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The Harold Vol I, No 3: Mysteries (Plumbers Interview) Started by: LiquidFareham on Jan 12, '23 21:02

ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕌ℕ𝔻𝔼ℝ𝕎𝕆ℝ𝕃𝔻

THE MYSTERY EDITION (FEATURING A SPECIAL THE PLUMBERS INTERVIEW)

USA • Thursday, January 12th• Vol 1, No. 3

 

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH THE MYSTERIOUS HEAD OF THE PLUMBERS

𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 has managed to get into contact with the head of the mysterious organisation known as "The Plumbers". We took the opportunity to arrange an interview, though it happened through written communication via a dead-drop so we don't actually know their "real" identity.

 

𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 - Thank you for allowing us this interview, what made you decide to accept it?

Head Plumber - We believe that the masses have forgotten to fear us, and do not pay us the respect we deserve. Does nobody remember the tragedy of Roman? I think it's time people do. Despite what one may think, there's still many names on the hitlist of our organisation

𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 - Though The Plumbers is certainly is not as much of a household name as it used to be, I'm sure that there are plenty of lineages that remember. Now onto the meat of the matter. Recently Premmywise died, were The Plumbers involved?

Head Plumber - You keep referring to us as "The Plumbers", though it's the name that the masses may recognise us by it's not a name we ever officially used, but if that's what you wish to call us, so be it. As for your question, though it is no secret that Premmywise's lineage and our organisation have had a feud spanning at least a decade, we were not involved this time no. We were actually pleased that Premmywise donned a clown's nose.

𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 - What are you involved in nowadays?

Head Plumber - Hmm, I suppose now would be an opportune moment to declare our recent involvements. Let me phrase it like this. We have been whittling away at the members of The Wild Bunch, in... various ways. Those who have kept up with the Obits will observe that we've been somewhat successful, I'm certain you know who I'm talking about. We have no desire to openly state our reasons, but those that should know, know.

𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 - Oh my, that does sound rather ominous. Can we not somehow convince you to leak a little more details on this matter?

Head Plumber - No, out of the question.

𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 - Well then. I suppose that would conclude our interview for now then. Thank you for your time.


Mysterious sidenote: is Polio a member of The Plumbers?

On a Plumbers-related side-note 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 has also heard rumors of Polio being somehow linked to The Plumbers. He himself denies this however, and claims he is part of an overarching organisation (here follows a transcription of a coffee-shop conversation of yesterday):

13:45 <LiquidFareham[MR]> Polio[MR] are you a member of The Plumbers?
13:45 <Polio[MR]> No idea LiquidFareham[MR] but in theory i'm a league or 2 above as i am a gas engineer lol
13:45 <LiquidFareham[MR]> Interesting, I did not know there was an overarching organisation, of which The Plumbers is but a unit
13:47 <Polio[MR]> Plumbers are wannabe Gas men who ride on horseback stealing money off old people.
13:48 <Polio[MR]> Gas men are honest, reliable, grafters, cheap and most of all.... we run the show

There is also claims of another organisation called "The Gas Men". All very mysterious indeed.

We question the authenticity of this claim.

 

The Mystery of Premmywise

Our journalists have heard many conflicting accounts of this one (and the interview did not make us any wiser either), but we shall relate what we know.

Allegedly Premmywise is said to have been asked to kill someone, refused, then was asked to tell that same person that he was asked to kill them, which he also refused. Then Premmywise killed the person who originally asked him, and ended up getting killed himself by someone whom he did not ask to shoot him.

I AM VERY CONFUSED

Does one of our loyal readers know the solution to this mystery? Does it somehow involve JamesBaxter? Perhaps Chris_Vaughn? It would not surprise 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻.

 

Mystery Murderer goes on a killing spree against Journalism

It is a well-known fact that Journalists are an endangered species. Why are they endangered? Because they get mercilessly slaughtered in these very streets. It doesn't matter whether they're crewed or not crewed, our serial killer does not give a single hoot and just pulls the trigger without hesitation.

It is rumored that the last 10 descendants of the journalistically-inclined Kuku bloodline were all found violently done to death in the exact same manner. A single bullet in the back of the head, their arm chewed off and buried witin 3 meters away from the body.

WHO WOULD DO THIS?

Numerous witnesses have reported it is no other than Tutte. We are personally inclined to believe the witnesses based on his frequent outbursts directed at the Kuku family line.

Other newspapers have called for the man-dog's death, but we believe a slap on the wrist (or paw?) and a promise of better behaviour would suffice. Perhaps show him a tall sofa as well for good measure.

 

The editor of 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻 fears that this may be the last issue they publish, as they foresee themselves being murdered as the next victim of the Mystery Murderer (or perhaps other anti-Journalism forces) quite soon.

 

This concludes this Issue!! Please Leave me Money and Tips!!

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Polio had been busy and was looking forward to a long weekend. He was on the way to his favourite coffee shop which he goes most days when he came across the local paper 'Harold Of The Underworld'

He quickly put the paper under his arms and moved to the corner of the room as he was aghast at seeing his name on the front page. He continued to read, realising the stranger he spoke to yesterday was in fact a reporter and not a local businessman. He knew he had to pour cold water over this story, he tapped the table and asked for service.

My usual please sir!

He knew he should have told the un assuming young man yesterday to pipe down and give him the cold shoulder the moment he set his eyes upon him. What a tool. Polio thought of himself

i'll make that reporter pay...$1 million in cash i want for the next interview!! he mumbled

Polio took his blowtorch out and set the paper on fire. Bloody plumbers he thought, i'm a gas man!

As he was leaving the coffee shop he saw a leak on the counter... i will take that, it will go nice with my dinner

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“I’m going to be honest with you here, LiquidFareham.” I crumpled up the “paper”, “I only picked up this issue because I heard my name called. I made it three lines in before I lost interest and didn’t catch where you you started talking about me. Care to give me the cliff notes? I’ve got other…more pressing matters to take care of. And, if we’re calling a spade a spade here, it’s a little unnerving that you keep trying to get my attention.”

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Tutte had heard he was on the paper this time. Couldnt believe it since he really liked the editor he thought first it was fake news. But since he has thinking a bit on the issue he came up what it was harrasment, lies and no loyalty or honesty on any kuku-bloodline so coulfnt he really care much.

Of course is people are good with this hr can tell the real killer to step aside so lues and such keeps on it that it what many wants.

Bigger things is in life, honest-truth-loyalty.

Tutte paid for a issue to save since it was good to be mention it was a dear memory.
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Captivating as always LiquidFareham. It's amazing how you always get these hard hitting interviews. I am also very fond of how your papers only contain verifiable facts. I can't even begin to imagine a world in which I wasn't able to walk to my local news stand and find out what's going on in the world. 

It takes a brave man to be a journalist in this world. I don't know much about these "Gas Men" and "Plumbers" but they certainly seem suspicious to me. Anyone who disguises themselves as a tradesman is surely up to no good. 

Anyway, my shift at the docks is starting soon. I'll be sure to pass the paper around to the other Dockers and see what they think about this mess. 

Keep up the good work. 

Tosses a small wad of cash at LiquidFareham. 

Keep yourself safe now. 

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Another issue of the Harold had been released. And again Hiro was curious of the contents and decided to buy a copy. Again, after buying the papers, he made his way to the coffeeshop.

Ordering his usual, found a seat at the corner of the establishment, he started to read the papers as his morning routine.

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That's it Hiro_Nakamura, last time you didn't share your opinions on the subjects and this time you didn't either. You just sit there idly reading 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℍ𝔸ℝ𝕆𝕃𝔻. Unacceptable. The others at least pelt rotten tomatoes at me (except for Wellerman, whose support of my exclusively factually verifiable journalism I appreciate).

 

It's settled, I'm interviewing you for the next issue. You will not be able to protect the closely guarded secret of your opinions any longer.

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Hiro was simply minding his own business while enjoying his coffee and the papers when a figure rudely interrupted him with tape recorders and cameras. Demanding some sort of interview.

Hiro did not a all appreciate one bit of this intrusion and had his bodyguards gently escort the gentleman out of the fine establishment, not before he said the following to the reporter.

"I am here, merely to enjoy my coffee and read the papers. Although I find reading the papers entertaining, I do not wish to partake in any interview."

After having the reporter escorted out, Hiro hoped not to be approached again by any reporter.

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Hiro_nakamura I may not have a company of bodyguards to protect me from rude physical assaults like the one I was just forced to suffer, but I do have something else.

A roman legion's worth of honest, factual, hardworking no-nonsense journalists.

I'll have my interview someday, and I WILL hear those carefully kept opinions of yours. If I cannot approach you in person I'll find other ways to get my grubby mitts on that interview.

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