Colonel_Ives was happy to be able to bring something light and humorous to this world of ours, so he wore a clown costume he sewed himself for this special day and started jumping, laughing and throwing sour candy around on the streets. He then pushed a little soapbox and stepped on it.

"Ladies and gentleman, may i have your attention please? First, i wanna thank everyone who participated. I had the fear that nobody would join in and when people started sharing their jokes, it made me really happy! I actually laughed at some of them. Anyways here are the winners for THE JOKE COMPETITION:

1st place goes to:

Stiffler with the incredible ammount of 62 tips! 

2nd place goes to:

NancyDowns with 14 tips!

3rd place goes to:

Wild_Bill with 4 tips!

and

MrKuku with 7 tips!

"I made it clear in the rules that only ONE ENTRY was allowed, so i wasn't obligated to take MrKuku's joke into consideration, since his second (not his first entry) joke got more tips. But to avoid problems and shenanigans i shall give him the 3rd place prize too."

"Thats it everyone, thanks again for participating and congratulations to the winners, i hope we can always have reasons to smile and laugh our problems away!"

When will the prizes for non-entrants be announced? 

"There are no prizes for non-entrants. Only for yes-entrants."

Duchess, have you considered not-entering my recently reopened contest? 

Can you explain why there aren't prizes for non-entrants? Seems a little unfair, honestly. Mafia joke competitions should really be inclusive. 

"I already handed 100k participation prizes for everyone who submitted a joke. As for the non-entrants or people who didn't submit a joke, i think it's pretty obvious why i didn't gave them prizes. Good day."

Colonel_Ives, have you heard of LostBoy, or his son?  Or Lincoln_Lawyer? 

As the current leading non-entrant in Mafia Competition Commission-approved competitions, I feel like you intentionally rigged the parameters of this contest in order to put me at a serious disadvantage.  By excluding non-entrants, you force me into a position where I would have to compete against Entrants in order to win a prize. Can you see the unfairness? That would be like expecting an Entrant to compete against me in a contest where only non-entries were considered. To date, I have not entered over one hundred competitions in my lifetime. That Entrant would not stand a chance. But that is exactly the position you have put me in here today, and I do not appreciate it.

Congratulations on a a great idea and a very well run competition Colonel_Ives. 

Congratulations on embarrassing yourself again MrKuku. How's your newspaper coming along?