JamesBaxter, a mischievous young man with a reputation for getting into trouble and rubbing peoples loofah's wrong way, after an investigation by myself, Sniffler and the magnificent Paul_Finch, has been found to have committed a heinous crime and is in more trouble than he has ever experienced before.

LilyLaralei, a young woman who frequents our community, had a pet gibbon that was the pride and joy of her life, pay careful attention to the tense "had". The gibbon was not just any ordinary gibbon, but a special breed that was highly prized for its rarity and beauty. Unfortunately, Lily woke up this morning to find that her gibbon was missing, immediately raising the alarm. The whole community was in an uproar, as everyone searched high and low for the missing pet. Our investigations took us to the Jazz & Tonics bar in Philadelphia where we discovered, when JamesBaxter strolled into the bar, with a guilty look on his face, the truth of what had happened to the gibbon.

James sheepishly confessed that he had taken the gibbon, but before anyone could ask why, he blurted out that he had eaten it.

The community is shocked and angry, quite rightly so. Lily is devastated. James has never been in so much trouble in his life.  Sniffler has snapped his pipe in anger.  I am deeply concerned by the whole sorry mess.

He is forthwith stripped of his crown as leader of the streets and is to be taken before the new leader of the streets, myself, Olivia_Parentela whereby I will listen to his confession.

JamesBaxter how do you plead?

Oh and before I forget, I have a follow up.  In my new role as LOTS I have decreed that we shall have a poll. Whereby the community can have their say as to who the LOTS should be.

As I am running the poll, I do not feature, but you can just click other and type Olivia to vote for me.

I am usually available for chats most evenings in the Bella Vista public toilets.  I am that kind of girl.....

You can find the poll:

HERE CLICK ME AND VOTE OLIVIA (In the "Other" section)

This story is complete horse shit. This is a direct assault on the integrity of the great city of Philadelphia. 

I can't believe we are letting people get away with talking like this, and someone really needs to do something about it immediately. There was no election and even if there was there is no way anyone would vote for you. 

You're a joke and this is a complete mess of a situation. Wellerman looks over to James. 

Did I do good? 

Ah yes Wellerman, it is all good and well siding with JamesBaxter but you do not have the FACTS like I do.

I have given James the opportunity to confess, I have given James the opportunity to deny the FACTS but, in the face of adversity he has declined to answer for his crimes; a clear admission of guilt in anyone's book.

You are pretty though, I like your face.  I shall forgive you for your errant loyalty.

Siding with who?

James is my imaginary friend. There is no relation to this James Baxter person you are referencing. I'm not entirely sure why you'd think that anyway. 

My previous statement was of course solely referencing your claim to be LOTS. Which I find PREPOSTEROUS! 

The polling will confirm the will of the people shortly. 

We can discuss whether we need to go to a run off once we have the results.  I would put out there that we MUST eliminate the runners until we have a majority of 60% for one candidate.

Because lets face it, big decisions decided by small 50/50 differentials are generally pretty shit, right? 

Dear Olivia_parentela,

I have submitted my vote for this democratic election for the esteemed position of LOTS, one without which The Streets would undoubtedly be worse off, but I would like to re-cast my vote if that's possible.

Initially my vote was for Wellerman, but what he has just said here has changed my mind. I will not vote someone into office who will just be a puppet for the LOTS-before-last to control. That would be unacceptable.

Instead I wish to cast my vote on SilentAssassin, who after his heartfelt campaign speech on the other corner of the streets, has won my trust and confidence. I think he can do what is needed: protect The Journalists and ensure a steady flow of newspapers and competitions.

HenryArold are you insinuating that MY friend James NottaRe-Al was the LOTS? 

Surely you must be misinformed. My friend James is soft spoken and in no way was ever the LOTS. He is MUCH better at directions than I am, so maybe he would be a good choice moving forward? 

SilentAssassin has also been making big waves in the LOTS race, I could see him going all the way. 

Hey Wellerman isnt that your Spanish friend James? Hows that pronounced Hamez? 

SILENTASSASSIN IS THE CLEAR CHOICE.

WHAT SORT OF RIGGED ELECTION ARE YOU TRYING TO RUN HERE. WE IS SILENTASSASSIN

I ask SilentAssassin to grace us with his presence and state his interest clearing so that he can be added to the poll. Otherwise I will ehh get angry and kick someone 

I think we need a new Poll.  It has become evident that we have more than the indicated runners on the ballot paper.  

Can I confirm the runners are:

JohnFareham

JamesBaxter

Wellerman

SilentAssassin 

Olivia_Parentela

Do I need to add any others to the new ballot paper?

I think we remove Oliva_Parentela. How can the of one the runners be counting the votes. 

THIS IS RIGGED FROM THE START IF SHE STAYS

DONT MAKE ME REPORT YOU TO FEC (FAIR ELECTION COMMITTEE)

I am happy to delegate the management of the ballot paper to an outside agency if that is what is required.

I motion we DO NOT accept postal votes.  I have heard bad things...........

"I found these guys, maybe they can help. I dunno how we get a hold them"

Paul hands Olivia a card with BBB on it. On the back is Better Ballot Bureau.

"If you are interested Im sure we could find them to help out with the voting. If you have your heart set on running in the election"

POSTAL VOTES? 

What kind of hippie shit is this world coming to. More like postal FRAUD. We live in America. The land of the free and home of the donut. If you want to vote you better get in line and slowly shuffle your way to the polls. 

It's the American way. 

Wellerman, What are your feelings on voting via carrier pigeon or owl? Is that included under postal voting. Or do we need to write in an amendment stating that no votes will be accepted from these sources. I also have concerns surrounding the voting of dogs. This divisive issue has already resulted in one death. We need clear guidelines on these matters 

Pigeons are 100% disqualified.  Too slow, stupid and prone to shitting on each others feet thereby dissolving them and thus rendering them unable to land.

Owls are acceptable, BUT, only for overnight travel.  They cant see shit in the day.

Dogs, 100% acceptable.  Dogs.  Need I say more.

Another candidate for the upcoming FAIR AND BALANCED vote comes to mind.

I propose adding @Malcolm-Tucker, who currently occupies the position of Not Leader of The Streets (NLOTS) as decreed by the last LOTS BarbaraWawa before Olivia_Parentela usurped the porcelain LOTS throne in what can only be described as an unprecedented power-play.

The NLOTS deserves a chance to run for LOTS if you ask me, their self-restraint during the usurpation (even though they were second in line) has been admirable.

I wholeheartedly agree HenryArold, this election is all about transparency and integrity.  I would, as acting LOTS, have it no other way.

Consider @Malcon_Tucker added to the forthcoming ballot paper.  I am sure, with the right campaign team behind him he can run a stellar campaign and give himself an excellent chance of securing the nomination.

Do we have any more last minute additions?

Paul_Finch, would you like to nominate yourself?

Oh no I dont have the confidence to be a street leader. I will back my candidate and support them. They know who they are. 

POLL UPDATE - NEW BALLOT PAPER

Olivia_Parentela

SilentAssassin

@[Name Retracted]

JohnFareham

Wellerman

@Malcon_Tucker

Danny_Greene

KennyRusso

Ksenia

Ladies, gentlemen, collective nouns/pronouns/adjective/verbs. 

After much excitement and discussion within the election committee last night, I am proud to announce that we have a new ballot.  In the interest of a balanced and representative choice of candidates; I have made a couple of nominations myself, 3 to be precise.

Many apologies to Tutte, Mocha and Dawson who, among others, didn't make the cut this time.

LET THE VOTING COMMENCE - YOU CAN FIND YOUR BALLOT PAPER:

HERE - TOUCH ME