The Colonel wanted to have a good time in some good company, so he decided to call the gang: MidpoinT, Elle-Driver, MenchoJr and Scarlett_Rose and invite them to a dinner. And he was going to cook this pleasant yummy dinner. So he put on his best apron, combed his glorious mustache, washed his hands in his private fountain of virgin's tears, and went to the kitchen. He had the ingredients to do a steak au poivre and the meat was perfectly fresh.

A few hours ago, Ives was at the grocery store and spotted the most perfect dragon fruit he'd ever seen. Being cursed after eating human meat, everything else tasted insipid but he always loved food and cooking, and old habits never die. So when he spotted that fruit, he knew he had to buy it. That's when a rude woman, pulling a child by the wrist in a very unloving way, shoved Ives and grabbed the fruit carelessly.

"Excuse me" the colonel said "I was reaching for that dragon fruit." The woman then looked at him like he had just hit her and said:

"Well, i grabbed it first. Too bad." Ives stood there while she turned around and walked away furiously, still pulling the child, when she stumbled and dropped the fruit. She looked at the kid and yelled, while shaking the poor child's wrists.

"Goddamnit, look where you're going, you made me drop it!" she sighed and looked at the fruit which was all mushed on the ground, then at Ives and said:

"You can have it now." With a smirk, she left.

The colonel was astonished with her rudeness and unpleasant ways, so he followed her home and, upon making sure that the kid would have proper care and education for the rest of their life, he killed the impolite cunt and brought some nice steaks home. They were a little stiff, but also (and incredibly) very tasty.

He started cooking. First, the peppercorns needed to be crushed. Then, he rubbed them on the steaks along with salt, very thoroughly. He heated a pan and poured some truffled oil, that was his personal secret. The meat was cooked one side and then the other. He took the meat out of the frying pan and put it away, while adding a lot of butter in that delicious juice that the meat left. With the quick, precise movements of someone who knows what he's doing, he chopped the shallots and fried them a little, adding a good amount of Cognac right after. The fire was beautiful to see! Then he let it reduce a bit and added sour cream and Dijon mustard. After some minutes it got thicker. It was ready. He then made some french fries as sides.

He went to his wine cellar and grabbed the best Cabernet Sauvignon he could find. On the way back up, he stopped and asked himself:

"What the actual fuck am i doing?" His friends were fucking crazy. HE was fucking crazy. They all went out once to give support and talk about a mole that had appeared in MidpoinT's crotch and they all woke up 3 days later in a dirty bedroom in Mexico, full of naked chicks and bags of cocaine everywhere. MenchoJr was wearing nothing but a poncho and Elle-Driver had drunkily tattooed ELLE'S BITCH on his neck. Scarlett_Rose was nowhere to be found. MidpoinT went out of the bedroom, pantless, screaming that she got abducted by aliens, and found her crazily punching a man into a bloody pulp. Her face was smeared with cocaine and she had crazy eyes. Apparently the unknown man had smacked her ass. And now everyone in the group has a mole in the crotch.

Fucking MidpoinT.

The point was, would they be able to enjoy this meal and not commit acts of craziness during and after it? The colonel was already starting to regret when he heard knocks on the door upstairs.

"SHIT" he ran upstairs and opened the door. 

"IVES!!" Elle-Driver jumped and hugged the colonel while everybody else walked in, laughing. After everyone said their hellos, MenchoJr took out a fucking enormous bag of cocaine out of nowhere and said:

"Weeeell, are we partying or what?!" That apparently rhetoric question took out screams of joy from everyone, even the colonel, when suddenly he remembered.

"Okay, okay, guys!" He made a motion for everyone to be silent "So... i made this dinner for you guys, i cooked. I missed you all and i wanted to do something nice and kind of different, where we could talk and relax. But then i realized we can't escape who we are. We are a bunch of crazy motherfuckers. So lets vote. What do we do? Do we stay here and eat and chill, or do we go crazy and fuck all up, like we used to do?"