Albus puffs on his cigarette as he is anxiously watching the clock. The room is set with many tables, each with two chairs and a red tablecloth. The smell of flowery perfume and earthy oils overpower the tobacco smoke that is starting to fill the room. As Albus puts his cigarette out on his tongue, saving the rest for later in his front pocket, he turns his attention to the flyer he had been passing out around town. It reads:

"Are You Looking For Love?

This Tuesday evening, join us for a night of debauchery and passion as we match the cities eligible bachelors with their female counterparts! As a special introductory offer, we welcome ALL for no cost at all! That's right, who can put a price on love?!***

***Bring this flyer to receive the discount"

The line outside extends around the block, the guests already starting to mingle in queue. Albus sprays some peppermint down his throat, and lathers some oils under his arms and crotch, ready for the night to begin. He sets the pin on the record and the big brass starts to get the attention of the queued crowd. Albus releases the hatch on the door, the click of the lock signaling the crowd inside. A smile flashes on his face as he speaks nervously

"P-please take a card. Blue for the men, p-pink for the women. Each card corresp-sponds to a different seat. Once your p-partner has arrived, you may start with the c-compatibility questions. These are designed to find similarities and differences in p-personality which can make or break a relationship. After 10 minutes, the horn will sound and you will move to the table to the right, to begin your next "date". We will keep track of the results throughout the night, and a mate will be ch-chosen at the end."

Albus steps back in a pool of sweat and nervousness. In the commotion of the arrivals, he slips into the back room and washes his face, the cool water sending a tingle down his spine. His fear of public speaking was worse than his fear of the opposite sex. As he stares at himself in the mirror, he regained composure, his face flushing red.

Albus quickly makes his reappearance, taking his assigned seat. While waiting for his partner to find her seat, he looks over his hand-crafted compatibility questions:

1. How do you feel about crowds of people?
2. Do you have any odd talents?
3. What was your most memorable experience this past year?
4. What in life brings you the greatest pleasure?
5. What do you wish you learned from your father?

Distracted by his questions, Albus didn't see who had walked past him, but picked up a soft, lavender aroma. His interest subconsciously peaked, but his anxiety so consciously present, he struggles to draw breath as he fixes his gaze upon the stranger pulling out the chair across from him....

"H-h-h-h-h-h-hey I'm A-a-albow"

Albus squeaked out. His eyes widened as he noticed his mistake.

"ALBUS, I M-MEAN AL-ALBUS"

He stumbles out of his chair sideways with his eyes closed before he hits the ground, continuing his personal streak of fainting on first dates....