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|New Day, New 'Old' Me||Started by: ASimpleCivilian on Sep 17, '23 17:50|
ASC stepped gingerly out into the streets, confidently in his own mind, but with an obvious appearance of trepidation. The only reason he had the confidence to venture into the streets was the brand new Walker he had. It was highly polished chrome, with pretty red accents, and a neutral grey colour for the Dupont rubber hand grips. The Rubber SuregripTM feet were made of the same sturdy yet plain DuPont branded rubber. He slowly approached a specially adapted podium with a ramp, before slowly stepping up. A young associate crew member stepped forward with a TOA Corporation EM-202 transistorized megaphone and held it up to ASC's mouth. ASC slowly licked his lips, in an effort to lubricate his mouth and assist in speaking, before reaching into his coat pocket and removing his dentures, and placing them in his mouth. This simple act seems to de-age him by some 30 years and he stands taller and straighter.
"So only a short time ago, I came to these streets with the announcement of the formation of 'Apocalypse Rising'. It was a fairly joyous occasion, even if city hall sent the cops around to erect some yellow tape and prevent people from coming and congratulating me. However, it has not been plain sailing for my fledgling company and band of brothers. There have been issues, issues which at first I was too blind to see, and I desperately struggled to paint over the cracks in my organisation. At last the true scope of my hubris was revealed, so with some hasty reorganisation, the rot was finally stopped. However it took a week to right the ship. Finally, I feel we are in safer waters, and things are finally looking up. Therefore its time to move on to phase II of the new me, with a complete rebrand.
Has your family stalked these streets for more years than you care to remember? Do your ancestors go back before recorded time (12th August '09)? Do you find that you misplace your glasses, keys or gun regularly? Have you ever found yourself staring blankly at a corpse, surrounded by cops, wondering what the bloody hell you were doing there? If the answer is yes to any of these questions, then I have the solution...
Here at MOFH we will do everything in our power to ensure your longevity. Daytime TV and games of Gin and Scrabble in our bespoke Day Room. All Meals lovingly created by our award winning Michelin star Chef, balanced in all the vitamins and nutrients your body needs, with double the fibre of other Nursing Homes, before being blended down to a paste with our high grade industrial blenders to make sure your mouth doesn't get tired chewing, or that you choke on your food. Only Look warm Tea and still drinks so that you don't burn yourself or the bubbles hurt your mouth. Commodes in every bedroom, and two ... erm well appointed nurses to give you a bed bath, morning, noon and night. We will have regular bingo games, day trips to Miami, a Chiropodist and Podiatrist calling in every Tuesday and Thursday, not to mention free tartan blankets to cover your knees.
If this sounds like your idea of heaven, then why not give us a go. Remember, Old Mobsters don't die, they get fat and move to New York."
ASC takes out his teeth and places them back into his pocket, and the associate takes away the megaphone. Almost on queue ASC descends into a fit of coughing, before heading off slowly with his walker. A hot cup of cocoa or Ovaltine would surely help.
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I think you should rebrand as a "retirement community"
|Reply by: GordonGekko at Sep 18, '23 20:03|
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