEGEDLY rocky did not pay his taxes (more on this later)
* There is also speculation that rocky is the reincarnation of Jerome

Do you not believe 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻? Here is a transcription of some choice lines from the coffee-shop conversation, backing up all our reporters claims:

luciano_lucky - He was attacking HQs yesterday
deanman_rocky - i need one gang where i can be free for all work and gain my power

Andy_Campo - Why you have to be like that?
deanman_rocky - andy_campo beacause of you and your mader chod nuccio cl teri gand maru

deanman_rocky - they should pay my 500000$ and 10000$ tax
deanman_rocky - nuccio payment send to me
Nuccio - actually you did not pay all your taxes, so technically you - as heir of your father - owe me.
@Nuccio - @deanman_rocky lets do the maths together: 3 millions it cost me to make up for your yesterdays mistakes - the 610k you assume I owe you equals 2‘390‘000. I‘ll send you a bill. Or you can come and clean my HQ, especially the toilets.

There was also some speculation on the identity of the son of rocky:

GuybrushThreepwood - This guy is giving off total Jerome energy, have we found the reincarnation of Saint Jerome?
Wellerman - Is rocky the mystery Tipster from yesterday?

THE REVERSE-TAX INHERITANCE CLAIM

In a surprising turn of events, the son of @rocky_bhain, called deanman_rocky, has made an appearance to avenge his father and claim what is his by right.

deanman_rocky claims that because his father was done to death, whilst he generously paid taxes to Nuccio and did absolutely nothing wrong, he should be reimbursed with the tax money. Nuccio instead claims that rocky did not pay his taxes at all.

The exact amount claimed is unclear, the son of rocky at one point claimed it was $600,000, then at another moment claimed it to be $610,000. In all accounts he referred to it as a "killing penalty", and insisted that it be paid to him immediately.

Nuccio claims that instead of owing the son of rocky the massive sum of $600,000, the son of rocky owes him $2,390,000 for the damages that his father incurred in his destructive wake.

The son of rocky then continued to make threats stating that if he is not paid his reverse-tax inheritance, that he will employ his underground network of hoodlums to ceaselessly attack the real estate of Nuccio until he is paid what he is owed.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?

𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 will continue to closely follow the developments of this intriguing story.

We are also starting a fundraiser to pay off the son of rocky, to make sure no real-estate property of Nuccio will be vandalised. 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 always advocates for peaceful solutions, the first settlement payment has already been made out.

On the safety of Journalists

Only days ago we saw another up-and-coming Journalist, Fareham (also known as "Fake Fareham", not to be confused with LiquidFareham (also known as "Fareham")) get murdered for a journalistic publication he made.

This is but one of many Journalists being murdered for their publications, journalism is a dangerous occupation. We speculate that this is also why there are so few newspapers out there. LiquidFareham is aware that, by publishing 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻, he is putting his head on the chopping block.

𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 wishes that it be known that murdering courageous Journalists for their publications is an act against the Free Press. If the safety of Journalists continues to be jeopardised, the masses will be left with no newspapers whatsoever.

What else will we then read atop the porcelain thrones of the 12th Street Public Toilets?

This concludes this Special Edition!! Please Leave me Money and Tips!!

ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕌ℕ𝔻𝔼ℝ𝕎𝕆ℝ𝕃𝔻

Vol 1, No. 1 amendments

AN ERROR IN THE NAME OF THE DECEASED

In the original article the deceased is listed as being named "rocky_bhain", whilst the name in reality was "rocky_bhai". For this we apologise to deanman_rocky, no offence was intended.

The incompetent reporter and editors who failed to see this obvious mistake have been fired.

AN ATTEMPTED BRIBERY

Shortly after publishing the article, a HIGH-RANKED MOBSTER IN AN ESTEEMED POSITION contacted the editor of 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 in an attempt to bribe them with money to publish additional information favoring their position on the issue.

𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 strongly condemns any and all attempts at bribing the Free Press, and would never let the purity of its voice be tainted by potential monetary gain. The money has been added to the Rocky Reimbursement Fund to spite the briber (whose name 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 shall not disclose).

PICK A SIDE

Seeing how this is shaping up to be a hotly debated topic, capturing the hearts and interest of many mobsters, we are now giving out pins to be clamped to your suit, to show what side of the issue you are on:

TEAM ROCKY
Pay rocky's son what he is owed!

TEAM NUCCIO
Those forts were expensive.

Guybrush had been busy following the 5 D's of Dodge ball to avoid the death pellets released by vile automatons in the direction of his entourage. Unlike his father, he had killed precisely 0 allied bodyguards & did not deserve such rough treatment.

He had been depressed following the exploding of The John Fareham All Star Band ^Tm Head Quarters & was still mourning the loss of his beloved Thermin in said explosion. No one had compensated him for the $17 value of said instrument or his losses from his DFP falling out of favour with the law.

Still life goes on & following a HeadCoach sized portion of Christmas dinner & circa 28 Turkey sandwiches consumed on boxing day Guybrush had to take a shit. He followed his nose to the 12th Street Public Bathroom, collecting The Harold of the underworld for reading materials to use while dropping the kids off to the briney deep.

"This Rocky is some boy but alas is not the son of the late GREAT Jerome. I have a theory on the mans lineage! We all fondly remember a rotund figure from Mafia Basketball Detroit, who while often could be found washing jock straps when not being distracted by FrenchieHorn during boxing bouts. The man I speak of is of course @Grin-22"

The crowd in the 12th Street Public bathroom were initially perturbed to hear Guybrush talking to himself while trying to push out a 15lb protein baby let out a collective GASP.

"Thats right friends, Grin-22, who also had a well publicised dispute with the leader of Mafia Basketball Detroit (No not BricktownCL) HeadCoach relating to a $14 million outstanding crew tax balance"  

The crowd goes wild as Guybrush lets out a victorious grunt & stands to wipe.

"Also it shoud be noted that I am firmly in the TEAM ROCKY Camp. Everyone knows a killing penalty makes perfect sense & if we still had a StreetReferee this would have been cleared up ages ago. Dam the fiend who made that guy walk the plank."

THE PEOPLE DEMAND ANSWERS

Our are rights under attack? Or is this all a ploy to bury the Anti-Fareham sentiment that we've seen on the rise. As we all know Anti-Farehamism has a renewed growth following the tragic murder accident resulting in the death of young Fareham. Could this be a Fareham agent under an assumed name attempting to draw ire away from the Fareham line? 

COLLUSION?

Is LiquidFareham and Rocky working together? Early reports show large sums of money being transferred to the Rocky team from the infamous Fareham accounts. Have the Farehams gone too far this time? 

THESE ARE THE QUESTIONS WE NEED ANSWERS TO! 

LiquidFareham. Son, are you on smokeable cocaine?

Rocky_Bhai is clearly a descendant of Rocky who was murdered by Chris_Vaughn'grandad to cover up for his own killing of Lost BOY.  ROCKY WAS ONE OF THE FIRST to die in the bloody writing competition that saw scores die not so long ago. 

The Rock thinks you have been smoking horse hair Twiggy. The Rock's Granddaddy wasn't involved in Organised crime, but the great One's Grand mother was, briefly. Mooseknuckle was her name. If you can't get even the most basic of facts correct, why would anyone believe any thing that came out of the excrement covered orifice you call a mouth?

A ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕌ℕ𝔻𝔼ℝ𝕎𝕆ℝ𝕃𝔻 UPDATE

News moves quickly, and so does 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻.

HEATED PRIVATE DISCUSSIONS, YET NO PUBLIC APPEARANCES

Many more heated words were exchanged in the local coffee shops throughout the day. Despite these conversations however, not a single involved party has publically stepped forward to discuss their side of the story today.

We invite all involved parties (Nuccio, Andy_Campo, puspa_king, IANYU) to share their perspective on the events that transpired.

ROCKY'S SON ATTEMPTS TO SWINDLE FUNDRAISER

As mentioned 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 is holding a fundraiser, when we asked the son of rocky how much he still needed (after our initial payment of 500k) to cover the reverse-tax inheritance money, they made an attempt to scam us.

We have done the math (as have many others today), he would have needed an additional 110k, but tried to get a million dollars from us instead. A confusing scheme involving an interest rate was mentioned, but we're not good enough at math to follow it.

ROCKY'S SON DIES UNDER MYSTERIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES

rocky's grandson related how his father was asked to come to philadelphia to follow some sort of training program by an unknown benefactor. Then when they arrived in philly, they got lured into an alley on promise of the training program being held there, and were shot in the head.

The culprit is as of yet unknown, but there are several suspects. Most prominently Tutte as he was suspiciously quick to express happiness at seeing rocky's son be wheeled off to the morgue.

ROCKY'S GRANDSON DIES UNDER MYSTERIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES

rocky's grandson enters the stage.
rocky's grandson is struck by lightning.
rocky's grandson exits the stage.

A COMMENT FROM THE EDITOR

Twiggy made allegations as to rocky's true familial identity, Chris_Vaughn rejected the claim without adding any factual substance to his rejection and only pelted insults.

The editor is inclined to believe Twiggy, but will continue to monitor the situation for further developments.

The editor would also like to request whoever tipped Chris_Vaughn to direct the money to 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕌ℕ𝔻𝔼ℝ𝕎𝕆ℝ𝕃𝔻 instead.

This concludes this Update!! Please Leave me Money and Tips!!

Ian has been too busy dealing with a fool so he hasn't been able to know whatever is going on around. Now that he is finally free, he takes up a copy of the latest newspaper and reads it. He almost chokes on his coffee when he sees his name in the paper. 

While trying to forget all that happened today, he instead finds more on it in the paper he is reading. He puts it down after reading and sighs. 

"They should recheck the facts before publishing the paper," he thinks. 

LiquidFareham are you going to report on how Vidal stopped helping PH with their problems to help NY?

Vidal?  For like VidalDoJackForPH.

And he's planning to shoot me

Also, Sandor is going to be killed or demoted 

Twiggy - those 2 alleged things would be unrelated to the topics of this special edition of 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻.

I have yet to have my vast, girthy network of journalists investigate those claims.

They are presently still occupied with the rocky tragedy, which from what we have heard in coffee shops today may reach a shocking conclusion if the reverse-tax inheritance that deanman_rocky claimed is not paid to their offspring by 11:30 tomorrow morning.

Hiro buys a copy of the Harold, then went to a nearby coffeeshop to have a read.

"Let's see what's in the news today."

After taking a sip of his coffee, he unfolds the paper and starts reading.

Hiro_nakamura - I've seen you pick up and read newspapers many a time now.

Do you have any insightful commentary or opinions to share on the tragedy of rocky?

Whose side are you on in this dispute?

Also what is your opinion on the recent rumours surrounding JamesBaxter?

I HAVE MANY QUESTIONS

LiquidFareham, I have nothing to do with whatever this mess is. Not sure why you feel the need to drag me into this. Best of luck to you but leave me out of it.

Twiggy was correct about Sandor

Who, we must ask:

TOLD TWUGGY ABOUT SANDOR?

Another up-and-coming journalist killed for asking questions.

Was it a dangerous question? Did it have the potential to cause a public scandal?

Who was TWUGGY?

I HAVE MANY QUESTIONS

Journalist? 

Looks around

what journalist?

Surely we not referring to these grifters with big kissers, if anything they got off easy.

They will talk about acts against the Free Press, but we aren't the feds in this cosa nostra.

Coming to our streets with accusations and no buttons, will grant you a long sleep nothing more.