OK, thanks Matt. 

As an ImportantBusinessman, it came as little surprise to me that immediately after commissioning an investigation into The Competition Competition, I was met with angry calls threatening my livelihood. My business interests have been assaulted by high paid lawyers as those string-pullers at the CC try to shut me down. Who knows how many their bully-boy tactics have silenced in the past?

Well, I'm not one easily cowed. While I might be one of the 75% of us not even capable of thinking of achieving what colossi like TheBeast have, my pockets are deep and I know every corner of the back rooms. This investigation will continue, despite what naysayers like JackMonroe say.

The deadline for this is tomorrow. The findings here will be reviewed, catalogued and published so that we can all better understand what we are up against. Don't let the polished albeit doughy face of mouthpieces like Wellerman convince you that these people aren't bad news. The truth will out. 

MattCollins & JackMonroe, please bicker elsewhere, this place is reserved for entrants. Kindly move on.

Who is MATTCOLLINS? 

LonelyWolf, if you want to commission your own investigation into JackMonroe, have at it. I suspect it'll be very dull But as I said to MattCollins and JackMonroe before, this place is reserved for entrants, so kindly move on. I do not want this derailed anymore than it already has been by the CC. The last thing I need is you playing into their hands. 

Here's what the CC is: necessary. That's all that matters. Do people question when the CIA undermines legitimate democracies at the expense of everything except their own personal interests? No. We love the CIA. I'd let them kill JFK again if they wanted to. They're the best. Do I quibble when the CC hands down rulings on short story competitions administrated by members of the mafia for the benefit of their collective community spirit and morale? No. Because if they didn't, these things would be massacres. And that's BAD for morale.

NOTICE: ClamTubularagula is temporarily suspended from the investigation and is considered not eligible for the 50 credit investment at the present time. There has been an accusation made that he is in fact a shill for the CC and his attendance here is in bad faith as a paid actor. Whilst I myself must now conduct an investigation into this accusation of simping shillery against ClamTubularagula, I would suggest everyone ignores his contribution to this until his motives for participation can be verified. 

Further contributions remain welcome at this time but, and I can't stress this enough, only from those whose participation might not be considered fruit of the poisonous tree. Thank you. 

ImportantBusinessman I am also a (journalistic) businessman, but one severely lacking in cash money. This Community Investigation (not competition) sounds like an opportunity in this land of opportunity.

When thinking of getting involved with this competition, would you advise entering as an entrant or as a non-entrant?

I propose that TheBeast and Wellerman are excluded

I'm no shill. I just like a good bureaucratic institution. There's nothing wrong with that. The CIA has been conducting illegal experiments into methods of psychological torture on misinformed human subjects all the way through the 50's and no one cares. They're the best. Is the CC the CIA? No. But they're still in their fledgling stage. And I really think with enough work and time, the CC can put themselves in a position to train and supply fringe competition-focused militant terror groups for underhanded, self-serving purposes, the long-term ramifications of which will NEVER be felt. That's why I believe in the CC. 

Clam - your explanation is noted and will also be considered as part of the review process. Whilst I can say that it doesn't look good for you, I haven't reached any conclusions yet. Just don't be expecting any investment soon. Pending full results.

Harold - this isn't a writing competition. Non-entrants to writing competitions might regularly be rewarded for their lack of efforts but I think this is a control mechanism by the CC. I note that Clam, for example, has not commented upon that at all in his "investigations". Almost like someone is telling him not to. Hmmm.

"Ok fellow businessman ImportantBusinessman, I can read between the lines here." Harold gives a sly wink, his monobrow doing a funny wiggle in the process. "I definitely WON'T enter then and will thus be categorised a non-entrant".

ImportantBusinessman, I'm known to have a personality like a table at your favorite restaurant: reserved. But if you keep up this questioning of my motives, I'm going to start acting like a jolly snowman: frosty. And if you don't recant your allegations, I might even become like my tummy: upset. The CC doesn't control what I say. I control what I say. Glib glob. Gooble gabble. I can say anything I want. 

There is absolutely no need for threats, Clam. No need at all. This has been a peaceful investigation and investment opportunity and I want to keep it that way. You can take that back to your masters at the CC if you want, no skin off my nose. They aren't the only peace brokers around here and it is high time others saw that. 

Harold - your participation status is less of a concern than your affiliations and ITK status with the CC. You're being monitored and if necessary, you will also be subject to a review. I'm not wasting any of my investment funds on entrants or non-entrants who are already bent. You have been warned. 

"Yes Yes ImportantBusinessman, it doesn't matter at all. Oh I really am so very much aware of how much it doesn't matter." Harold winks twice with the same eye.

"ClamTuba, you might want to get your globglogabgalab checked out at a doctor with all that glib glob flowing from your mouth."

A stern looking fellow stands in front of the crowd holding up one arm to silence the assembled mafiosi...

"Good day. I have come to announce that this investigation is hereby closed. Furthermore, MattCollins has been executed for sedition against the Competition Commission, a minor misdemeanor in the Competition Commission Constitution, punishable by death. Mr. Collins had a lengthy history of disparaging the CC and poisoning public confidence in competions overseen by the CC. Even after being sanctioned by the Competition Commission, he continued to lead youth astray with what amounted to blasphemy, as well as promoting non-CC approved competitions. All of his contest entries are void and all participants will be further investigated for being accomplices to sedition."

"As for the innocent onlookers, please feel free to participate in any of the several COMPETITION COMMISSION APPROVED competitions and enjoy the rest of your week".

Best regards,
ProtectorOfCamazotz
Sgt-at-Arms, Competition Commission Comstitutional Committee - Enforcement Division

Praise Camazotz.

That’s interesting. MattCollins ran one of the few competitions that actually paid out to the winners. Are you saying that the “CC” doesn't like that a competition was run to completion? None of the “sanctioned” ones end that way.

The sedition occurred after MattCollins competition concluded Theo. Pleasure to meet you. The name is Edward Harrington, I work for the Commission. They sent me down from head office to take care of some business with ProtectorOfCamazotz here. 

MattCollins's competition was sanctioned by the Commission, it's a matter of public record. Just send a letter in writing to the Commission Archive Team and they can pull the Competition permits. Pretty standard, actually. I'd imagine the folks at back at Head Office process over 100 of these types of requests everyday. 

I've only spent a little time here since getting off the train, but it seems like the Competition Commission is needed more now than ever. Best be on the lookout for our future plans. 

None of that is true but if that’s what you need to cling to in order to get through the day, good luck.