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Joke Competition: Let's make people laugh! | Started by: Colonel_Ives on May 17, '23 18:44 |
Colonel_Ives was feeling sad and heavy after having to deal with a bunch of petty shenanigans, so he decided to launch a competition that could bring joy and happiness to himself and to the good people of this world! He presented:
"And to inspire you guys, here's a good one!" He begins telling the joke: "So, a woman gets on a bus with her baby and the bus driver says "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby i've ever seen!". The woman then walks to the rear of the bus and sits down completely pissed off. She says to a man next to her "The driver just insulted me!" The man says "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, i'll hold your monkey for you." Good luck all! |
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Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera. |
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Reply by: RamsDale at May 17, '23 18:46 | |
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A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "sorry, we don't serve food."
$10m please |
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Reply by: MrKuku at May 17, '23 19:03 | |
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May I ask who's judging this contest? Wellerman, is this a Competition Commission approved contest? |
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Reply by: MrKuku at May 17, '23 19:04 | |
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The Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off. |
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Reply by: Stiffler at May 17, '23 19:48 | |
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A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the driver gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. The police officer approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my shift is almost over, so if you can give me one good reason for your behaviour, I'll let you go." The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a policeman about a week ago. I thought you were bringing the bitch back." The police officer replies with, "On your way sir." |
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Reply by: Craven at May 17, '23 19:58 | |
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Walks into the thread and stands there awkwardly |
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Reply by: Rebecca at May 17, '23 20:09 | |
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So, I was walking down an avenue, over there....... Kelly points towards the dark, stagnant street to her left And some guy was there shouting and screaming, big mullet, bottle of vodka in his hand. Looked like he had already downed a couple but the crowd were encouraging him to drink more, throwing crumpled dollar bills at him and all. Anyway, I digress, the gist of it was this:
I think his name was Bill, seemed like a nice guy, y'all should go chuck a dollar or two at him. He certainly had me pulling them out of my knickers like nobodies business........ |
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Reply by: Kelly_Kapowski at May 17, '23 20:26 | |
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I was once asked what exactly were “mixed feelings”. My reply, “watching your Maserati drive off a cliff but realising it’s your mother in law driving”. |
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Reply by: TinyTim at May 17, '23 20:33 | |
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Yo mamma so FAT... I walked around her once and got lost twice! | |
Reply by: Wild_Bill at May 17, '23 22:28 | |
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Lebron bricked a crucial 3-point shot during the game 1 against Denver. |
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Reply by: Frank_Castle at May 18, '23 00:41 | |
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This isn't going well, is it Colonel_Ives? Want me and Wellerman to take over? |
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Reply by: MrKuku at May 18, '23 08:07 | |
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MrKuku, Go make your own frudulent competitions and let other people do theirs. I will say this for the last time: stop harassing and following me around. Also, if this competition pose no threat to you, why you're so salty about it? Get a grip. |
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Reply by: Colonel_Ives at May 18, '23 10:11 | |
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Kelly looks around surreptitiously before breaking into song:
Always surprises me that in the 20 odd years I have been playing there is always someone that will rise to the trolling. It's why we keep coming back.......... |
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Reply by: Kelly_Kapowski at May 18, '23 13:41 | |
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Kelly excitedly jumps up and down on her soapbox...... Guys, if you video it, and have a good enough frame rate, you can pause it and catch a flash of my junk. Kelly winks...... Heres one for you, What do you call a Singing Laptop? Kelly waits expectantly........ No? OK, here you go then; A Dell! Honestly, I can barely contain myself. |
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Reply by: Kelly_Kapowski at May 18, '23 17:04 | |
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Because I am a dirty, dirty witch: "I recently came into a whole bunch of money. Which is odd for me because I usually use a paper towel". "What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold onto your nuts, this isn't a regular blowjob". "Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? Because everytime she gets to 69 she gets a little frog stuck in her throat". |
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Reply by: NancyDowns at May 18, '23 18:04 | |
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Kelly jumps up onto her soapbox and clears her throat............ Bravo NancyDowns, everyone needs a little smut in their lives from time to time and all three of these hit well below the belt in the smut stakes. Unfortunately, my pockets are a little empty at the moment so I will be unable to unseat Stiffler from his current kingly perch on the Joke King Throne; I am sure that if we all work together we can force him to abdicate! Let us unite in a storm of comedic fellowship, combine our wit and guile and buy this competition from under his feet! I am pretty sure that if we set about gathering our best collection of raunchy jokes, risqué puns and titillating one-liners we will be able to forcibly remove him from his current position and leave him questioning his ability to hold dominion over 6 cities. Let's force him into comedic surrender and make way for a fairer, more deserving ruler of jest. Comrades, I implore you to sharpen your wit, empty your pockets, unleash your imagination and let the humour, be it raunchy or otherwise, flow. Together we can create a torrent of witty, smutty hilarity that shake the very foundations of the joke kingdom and show Stiffler that there are new contenders in town who are ready to steal the throne from under him with a mixture of rampant chortling, guffawing, tittering and belly laughing. A touch of naughtiness would also be most welcome to balance it all out. Prepare yourselves, for the battle of jokes is about to get ruthless, let us turn this into a dog eat dog contest. Vive la révolution. Laughing, Kelly skips off down the street into the moist morning breeze............. |
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Reply by: Kelly_Kapowski at May 19, '23 08:01 | |
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What's David Bowie's best album? SOUND IN-VISION |
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Reply by: MrKuku at May 19, '23 08:31 | |
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Aye, a good album (most are to be fair).
I am partial to "Out-side" myself, never understood why it was panned so much. I know Bowie himself was reluctant to perform it at all. |
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Reply by: Kelly_Kapowski at May 19, '23 09:51 | |
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People who have had Dwayne Johnson as an upstairs neighbour have literally been living under a rock especially if they cant smell what he is cookin.
okay okay in fairness, Dot gave me most of that to be honest |
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Reply by: zDiamonDz at May 21, '23 09:47 | |
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