One by one people began to take notice of the public event being setup in the streets. There were countless chair lined up in rows faced forward to what looked like a makeshift stage that had also set up. There were chairs on the stage facing the crowd on each side with a few odd ones sitting in between them. What looked like a children's play structure was turned into a make shift chair that now somewhat resembled a rocket ship. Another resembled a chair made out of left over cork toppers with the other made out of the tarnished wood, leather, and rope wrapped around it.

The seats began to fill after the back drop was hung and read "Roast of SpaceCowboy". We were here to celebrate the new Godfather the best way possible, at his own expense. I peaked from behind the stage in excitement as I could name most of the mobsters in the chairs showing up to watch. 

"It's go time", I said as I looked to the one who were gracious enough to participate in tonight's celebration. 

At this point the streets were full as the seats had all been taken up and it was now a standing audience disrupting traffic flow. They walked up the stairs one after another taking their seats on each side of the podium. On the left we had JewishJake, Fluffy_Tummy and Aqua_Tofana and on the right we had TM, Char_Aznable, and Gin. Behind them were the guests that would fill the special seats in the middle along each side of the guest of honor. Godfather Marston and Godfather Cork both took their seats as the crowd began to get more excited with the chatter getting louder now that the seats had all been filled. 

Except one, that ugly rocketship that was never gonna take off. It was waiting for him as we both stood backstage. I gave him a quick smile as I knew he had no idea this was taking place.

"You deserve this!", was all I said before leaving him in the back by himself just long enough to let the event resonate with him before getting myself to the podium.

Ladies and gentleman, Godfathers and crewleads, pickpocketers and murderers. Most of all my those who came to participate, I thank you all for coming out tonight. We are looking to have a good time at the expense of our new Godfather in Los Angeles. 

Let's not waste anymore time as we gotta get this fire started off right so we can burn him all night. Ladies and gents our guest of honor Godfather SpaceCowboy!! 

With a hesitant look on his face he looks out into the crowd as if he was uncertain if he should actually get on stage or not. With a big smile as if he was joking he walked onto the stage celebrating with those here that came to roast him. With a bunch of handshakes and embraces the respect was shown all around for even the people furthest out. SpaceCowboy finally got settled in between the other Godfathers and we were ready to get this show on the road. 

As the roast master it was my duty to set this party off right. I took to the podium starring out to the masses that began to quiet down as I tapped on the microphone with my hoof. I took one last look behind me at SpaceCowboy and gave him a smirk.

Hello everyone, thank you for being here tonight. It is our honor to bring you the roast of my friend and now Godfather of LA SpaceCowboy. 

SpaceCowboy and I go way back with our bloodlines, we've been through it all. With that being said if I was in charge and died I'd still pick Gin to run the city after me.

The crowd laughs, but not at the joke itself more at how drunk Gin actually was. Guy was about to fall out of his seat and was propped up by TM-Scarface. Doing the bottoms up motion with my hand Gin grabbed the bottle and took another big drink.

That's gonna be fun to see on stage here tonight, we can only imagine how much coke the guy has done tonight. Between him and TM-Scarface sitting there together I might start taking bets on whos nose it gonna fall off first.

We got a lot of special people up here tonight that are gonna let the Cowboy know how they really feel. I am grateful you were all here to celebrate as I wasn't ever really sure I'd live this long under SpaceCowboys leadership!

What you see on the outside with SpaceCowboy is not what you see on the inside. Take this for instance, your new Godfather of LA and respected figure who is quite polite and respectful to most anyone not directly associated with him. 

Don't worry, he takes it out on us behind closed doors! Just wait til you hear from the others tonight they'll tell ya. 

The guy that kicked me out after he saved my life! The guy that set me up with two coke heads to take one of them away from me and give him keys to the nicer HQ in Hollywood. This is the guy we all have come to know and love. 

In all honesty he's done a lot for me and all of us here in attendance so before I congratulate him on his prestigious title I'd like to read something I found buried deep in the journals of his mafia heritage. His bloodline had been roasted ten years ago after achieving the accomplishment of making it to 365 days old.

I will leave you all on this.

Digging into the diary of my father who worked with SpaceCowboy, I found some interesting facts about the man who now represents *******. Decent earner? Sure, why not. Dedicated Hand? Meh. Mentor and and leader by example? Pfffsh. Can you imagine how hard it was for the upper structure to promote rank progression with this joker holding a prominent position? Puuhh-lease! ~ Unconfirmed informant information

Your obsession with children's cartoons worries me a little, I must admit. One day you're running around the headquarters drunk as hell in a space helmet, and the next you're donning tights and a cape humming the Batman theme song. I mean really, which one is it? Cowboy Bebop or Batman? Multiple personalities, perhaps? Both the age of a 10 year old. ~Anonymous Source

 It is bad enough I catch him rummaging through my dirty laundry wearing an astronaut helmet constantly taking five thousand dollars from me in the middle of the night. The air must really be that thin in space, because I think he drives a short bus and tries to pull it off as a "spaceship". ~Former Hand

Ladies and gents I give you JewishJake! 

After hearing the opening comments by the fire horned and always erect looking Giraffe, he was half dozing off when the lesser feline was speaking. It made him sad, seeing another fellow cat looking so disarrayed, he wondered if living conditions in Pasadena resembled a 3rd world country. Surely people living in mud huts in the Serengeti had higher standards of hygiene??

Shaking off the thoughts as his brain switched from nap mode to roast mode, he shook his tail out to the majestic fluffy curve everyone was accustomed to and he hopped on the pillar with a lush satin pillow he had the stage workers bring out. As he meowed slowly into the microphone he had a human translator speak as well, for many in the room were not used to his telepathic form of communication and it gave him a chance to sometimes add something extra to SpaceCowboy if there were too much of an insider kinda thing.

Greetings everyone, hopefully most of you haven't decided to leave after that dreadful performance by JJ, seriously his quality of fur tops his jokes, and boy does he have a patchy bunch on that scrawny body!! Well, as mentioned by Mr long neck, we are here to roast the **** out of the Muppet sitting on that dumbass throne in the middle of the stage. The genuine Godfather Chairman of the city of angels. Surely anyone having faith long abandoned that haunted place by now. What should we call it, city out of space or something? The bucket he keeps wearing, calling it a helmet, leaks even more than the people around him spilling his secrets for a nickle!

Surely the only reason why he is so obsessed with space and going on a long adventure is that his wife is never leaving him the fuck alone! Wherever you see him, she's not more than 3 steps away making sure he doesn't do some dumb shit and get himself killed in the process. But then again looking at the rest of you (looks at other LA leaders) he is surely the best you got!! At least he can speak 5-word sentences correctly (sometimes his wife helps him, but hey!! it's something)

I met people of his kind (bloodline fine) a while ago, when my ancestor was big, mean & green. He came across as a dependable guy, but we all know he's just char's sidekick!! The real man pulling the strings as usual is the RHM not the figurehead!

Fluff smirks, making sure everyone has the time to look at char, who is trying to hide the biggest wide ass smirk imaginable.

But we all know the big man, has a soft heart for his kids. He tries his best to provide for them, give them career opportunities, but in all honestly they should be happy they lived as long as they did. Comparing his food to prison canteen food is like comparing Wendy's to a 3-star Michelin restaurant in downtown LA. The fact it was not poisonous was probably pure luck, and not even Gordon Ramsay would put bread on his ears to call him an idiot sandwich for the fear of contracting salmonella. 

All things aside, the man's a legend, he did not waiver in his efforts to make LA a great city and I consider him one of my best friends in the game. Not only that he is a clever guy, loyal and makes sure Gin doesn't overdose each night, he knows West Coast are homies for life.

Give it up for the Space Vader!!!

But for now it's my pleasure to introduce the most dangerous lady of LV, creator of widows, producer of vile stinky potions, give it up for ms Aqua_Tofana!!

As she approached to take the mic, fluffs of fur whafted through the air, as Fluffy_Tummy took his leave, with a skip and a leap, from the stage. 

Aqua fought back a sneeze and cleared her throat. "Well, good day friends! What can I say about the man that some call SpaceCowboy, some call him Maurice, and some call him the gangster of love", Aqua snickered, "Who am I kidding, no one calls him that". Her dark eyes settled on SpaceCowboy and she pointed a crooked finger in his direction. "He's done a lot for the west coast and this country. Like the time he spent a full day, bribing prison guards with fat stacks to release some of the most vicious, savage inmates, so that he could have his own little competion. Those were great times! Sure. I mean, if you don't mind car jackings, break ins and murder; it was a blast"! The crowd laughed and rustled in their sits rather nervously. 

"But SpaceCowboy has a good heart, even if he is a joker, a smoker and a midnight toker", She smiled and winked at the man of the hour. "I mean who else could get smoked up, ride a Giraffe and lasso a liquor-soaked Gin in the same swoop as he lit a cigar and handed out coins to orphans"? She paused and laughed, "Certaily not this guy"!

"But jokes aside, I wish you continued success in LA and throughout this country, Maurice! Now, I would like to hand it over to none other than our friend, the distilled and chilled, Gin"! Aqua stepped back from the podium and waited for three men to help Gin to his feet. She watched in horror as they stagered in unison to the stage. 

Gin stumbles to the podium glass in hand, taking a sip he begins to address the room

Giraffe thank you for hosting, anyone that knows Giraffe knows his hobby is eating leaves and passing out neck hugs like a $2 hooker.

Scans the stage and spots JewishJake

JewishJake smell you buddy, maybe mix in a shower between eating all that cheese.

Hands TM-Scarface a plate of cocaine

Here buddy try inhaling this, much better than that other stuff you been inhaling.

And I see we have a kitty in attendance, Fluffy-Tummy good to see you come out to honor our new Godfather, you know they say cats are clean animals. Let me tell you that’s a lie. The amount of hairballs and liter I had to clean up when I moved into the HQ took a month to get the place in order. Maybe wipe your feet after exiting the liter box bud.

Ok let’s get to the reason we are here, Godfather SpaceCowboy or should I say Brokeback SpaceCowboy, this guy grabs my ass more then my wife. You know it’s hard being a drunk in Los Angeles with all these potheads, SpaceCowboy smokes more weed than I drink. No punchline they’re just saying. You know when I first came to Los Angeles SpaceCowboy was very welcoming, he said if I needed anything to let him know. So I’m going to let you know I need you lend me 14,999. You know why. In all honesty though you have been nothing but great to all of us here in the city of angels, nobody is more deserving of this honor. Great mentor and leader to all of us expect Honey. Can’t mentor someone who never pays attention. So a toast to you sir.

Gin raises his glass and proceeds to pound the rest of his drink, stumbles back to his chair and motions the waiter to bring him another cocktail

TM has had the privilege to laugh at a few good zingers towards the new Godfather Chairman Space “grab ass” Cowboy. One known to rampantly take peoples wallets for a messily sum. Was he bored? Who knows, did he get his jollies off it, we know that to be certain. Today was his day of celebration and finally facing the truth. Several scotches on the rocks accompanied by the best cocaine produced from the leaves they had all stolen together. When the moment came to finally take his turn he he gladly arises meeting shin who had just finished on stage. Inhaling the coke off the plate, remarking as he takes the mic from the stand.

See Gin this the proper stuff this time. hey everybody I’m surprised he wasn’t passed out in the can…. Anyways this is your big night Spacecowboy, we’ve heard quite a bit of stories but, some I couldn’t believe and some just downright hilarious. I too have a story, and it’s called. 

TM looks out at the crowd he could see both Gin and JewishJake face palm as they, and even SpaceCowboy himself knew what was coming next. Without hesitation he continued onto his routine. 

I want to know where’s my 14999 cocksuckah? Yeah how many times as that guy grabbed into anyone’s pockets?  Least he use send the money back… for a while. Then I guess I don’t know what the fuck he’d get use to it…. Didn’t even go to sending half back, went to all but that fucking dollar back,  for what put a few gum balls in in his hand next time i shake it?! 

TM takes the rest of his scotch and begins to finish it off in-front of the crowd before, pulling out a bag of coke and taking a generous tootz off the empty plate still in his hand from Gin before he announces gladly. 

We’re going deep deep deep in the shark infested waters! Or I think I just capture octopus…. I heard in the future there won’t be no gum balls in return. I hear there’s a new tax now the guy wants the dollar back…. Always told him it’s wrapped around my muffler! I want my 14999! I ain’t leaving till I get it!

All jokes aside folks I want to say Congratulations SpaceCowboy you deserve all the love and the ribbings. Cono enjoy your night The World Is Yours, Well tonight is anyways my friend.

TM puts the mic back on the stand before he turns to Spacecowboy laughing holding the empty coke plate out for that 14999. The Godfather Chairman’s defiant shake of his head causing him to hastily return to his seat for the rest of the evening. Deciding to sharing a some lines with Gin and JewishJake. Eager to enjoy the rest of the evening especially tuned the fuck up. 

   Char sat in his seat chucking as he listened to the numerous Leaders of Los Angeles and Las Vegas having a good time poking fun at the man of the hour himself @SpaceCowboy. One by one everyone went up said a few humorous things about SpaceCowboy before ultimately congratulating the newly appointed Godfather Chairman of Los Angeles. It didn't take long before Char had to collect his thoughts as it was finally his turn to go up and say a bit about his friend. @TM-Scarface took his seat and as he did Char took a drink of his whiskey before standing up and taking his place in front of the podium.

   "Thanks to @Giraffe for hosting this thing tonight I would have done it myself but kind of like when SpaceCowboy asked me if I'd like to be a Leader again and set up I said "Make Giraffe do it!". Char waved at The long necked mobster and gave a little wink before continuing on. "Seriously though thanks for helping drag my line into this life of crime a couple decades ago and for sticking your neck out for us from time to time."

    "It's also good to see @Gin and @JewishJake could make it though you know they came together it's hard to tell if it was because they were saving money or Gin was too drunk to come on his own. I will say though it's good to be working together with you both again after our kin worked together ages ago."

    "I see  @Fluffy_Tummy was nice enough to force his Chief Cat walker extraordinaire @Aqua_Tofana that way he could join us tonight. I'll bet he's happy to be back in Los Angeles so he can start marking Hollywood again even though we finally got it mostly cleaned up.". He grinned at the Fluffy feline for a moment then continued on. "In all honesty though it's great to see you here considering our kin's goes back at least 9 lives even if one of those may have ended from an accidental discharge."

    "It's good to see @TM-Scarface is here to help in the celebration it's just too bad that the only reason he was invited was so that SpaceCowboy could slip into his pockets after the festivities. After this he's gonna be crying for $29,998! Happy to have you back and working in the city with us again brother even if you can't keep your pockets full like your nose." 

   "Of course who could forget the man of the hour himself SpaceCowboy who after weeks of insomnia, paranoia and syringes of Heroin to help him finally sleep he finally took the Crown of Los Angeles for himself. Well earned my friend it only took a lot of effort, millions of dollars and expert maneuvering through some dicey situations. In short Congratulations SpaceCowboy on taking Godfather Chairman of Los Angeles you did it you crazy son of a B. Enjoy the day and the celebration brother you've earned it!". Char smiled as he walked to SpaceCowboy and handed him a box of cigars before giving him a hug and finally taking his seat. 

Cork couldn't help but smile as he sat in his seat listening to all of his friends from the West Coast. It was incredible all they had accomplished and he was very excited for his turn to speak. As @Char_Aznable finished up and hugged Space he knew it was time.

Good evening my friends. I cannot tell you how happy it makes me to be here with you all. As the West Coast's resident old mad I feel a bit entitled to say a few things and there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop me. So many friends and family here to celebrate the one who's head is in the stars. 

The long necked one is here tonight! The only thing longer than @giraffes neck is the time it took me to get 60 units. Really though he's a beaut, I heard he still lets his crew play ring toss on his neck.

My good friend @Fluffy_Tummy is here looking as furry as ever! I'm glad he was able to take time out of his busy schedule of bullying me to do more jailbreaks to attend. I think at this point he's just looking for someone else to join him on the incoming mental breakdown of too many units. 

Thank god @gin made it, I wasn't sure after his last trip to my wine shop. I haven't seen a man go after some red wine like that since well... since he did it the time before. Make sure you watch your drinks around @aqua_tofana though!

And finally the man of the hour... About freaking time @spacecowboy. I've been propping up the west coast Godfather game by myself. I've been waiting for you to get here for longer than you know! I'm pretty sure my pockets have also played a large part in that foray as well. You truly have stood on the backs of giants to get here. In all seriousness though I am wildly grateful for your friendship. I was lucky enough to work with you in LA and have been wildly impressed with how you've helped the city grow. I am excited to see what you do as GFC. Congratulations my friend

Cork hands one of his most special bottles of champagne and a small bag to Space and shakes his hand before heading back to his seat.

I quickly hop to my feet and make my way back to the podium grabbing the bottle handed to SpaceCowboy by Godfather Cork. Popping the cork into the crowd I took a big swig and handed it back over to him with a smile. He couldn't help but laugh as this was how the day was going.

Thank you one and all for coming, thank you to everyone who showed up and gave SpaceCowboy a bad time on his day of excellence. If anyone has some fond memories and or lovely jokes pertaining to our newly found Godfather.

PLEASE, by all means the stage is now yours!

We look forward to hearing from you. Don't be afraid to come up and tell him how you really feel.

We have an after party to attend to, good night!

The climate in LA is much warmer than it is in New York. A plane lands in the airport. It's door opens as the passengers shuffle off the aircraft. The last man to exit the plane is dressed in a long trench, his face covered by the shadow of his fedora's brim. He retrieves a gold zippo lighter from his breast pocket and lights a cigarette. It is TheStranger.
 

TheStranger is here on business, but not mafia business. This is personal. He grips his briefcase tightly as he makes his way through the crowd of tourists. The briefcase is full of unpaid parking tickets from his last trip to Los Angeles. He heads in the direction of the courthouse, wary of local mobsters that may see him enter the government building and assume he has flipped for the police. But he hasn't flipped. TheStranger is no rat.

As he nears the courthouse steps, he sees a large gathering of mafioso talking aloud. He dips into a nearby alleyway undetected and observes. A wino lies semi-conscious near TheStranger's feet. He looks up at TheStranger, his large, red, bulbous nose reflecting decades of sorrow and remorse. Each wrinkle in the wino's face expresses a misery from his life. He looks up at TheStranger pleadingly and asks if he has any money to spare. TheStranger opens his billfold and prodoces a crisp hundred dollar bill and hands it to the wino. The wino thanks him profusely, but TheStranger's attention is fixated on the group of mobsters and what they are saying. He listens closely, lights a cigarette, and whispers quietly to himself

"Hmm what's this all about?" he says

Roxie found herself amid a unique challenge, all these distinguished people. She fumbled with her hair and clothes.  Surely with all the attention given preparing for this enormous occasion would be sufficient but she wasn’t sure.

She greeted a few people and listened to others approach the podium, no way was she going up there. It took a while but finally, Roxie had the opportunity to approach Don SpaceCowboy when he wasn’t surrounded by his many well-wishers.

Congratulations Godfather Chairman SpaceCowboy.  Although we might not see eye to eye on certain things I would not hesitate for one moment not being here to honor your remarkable accomplishments.  This event is a culmination of your hard work, dedication, and unyielding passion for the city.  I wish you continued success.

Sal smiled as he entered the celebration of Don SpaceCowboy becoming the Godfather of LA.  Sal was happy for the man, SpaceCowboy, the man that leads the city, ensuring that the city wealth continues to grow.  SpaceCowboy leadership continues prospering all of the members of the family. 

Sal waited in line to greet and shake hands with the Godfather.  When he finally reached the head of that line he smiled and shook his Godfathers hand.   

Congratulations Godfather, I am proud and honored to be invited to attend this celebration.  I am at your service Godfather.  

Sal being from the old country kissed SpaceCowboys ring humbling himself to his Godfather giving respect to the office inwhich SpaceCowboy holds.  He was also proud to work for the man building the city and being a member of the family which is lead by SpaceCowboy.  

Marston stood in the shadows and watched from an alleyway as the roast seemed to conclude, nobody was looking as slipped around the back and made his way to the makeshift stage. He cleared his throat loudly and gradually the crowd began to notice and cheers and whistles began to erupt from the warmed up crowd.

“So… Where do I begin, it only seems like yesterday SpaceCowboy was a young, eager Outlaw keen to prove his worth. I decided to give him a chance, I said to him ‘SpaceCowboy, I’m going to give you the opportunity to run your own family’... His reply… ‘NOOOO PPPLLLLLEEASSSSSSSE!!!! PLEEEEEASE DON’T KILL MY WIFE!!!’”

Laughter erupted, then as it died down, Marston heard a heckler shout out “WHY DID YOU CALL HIM SPACECOWBOY?”

Marston chuckled

“Well I didn’t actually give him that nickname myself, but the people I asked gave me a few different explanations. The original I heard was something about him being in his ‘own little world’ but several people have refuted this and said ‘Have you seen his face? It’s because he looks like he’s from another planet’. I think the most believable explanation and I can’t remember who told me…”

Marston shot a quick but noticeable glance towards ClassyLady

“...But they told me he had quite the appetite for ermmm… ‘being probed’”

Marston took a quick, step backwards to avoid being sprayed as a man in the front row expelled his mouthful of drink as the crowd erupted with laughter once more.

“No, but in all seriousness, I offer my sincerest congratulations to SpaceCowboy for reaching the esteemed height of Godfather Chairman of the city of Los Angeles. I am proud that an Outlaw stepped up when called upon and made themselves a staunch ally that has proven themselves strong, loyal and highly competent at every hurdle along the way… Long live SpaceCowboy!”

Marston raised his glass in the air and the crowd repeated the toast and raised theirs. He took a great gulp then joined the crowd to continue the celebrations.

As SpaceCowboy made his way through the crowd of people who showed up he gently played grab ass with each person he passed by, as if it was the new way of shaking hands. His hands often had a mind of their own and sometimes that would lead him into trouble.

Taking a seat in what looked like a spaceship in the center stage SpaceCowboy pretended as if he was piloting it and avoiding asteroids, making noises pretending he was blowing them up.

After a few moments of goofing off he notices the crowd is oddly staring at him while judging.

"Well shit don't act like you guys don't wanna take this bad boy out for a spin also!"

SpaceCowboy mutters under his breath before sparking up a cigarette to watch the roast unfold in front of him. Jab after jab the next person would come out on stage and say something different from the other. Some of these fuckers even had a list of shit to say, the nerve of these guys. It started to make him wonder how long these people had been bottling these things in.

"Please guys tell me how you really feel! Just give me a minute and I'll think of a dumb enough joke that all of you will understand."

SpaceCowboy taunts the roasters. Laughing to himself, starting to feel a slight buzz from all of the drinks that had been brought to him since he had arrived. 

Several minutes later everyone finishes up their roasts and begin with the flattery and complements.

The Godfather Chairman starts to get a bit choked up, the drugs must have been playing a toll on his emotions today. Either that or he was really starting to take things to heart feeling blessed to have such a good group of friends and family surrounding him. Standing up and taking the stage he begins to speak.

"I just want to thank each and every one of you for taking the time tonight to celebrate this special occasion with me. A big shout out to Giraffe for setting this up. Considering how things went when you setup your headquarters I'm surprised things didn't fuck up some how. Everyone a big round of applause for him please!"

SpaceCowboy golf claps while snickering back at his good friend Giraffe.

"In all honesty it's been an honor working with each of you. Things wouldn't been damn near as entertaining around here without the lot of you. I'm privileged to have such a good group of friends!"

Pausing for a moment he begins scratching at his wrist noticing his tattoo "Outlaw to the end"

"I don't know if the big man himself is out there hiding somewhere but I also have to thank Marston. I literally owe it all to him, none of this would have been possible if it weren't for him. He planted a few seeds throughout the cities and a few of them withered away and died, well one of those seeds finally bloomed into something beautiful... that's Los Angeles! I'll never forget this opportunity you gave me."

SpaceCowboy nervously scratches at the back of his neck, finding himself having nothing more to say.

"Where's the weed and liquor at!? Let's get this party started!"

The Godfather Chairman wraps his arms around his family and friends while making their way over to the bar to get absolutely shit faced.

I was gonna roast SpaceCowboy really hard, like so hard, so hard. It was going to be highly offensive and like stuff but I decided it would be too crass for the innocent Giraffe to hear. He has sensitive ears, and has to wear earmuffs sometimes if people use foul language. 

Anyway, congratulations my friend SpaceCowboy. I am very happy to see you get GFC in Los Angeles, and I am sure you will do everyone proud, especially the Giraffe who needs all the leaves. All of them. 

"ok folks, i'm enjoying this old style burst of creativity on the streets!   i've got $25m as a top prize for what i consider the best speech here, and some non-cash prizes for 2nd and third place"