ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕌ℕ𝔻𝔼ℝ𝕎𝕆ℝ𝕃𝔻

Special edition: The Trial and Death of Bigil

USA • Friday, January 6th • Vol I, No. 2

A week ago 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 released a special (and it very first) publication, reporting on "The tragedy of rocky". This week 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 was initially going to cover many other, less significant topics but due to the EXTREME volume of developments we've instead decided to dedicate this entire issue to rocky's lineage (or bigil, or the_drugleader_rolex) as well.

LET US DIVE RIGHT INTO IT

The aftermath of the threats of rocky

Shortly after our last report, a new heir to rocky_bhai's reverse-tax inheritance appeared, named the_drugleader_rolex.

The 24-hour deadline for paying back the reverse-tax inheritance money passed, yet our witness did not recall getting word of forts being mysteriously vandalised as was promised.

LiquidFareham
Were more hq forts shot at?

REDACTED
I wasn't aware of any HQ forts being attacked? Who was shooting at Forts?

LiquidFareham
In the past rocky's lineage (which the_drugdealer_rolex was a part of) shot at forts.
I believe the_drugdealer_rolex's father made threats of shooting at more forts.
So my question was whether those threats were acted upon.

REDACTED
Not to my knowledge. No one has reported their forts being attacked.

Yes, this was a singular witness, all other interview candidates staunchly refused to comment. Why would so many people refuse to comment on the matter?

VERY SUSPICIOUS INDEED.

We were later informed that Andy_Campo had his bodyguards shot at by an unidentified assailant, it was unknown if this was one of rocky's many underground operatives (there was speculation that as much as 35-38 operatives were enlisted):

From: Andy_Campo
Sent: Jan 02, '23 14:12
Subject:

"An unidentified assailant shot at your bodyguards! They killed a single bodyguard." - Here's a small story for the Herald.

We would also like to remind Andy_Campo that we are 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻. Please don't donate to the wrong newspaper.

the_drugleader_rolex exits

The_drugleader_rolex quickly died under mysterious circumstances, vague claims were made about lessons learnt in their funeral.

𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 asked both Isabella and Chris_Vaughn for comments on the matter in the interest of literate newspaper-reading enthousiasts but neither were willing to indulge 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻.

Rumours about rolex's romantic delusions begin to circulate.

ENTER BIGIL

Yet another grandson of rocky appears in a coffee-shop, claiming to be called bigil. bigil made a very, VERY strong entrance into this world, with the famous words:

06:23 <bigil[MR]> my lover kill me
07:02 <bigil[MR]> you loss your drug leader who give you a big profit portion now i am here for more and you loss me
07:03 <bigil[MR]> i am not losser you losser
07:05 <bigil[MR]> just now i take a huge profit from drug
07:05 <bigil[MR]> you looser

bigil stormed out of the coffee-shop, and moments later started handing out flyers in an as of yet unidentified language, making claims that were not understood by anyone.

The authorities decided bigil was disturbing the public peace and dragged him off to the (loony) bin.

BIGIL RETURNS, OR DOES HE?

bigil is released from his short stay in the bin and makes a most surprising comeback, publically announcing his lineages retirement from the life of crime.

It was a very touching oration (which also happened to confirm the previously circulating rumours about bigil's infatuation with his boss).

In the speech he swears ABSOLUTE LOYALTY to his boss, expresses lovesickness, and definitively proclaims that life is not worth living outside of The Wild Bunch, and that because his reason for living was rejected, that he is forced to retire unless given another chance.

A paraphrased version:

bigil decide to retirement from this game cause bigil girlfriend block him.....
he played here only for her ...
now she kill him and avoid him....
bigil can change his retirement if his gf isabella give him a chance to prove him self

Afterwards bigil was seen repeatedly shoving transcriptions of his speech into the hands of random passerbys.

Being forced to make another appearance after a gajillion phonecalls to the local station, the authorities dragged bigil off to the (loony) bin once more for inappropriate behaviour, this time extending the sentence.

BIGIL RETURNS (FOR REAL) AS A NEW MAN, MEETS TRAGIC FATE

Our reporters got word that during his extended stay bigil did a lot of soul searching, emerging as a new man. After his release bigil openly rejected his previous vices and instead became a devout orthodox religious figure.

Where previous bigil was not afraid to be explicit he now no longer tolerated ANY KIND OF FILTH. When bigil heard a sexually-charged joke on the radio in a coffee-shop he crossed himself and immediately demanded an apology from the owners of the establishment, stating that the radio should behave properly:

14:21 bigil - sexual harasment is not fair so please behaive properly

Then in events which are not completely clear to 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻, bigil got into a fight with the barkeep and threathened to eat him alive, referring to the barkeep under a pseudonym:

14:49 bigil - izzycreamcheese i will eat you if you attack me again

Shortly after the fight a most surprising thing occurred. In something resembling a biblical miracle, bigil spontaneously combusted (𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 speculates that cannibalism must have been an affront against The Lord or something).

It was rumored that right before bigil burst into flames, he whispered the following into the ear of a companion of his:

"Crito, we owe 500k to LiquidFareham. Pay it and do not neglect it".

And that was the last we heard of Rocky/Bigil.

This concludes this Special Edition!! Please Leave me Money and Tips!!

Andy picks up the new edition of the Harold. As he read through it, he isn't surprised of anything new related, until he spots his name mentioned. "Hmmm, so it made the news. Interesting." completely ignoring the mention that he got the papers name wrong.  As he continues to read his attention is caught by a block about some bloke spontaneously combusting after threatening the Gods. "Sounds like a fair ending of the story in my humble opinion" and with that Andy puts the paper down, pays for his coffee and leaves.

As Hiro walked by a newspaper stand, his eyes caught the paper called "The Harold".

He was confused and scratched the back his head.
"Wasn't it Herald? Or was it Harold? Huh...? I don't get it..." He mumbled.

He ended up buying a copy anyways, found himself a spot at the coffeeshop, ordered his coffee and started to read about the news.

Sunday has always been a day of rest for Polio so as he strolled down the street he decided to drop in the coffee shop.

Sitting, reading the newspaper was his friend, Hiro

Fancy bumping into you, i didn't think you were into the news, never mind The Harold and Herold. Polio queries

Anything of interest in it, or the same ramblings?

Polio ordered a coffee

What are you drinking Hiro?

As Hiro flipped the page, he noticed a friendly nod from Polio.

"Yeah, just wondering what's all going on these days. So bought the paper to read up while having some coffee.
I'm having just coffee, black.
How have you been?"

Hiro_Nakamura, time and time again I've seen you peruse the articles, but never have I heard you comment on them or pick a side. You rascal, keeping the opinions all to yourself!

You're a respected Don and The Public wishes to know, do you believe the descendants of rocky deserved their reverse-tax inheritence money? Or was he a misguided, lovesick soul?

And what is your view on the continued slaughter of Journalists around the country?

If this fence-sittery keeps up I'll be forced to interview you for the next issue.